Archive for the ‘STDs’ Category

Sexed Up Wednesday One-liners

Girl: I wanted to do something like Jenny On The Block. You know: Jennifer Lopez. My character is really hot, but she looks a little psycho. –13th St. & 3rd Ave. Teenage girl: Bitch! I did not give you syphilis. I gave you crabs. –13th St. & 2nd Ave. Overheard by: Chris Carter Asian boy: If I could name you anything, it would be “titty”. –F train Overheard by: Nathalie

Do I Hear the Pitter Patter Of Tiny Wednesday One-Liners?

Sassy lady on cell: I tell you, he got the wrong bitch pregnant!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Stunned!

Girl: Ugh, pregnancy would be like, so much worse than gonorrhea.

–John Jay Dining Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: jane

AT&T employee: Yeah, when I had my daughter I actually didn't have to stay overnight in the hospital. See, usually, after you have the baby, you have to pass the placenta. The doctor actually reached up inside me and just pulled it out, just like that. He told me I was fine to go home after that, so I did.

–AT&T Store, Union Square

20-something on cell: But I refused to go down on him…I told him I'm not ready to have a baby. (pause) Of course you can get pregnant by swallowing! Hello? Did you not take sex-ed in high school?

–61st St & Lexington Ave

Woman on cell: It's such a small opening, and it gets torn apart when you have a kid!

–42nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Weekender

20-something on cell: But I'm tired of always being pregnant.

–East Village

Overheard by: also tired

Full Frontal Wednesday One-Liners

Dude to another: Yeah, but she got a yeast infection from sitting around naked on muffins all day.

–Union Square

Overheard by: chris

Artsy guy on cell: No, no, she’s not naked… But you want to see her naked!

–12th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Flight attendant: Your pilot for the flight today is Buck Naked. Your first officer is Justin Case. That’s just in case Buck Naked decides to get buck wild.

–LaGuardia

Dude: I heard that all they do there is have sex and drink beer… And have naked snowball fights.

–41st & 7th

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Count Anal

Girl on cell: I don't know what it is with me and virgins. I think I've collected like four virgin scalps.

–Q58 Bus

Overheard by: Tom

Cashier, screaming to friend cashier: But why do you have to tell everyone that he's the guy who popped my cherry?

–72nd & 1st

Overheard by: tomas

Ghetto girl: If you got finger-popped, you ain't no virgin.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Jake M

Teen boy on cell: Of course I don't have any kids! Girl, you know I'm pure–like water in Africa.

–Manhattan Ave & 123rd St.

Overheard by: CreativeBunny

Hispanic girl, loudly to a group of friends : I mean, I'm still a virgin and I have three STDs!

–Ave C

So We Played Naked Charades and I Guessed It Right Away

Girl to friend: So, I found out that Jon has herpes and he never told me.
(friend looks at her in shock)
Girl
: Not that kind of herpes, the other kind. But I talked to him about it. It's pretty funny, actually. But he didn't tell me. Well…we don't really talk about stuff like that.


–110th St & Broadway

Headline by: ikki nikki

Runners-Up:
· “…Until I Googled Valtrex, That Is” – keeps on giving
· “Genital Sores Tend to Speak for Themselves” – DCGeek
· “So Long As He Keeps It in His Ass, It Doesn’t Affect Our Relationship” – BenGay
· “The Line for Guest Appearences on Maury Starts Here…” – John
· “We Don’t Want Things to Get Too Simplex” – erak
· “Which Is Why He Doesn’t Know About My Three Abortions” – Jesse
· “You Mean the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Kind Of Herpes?” – leoladie23


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners for the Thirteen-Year-Old in Everyone

Girl to friend: Whenever I get a really big booger, I feed it to the dog.

–Apartment Building, Midtown

Girl: And the doctor asked if she'd gone down on anyone lately, and she said "yeah, and when I was doing it, all these little bumps kept falling off in my mouth," and the doctor said "you have genital warts in your throat."

–L Train

Overheard by: atrain

Man on cell: And he opened a can of worms, ate the whole thing and then spit it all into his friend's mouth. We were dry heaving. But everyone just looked at us weird.

–1st & 15th

Overheard by: Angela

Preteen boy on cell: (belches) Huh? (belches again, loudly) What did you say? I can't hear you, I'm burping.

–77th & 2nd

Girl to friend: My dad would say, "don't send her chocolate, it makes mucus."

–W 24th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Fred Daubert