Archive for the ‘STDs’ Category

Itching, Burning, Flaking Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: I told him you had fucking mad STDs because he said he wanted to fuck you. (pause) You're welcome! –Washington Square Park Suit exiting cab: Yo, make sure you don't give him your number. He's got crabs. –30th Ave & 30th St, Astoria Overheard by: OhKellyO Blonde 20-something on phone: Either the universe just proved there is no god, or he is a motherfucking cunt! (pauses, then in low tone) Because… I think I have herpes. –Battery Park Overheard by: close enough to hear the herpes part Thug to thugette: I didn't have warts on my body till I met you. –Metro North Overheard by: baconista Guy on cell, leaning casually against fire hydrant: Hey, so, I just got my test results back, and… uh… so I got herpes. So… maybe you should get yourself tested. (pause) No, no, no. No. No! Dammit, Jessica, listen, I… fuck. Sorry, Jennifer. No, I–no, I'm sorry, I've just been making this call a lot today. (pause) Hello? –Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn Overheard by: Kytt

Wednesday One-Liners Can Still Lead a Normal Life

Pissed off gay guy on phone: What should you have said? Oh, I don’t know, maybe "Hi, I’m Michael, I have syphilis!" –13th & Broadway Guy: That’d be a great gig, but I don’t know if you want to be the face of venereal disease. –Cafe Esperanto Woman coming off train: Get away from me! You got AIDS on yo’ dick! –R Train Overheard by: going to the clinic Chick: As long as it’s not AIDS it’s okay. I’m vaccinated against everything except AIDS. –Columbia University 20-something male talking to friend: You know the way I see it: AIDS will kill you, herpes is just an inconvenience… –34th between 2nd and 3rd Overheard by: LadyEDdy Columbia student, on her public health exam: I just didn’t know where to put the gonorrhea! It had to go somewhere, I just couldn’t figure out where! –School of Public Heatlh, Columbia University Loud guy: So he gave her a venereal disease. That’s not a reason to marry her! –Blue Hill Restaurant

The CDC Has Issued a Travel Advisory

Boyfriend, looking at girlfriend's iPhone: Who is this guy Nick that you're talking to?
Ditzy girlfriend: Whatever…you don't have to worry about him. He's from New Jersey, so I would never touch him.
Boyfriend: What's that have to do with anything?
Ditzy girlfriend: Hello! Everyone knows that everyone in New Jersey has STDs! –7 Train Headline by: kate Runners-Up:
· “Experience=Wisdom” – Fresca
· “I Only Cheat on You Within the Five Boroughs” – The Cleveland Kid
· “It’s Why They Have 50 Different Words for Painful Urination” – Brother Elmer
· “Nick: I Told Her That’s Not What “Suburbia” Is…” – Porter
· “Why Lincoln & Holland Toll Takers Wear Gloves” – Leary Blaine
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-liners for Other Places