Archive for the ‘Staten Island’ Category

All Women Date in Color: Green

Teen girl #1: I totally don’t dream in color.
Teen girl #2: No, but you date in it. –Barnes & Noble, Staten Island Overheard by: Lola Black Chick #1: I want to see a play about interracial relationships. I want to have an interracial relationship.
Chick #2: I’m interracial; I have an interracial relationship with myself.
Chick #3: That’s why you’re so confused.
Chick #1: That’s why you’re so pretty. –The Public Theater, Lafayette Street

Wednesday One-Minors

Two-year-old, pointing to Citibank: That's my bank!

–7th Ave & President St, Park Slope

Overheard by: But who's your insurance carrier?

Nine-year old boy on cell: Well, you know what? Fuck you! I'm going home! (slams cell shut and begins strutting across parking lot)

–Parking Lot, Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: WTF????

Ten-year-old girl in bathing suit to seven-year-old girl: Stop touching my ass. Whore!

–Park, Astoria

Little girl to group of little girls: Raise your hand if you're allergic to penicillin!

–R Train

Overheard by: cole

Little girl to friends, pointing at platform: That's where hobos live!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Three-year-old boy, eating hamburger: Cock cock cock cock!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Alexis from Texas

Kid in cart at end of dairy aisle as man he came in with goes down aisle: Ssomeone's gonna take me! Someone's take me!

–Stop & Shop, Kingsbridge, Bronx

Overheard by: Krisztina

Omagah, It’s Wednesday One-Liners!

Gay man with a completely serious tone: It is going to take a lot of brownie mix and a lot of sex -but I am committed.

–W 52nd & 9th

Overheard by: I wish I knew what they were speaking about

Queer: Well kids, it’s been great, but I gotta go. I have a meeting in a little bit and I want to masturbate first.

–Wagner College Dinning Hall

Queer: Anyone can just leave. It takes a true queen to make an exit.

–Christopher Street

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Queer: And then I was so glad I miscarried because getting knocked up and being pregnant is like, such a hassle!

–Sarah Lawrence College

Overheard by: bitterfame

Gay guy on cell: So wait, you got kicked out because a couple of bitchy fags sprayed you with alcohol?

–23rd & 7th

Black queer: My pillow is Gucci! Raaaaaah! [He beings to attack people with said Gucci pillow.]

–Pillow Fight, Union Square

Overheard by: Lillian

Old large gay man to group of young gays: It was really great meeting you all. You are such an interesting group of people. [To one boy.] I’d love to see you in a speedo!

–Hollywood Diner, 17th St & 6th Ave

Spoken Like Someone Who’s Never Shopped at H&M

Teen girl: She said money don’t grow on trees but yeah it do. Money made of paper, paper made from trees.
20-something-guy: Actually, US currency is printed on cotton.
Teen boy: Cotton?
20-something-guy: Yeah, they use denim, like jeans.
Teen girl: My jeans don’t be rippin like money, they using some low grade shit.

–Staten Island Mall Bus Stop

Overheard by: ryn

Yo Momma So Wednesday, She One-Liners!

Woman on cell: Oh, and by the way, I called my mother to thank her. (pause) No, I said, "Mom, I'm calling on behalf of me and the girls to thank you very much." (longer pause) Well, she can just go fuck herself then.

–90th & Amsterdam Ave

Man on cell: You know a guy really likes a girl when he takes her home to meet his mom…and you know what, Sheila? You ain't never gonna meet my mom.

–South Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: smfd

Female college student to friend: We really need to cougarize your mom.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Oh really

Guy: So, hey, my mom didn't die today.

–W 26th & 8th

Overheard by: Katie_AK

Girl sneaking into open conductor's room in front of the train: Next stop, your mother's asshole! Stand clear of the closing cheeks!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Adriana

Handbag seller on street corner: Yo! Tell yo mama I got her bag right here!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Taryn

Girl on cell: Yeah, I'm bussin' it for now, my mom's on this thing that I have to show her responsibility… I know, it's like I get up in the morning, I haven't gotten arrested in a while, and I have a job, what more do you want from me?

–Seguine Ave & Waterbury, Staten Island

Wednesday One-Liners Did Chop Down That Cherry Tree

Well dressed party-goer: No, like, I went to Princeton -we lied all the time.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Cuny Graduate

Dude on cell: Okay… Great. Yeah. But I gotta go. My mom’s calling. [Hangs up, shoves phone in pocket.]

–Wagner College, Staten Island

Overheard by: Squiggs

Woman on cell: I just don’t understand why he got so freaked out about it. I said "I love you" -big fucking deal. That doesn’t mean anything. I could have been lying. I was lying, for Christ’s sake.

–L Train

Crazy hobo: Hillary Clinton is a liar, she lies. We’ve been married for 28 years and she won’t admit to it. Liar. Afraid of integration, that’s Hillary.

–E Train

Overheard by: Liz Beaux

Suit on cell to his wife: Yeah… Yeah… Oh, honey, I have to go, this is it, the train’s here. Bye! [Clicks over to the other line.] Hey buddy! How’s it going!

–125th St. Subway platform

Overheard by: EthanK

Twentysomething player on cell, picking fresh hairs off him : I feel you, I feel you, I can’t meet up with you now, I have to go to Forest Hills to get my haircut.

–N Train

Overheard by: john

Guy on cell: Most people lie to get out of jury duty and here I am being honest about NAMBLA.

–73rd & 2nd

Overheard by: melissa