Archive for the ‘Staten Island’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners for Pauly D.

Guido: It just depends where you put your penis.

–South Street Seaport

Guido on cell: Can I get a blowjob with that too? (pause) Mmmm ,yeah. Where are you right now?

–Wagner College

Overheard by: Ferch

Guido: I'm about to go back to Men's Warehouse and be like, "what the fuck?"

–51st St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Puerto Rican girl: That's it! Koreans are like Asian Guidos! Except they don't tan…

–59th & 10th

Overheard by: shawn

Only If They're Envying the Yellower Bananas

Starbucks barista: Sorry, we're all out of bananas. Would you like to try something else?
Beach bum tanning girl: But I never drink anything from here that doesn't have bananas.
Starbucks barista: Well, we have some bananas in the back, but they still look green.
Beach bum tanning girl, clearly confused: If they're green on the outside, does that mean they're green on the inside too?

–Starbucks, Staten Island

Overheard by: Jacqueline Battaglia

Wednesday One-Liners for Tammany Hall

Girl with Obama pin: Oh my god, I can't believe I spent this whole night hanging out with a Republican!

–104th St & Manhattan Ave

Overheard by: Emily

Guy to friends: There's only one thing I want him to shove down my throat, and it's not his Republican ideals.

–43rd & 8th

Gov't. Teacher: Sometimes you wanna smack a moderate.

–Curtis High School, Staten Island

Overheard by: jules

Woman: I blame McCain for the snow.

–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Philip & Richard

Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip

Girl on cell: I don't need anything else. I've got 20 dollars, my phone, and a condom.

–11th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex

Flamboyant boy on cell: Wait, where are you? What are you doing? Please tell me you'll wear a condom. (pause, then boy's face grows increasingly horrified) Several condoms.

–Dining Hall, NYU

Street vendor next to hot dog vendor: Get your Obama condoms! They go great with a pretzel!

–Times Square

Overheard by: not another tourist

15-year-old girl: Damn, nigga, I hope you flushed the condom, cuz they be using turkey basters for other shit now. They be taking the condom from the trash can and suck up the cum and put it in theyselves. I know, cuz I messed with a few niggaz who be telling me and I learn in sex ed!

–74 Bus, Staten Island

There's Nothing Like a Staten Island Banana Split

Man #1: So I'm lookin down there, and I see my girlfriend tugging at her crotch.
Man #2: Why?
Man #1: Well, it turns out she was masturbating with a banana, and she squashed it and it exploded inside of her! Haha!
Man #2: That's completely disgusting, your girlfriend is a freak and you should reconsider licking her butt, like you said you do for her.

–Staten Island

Overheard by: TOOBxSOCKS