Archive for the ‘STDs’ Category

McSteamy Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on phone: I gotta go to another guy because the last guy was like, "have you been sleeping with any Asian investment bankers?" and I was like, "no," and he's like, "well, then you don't have syphilis." And I'm like, "you're not a very good doctor!" –Greenpoint Girl on train: You should really meet this guy. He's like half witchdoctor and half… I don't know… Physical therapist. –LIRR Overheard by: The WC Bag lady, yelling: What is my vital sign, asshole? Systolic… Diastolic… The fuck does that mean, Mr. Doctorman? –6 Train Overheard by: pretending not to have been pre-med in college Suit on cell: What do you mean I'm being ridiculous? He's a foot doctor… He's not licensed to give rectal exams, Floyd! –Q Train Overheard by: EKavet

The Dishonorable Discharge Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: Okay, how do I put this delicately? (pause) Yeah, I don't think I can. Here's the difference between you and me: when I hear that a guy I like is riddled with STDs, I cut off all ties and stop thinking of him as a potential sexual conquest. (pause) Alright, dude, but don't come crying to me when you get your first outbreak. –Chelsea Overheard by: tatunit 20-something girl: I swear to god: if I get syphilis, I'm spreading it. –Penn Station Girl on cell phone: Yeah, and then the lady asked me to take off my pants because she wanted to do an examination. Well, I freaked because it's like a fucking jungle down there, and I wasn't expecting the exam. It was alright, though, the poster in front of me with disgusting images of vaginas with warts and cysts and stuff gave me comfort that the situation could be a lot more embarrassing. –NYU Health Center Girl on cell: I didn't say anything about your sister having herpes! –Hunter College Crazy health teacher: Now I am going to speak about sexually transmitted diseases. I know this is a subject which you enjoy. (students laugh) What? It is true. Everyone begins to grow excited when I speak of this subject. –High School, Queens Overheard by: Sunny

What a Terrible Way to Talk to Your Parents

Suit on cell, leaving voicemail: Hi, June*, it's Tom*. I'm calling because I heard that you've been sleeping with Bill*. I just wanted to warn you to be careful, Bill* doesn't tell people that he has genital herpes. Definitely call me back if you're worried, okay?
(suit hangs up, phone rings moments later)
Suit on cell, answering: Bill*, dude! I heard you've been banging June*! –Lobby, Midtown Overheard by: Thankfully not sleeping with Jane

Wednesday Smells So Bad, One-Liners Can Taste It

Ponytailed girl on cell, excitedly: Maybe you have, like, bacterial vaginosis or something! Yeah! That would explain it. No, you don't wanna smell like cinnamon down there, cinnamon toast crotch! –86th & Lexington Girl, walking onto stinky train car: Oh, shit, yo! It smells like a whole mess of hot ass up in this piece. –L Train Loud singing teen, stopping in mid-song: Damn! Somebody smell like soup! –F Train Overheard by: bpm Smelly woman on elevator: I'ma kick that man's butt. I don't smell that strong! –Office Building, Harlem Overheard by: Liz Man: This place smells like venereal disease! –Port Authority Subway Tunnel Overheard by: Courtney Guy on cell: Who knows what I can do now that I don't smell like dogshit. The sky is the limit. (pause) Yeah, no more living in fear! –27th & 5th

Wednesday One-Liners Star in P.S. – I Lavatory You

Guy, rushing into room: Guys, come here. I need a witness in the bathroom right now. –Times Square Screaming Latino stepping into urinal: Ah! Ah! Ah! Sorry y'all, I just got dem crabs, so it hurts when it comes out. –South Ferry Voice from cubicle emitting diarrhea sounds the day after Yom Kippur: Ugh, Jewish holidays. –Broadway Woman coming out of bathroom: I just heard the woman in the stall next to me say, "I love my ample taint." –Astoria Overheard by: Alison R