Girl to friend: I told him you had fucking mad STDs because he said he wanted to fuck you. (pause) You're welcome! –Washington Square Park Suit exiting cab: Yo, make sure you don't give him your number. He's got crabs. –30th Ave & 30th St, Astoria Overheard by: OhKellyO Blonde 20-something on phone: Either the universe just proved there is no god, or he is a motherfucking cunt! (pauses, then in low tone) Because… I think I have herpes. –Battery Park Overheard by: close enough to hear the herpes part Thug to thugette: I didn't have warts on my body till I met you. –Metro North Overheard by: baconista Guy on cell, leaning casually against fire hydrant: Hey, so, I just got my test results back, and… uh… so I got herpes. So… maybe you should get yourself tested. (pause) No, no, no. No. No! Dammit, Jessica, listen, I… fuck. Sorry, Jennifer. No, I–no, I'm sorry, I've just been making this call a lot today. (pause) Hello? –Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn Overheard by: Kytt
Pissed off gay guy on phone: What should you have said? Oh, I don’t know, maybe "Hi, I’m Michael, I have syphilis!" –13th & Broadway Guy: That’d be a great gig, but I don’t know if you want to be the face of venereal disease. –Cafe Esperanto Woman coming off train: Get away from me! You got AIDS on yo’ dick! –R Train Overheard by: going to the clinic Chick: As long as it’s not AIDS it’s okay. I’m vaccinated against everything except AIDS. –Columbia University 20-something male talking to friend: You know the way I see it: AIDS will kill you, herpes is just an inconvenience… –34th between 2nd and 3rd Overheard by: LadyEDdy Columbia student, on her public health exam: I just didn’t know where to put the gonorrhea! It had to go somewhere, I just couldn’t figure out where! –School of Public Heatlh, Columbia University Loud guy: So he gave her a venereal disease. That’s not a reason to marry her! –Blue Hill Restaurant
Underage Jersey girl #1: So he gave me another fucking urinary tract infection.
Underage Jersey girl #2: That’s so gross.
Underage Jersey girl #3: Why do you keep fucking him?
Underage Jersey girl #1: I know I have to go to the doctor, but he’s so good it’s almost worth it! –Uptown F train Overheard by: dan f.
Old junkie guy #1: …So the bitch is fucking bitching about wearin’ a condom. She won’t let me bust my nut in her ’til I slap one on. So I do! And the bitch gives me crabs!
Old junkie guy #2: What a ho. –Bx15 bus
Boyfriend, looking at girlfriend's iPhone: Who is this guy Nick that you're talking to?
Ditzy girlfriend: Whatever…you don't have to worry about him. He's from New Jersey, so I would never touch him.
Boyfriend: What's that have to do with anything?
Ditzy girlfriend: Hello! Everyone knows that everyone in New Jersey has STDs! –7 Train Headline by: kate Runners-Up:
· “Experience=Wisdom” – Fresca
· “I Only Cheat on You Within the Five Boroughs” – The Cleveland Kid
· “It’s Why They Have 50 Different Words for Painful Urination” – Brother Elmer
· “Nick: I Told Her That’s Not What “Suburbia” Is…” – Porter
· “Why Lincoln & Holland Toll Takers Wear Gloves” – Leary Blaine
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Sixth grader: Wait, I don’t understand. When you have oral sex you don’t take off your clothes, so how can you get AIDS?
Student teacher: Ummm… –University Neighborhood Middle School Overheard by: face
Megaphone lady: Don’t buy from Canada! Don’t go to Canada! Don’t support Canada at all!…Don’t buy Canadian beer! –49th & 6th
Guy #1: …So he killed himself.
Guy #2: Wow.
Guy #1: Yeah. But at least he gave her gonorrhea first. –Palladium elevator, East 14th Street
Guy #1: Wow, did you see that rat? Where did it come from?
Guy #2: It came out of nowhere, just like my herpes. –Prince Street & 6th Ave
Guy: You in need of a husband?
Woman: I’ve got the clap. –N train Overheard by: Camille Marquis