Archive for the ‘Stoners’ Category

Nothing Is Real and Nothing to Get Hung About

Stoner #1: Man, this is an awesome place to come and get stoned.
Stoner #2: Dude, totally. This is what John Lennon was all about.
Actual Lennon fan nearby: Shut the fuck up! This is sacred land! Do not make me get Yoko Ono to fuck you two up!
Stoner #1: Geez, calm down.
Stoner #2: Seriously. Like, give peace a chance or whatever. –Strawberry Fields, Central Park Overheard by: Rebecca M

Also Why They Bathe Together.

Asian stoner #1: He was whitish. Wait, no, he was white. He and his brother both smoke pot and his parents do too. They even smoke together some times.
Asian stoner #2: So they, like, smoke together and stuff?
Asian stoner #1: Yeah, it's a good way to save money. –B6, Brooklyn Overheard by: laughing to himself

Actually, I Think That’s a Guild Bylaw

Meth addict #1: So… What kind of work you in?
Young woman, holding up name tag which says ‘social worker’: Social Work.
Meth addict #2: Where do you work?
Young woman: Planned parenthood
Meth addict #1: Shit. Can you find her kid? They got him in foster care.
Young woman: No, sorry. I don’t work for child services. Contact your county officials and explain your situation to them.
Meth addict #2: Yeah I don’t know where he is at. Can you get him?
Young woman: I work at Planned Parenthood. Sorry.
Meth addict #2: Just ’cause you’re pretty you can’t treat people like shit.
Young woman: Just because you do drugs doesn’t mean you shouldn’t brush your teeth. –Uptown 4 train

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Subway Sandwiches

Lost-looking chick on cell: Why do they always fuck with the trains on weekends? Don't they know there are stoned people trying to get home? –Subway Platform, Grand Central Overheard by: Poogtastic Loudspeaker dispatcher lady: Hey you! Uptown number 5! You better stop sticking your head out the window and answer me on the radio! –Uptown 4,5,6 Train, Union Square Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja. Elegant gentleman, as train starts to depart station: Oh, I didn't realize the train was going to move. –Crowded Uptown 1 Train MTA announcement: The uptown 1 train is running. –Penn Station Overheard by: Krisztina Dispatcher: The arriving train will be the next train. The arriving train will be the next train. –G Train, Court Square Overheard by: Katrink Old man: I'm coming, train. I'm coming. I'm coming, train, you son of a bitch bastard! –6 Train

I Wanna Dip My Wednesday One-Liners in It!

Dude, walking up to security desk in emergency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off. –St. Lukes Roosevelt Hospital Overheard by: Kate Melvin Stoner chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the photos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all. –7 train Overheard by: bronwyn Out-of-place guido: I ain’t wearing nothin’ that touches my balls to my asshole! –8th Ave Overheard by: finds it comforting Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!" –E 85th St & 3rd Ave Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls. –Broadway & W 4th Overheard by: Jake R Guy #1 to guy #2: I really think you’d feel a lot better if you felt my balls. –6th Ave & Bleecker