Archive for the ‘Stoners’ Category

JWowsday One-Liners

Older black man to younger black man: Yeah, cause you don't need to say you're from the Jers to pick up chicks, they ain't like that here, son. I mean, if she's mad hot then you can clue her in that you're from Jersey, but only if you think she can appreciate your flow…

–Lafayette & St. James

Frat boy crossing street: Butthole in New Jersey.

–Flatbush Ave & 7th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Hunter

Stoned-looking teen to friend: Are you from New Jersey? Maybe you told me, but I can just, like, sense it…

–Union Square

Overheard by: wgoddessw

Guy to friend: Yeah, man, I was watching that show Jersey Shore the other night… Makes me glad I live on Long Island.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Fistpump like a champ

Stressed film major: You are going to give me that fucking power chord. Then I'm going to punch you in the vag. Then you're coming to New Jersey with me.

–Tisch School of the Arts

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Wednesday One-Liners for Change

Black lady to family in obama t-shirts: You know how all those irish people have pictures of kennedy hanging up in their living rooms? Now we can do that too!

–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Definitely has a JFK picture in her apartment

Guy selling obama-themed condoms: Remember the election with every erection!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mary Button

Black woman with a child in her stroller braiding her hair: There's gona be a lot of braidin in the white house.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Subway surfer

Woman on cell phone: Girl, if I can get to the front of the line at the vma's I can get to the front of the line at the damn inauguration. Shiiiit it's barack obama, girl!

–manhattan dental waiting room

Overheard by: Catherine

Stoned kid to a group of his friends discussing politics: You know what's scary bro? If obama gets assassinated, george bush is gonna be president again.

–1 Train @ 2AM going Downtown

Black man handing out metro: "get your obama metro! Get your obama metro! See, anyone can be president… I'm next!"

–59th Street, Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Yes we can!

Normal for an American, or What?

20-something skinny hipster girl: I'm in an eating phase. It started on Tuesday, and it'll go until Friday, if I've calculated my lunar cycle correctly.
20-something skinny hipster boy: Yeah, me too… I hadn't eaten for weeks, so I'll probably go til Saturday or Sunday.
20-something skinny hipster girl: What about you?
20-something chubby stoned hipster girl: I don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about. I eat like a normal person.

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: emily darwin

Lifestyles Of the Wednesday One-Liners

Concerned teacher: Where is Ronald Reagan? Who took Ronald Reagan?

–ACORN High School for Social Justice

Middle aged lady to companion: Ronald McDonald has his nose up Hello Kitty's dress.

–Macy's Balloon Inflation before Thanksgiving Day Parade

Hobo: If you ever touch Halle Berry, I'll fucking smack you!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Margot

Girl yelling to friend getting out of cab: Get back here before I bite you in the face like Chris Brown!

–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Janelle

Stoner, as credits roll for movie Push: Dude…fuck Dakota Fanning!

–Palace Theatre

Guy: But come on, it's the Jonas Brothers in 3-D. It's like pimples and eyebrows, comin' at'cha!

–E 17th St

Overheard by: the Big R

Happy-go-lucky hobo: Liza Minelli? I thought that bitch was dead. (singing at the top of his lungs) I want to be a part of it…New York, New York!

–47th & 7th

Overheard by: Jesse Cromer