Stoner guy: And then I realized that we are the reality of reality, get it?
Slightly less stoner looking girl: Wow. Okay. What else did you do your first day at work?
–St. Marks Place
Overheard by: Garuda
Archive for the ‘Stoners’ Category
Have You Ever Read Wednesday One-Liners… on Weed?
Man on cell: Do you have any (quieter and mumbled) bagms? (pause, more intense) Do you have any (mumbled)? (one word at a time) Weed! Weed! Do you have any weeeed? (pause) No? Nothing? Well you're not much of a drug dealer then, are you?
–77th St & 3rd Ave, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: fet
Hipster: …becoming a teacher and then getting arrested for marijuana possession in South Korea.
–L Train
Overheard by: paola
Boy running by: They're playing frisbee! I have to roll a joint!
–Pratt Institute
Teenage girl to guy with long hair and long beard in a tie-dye shirt: You look like you could be some kind of famous stoner.
–L Train
Mother to seven-year-old son (angrily): Don't you ever tell anyone else at school that I smoke marijuana! I'll go to jail and you'll be dead! (suddenly calm) It is, however, something I personally believe people should have a right to do.
–M102 Bus
Exactly How Steve Carell Felt About Evan Almighty
Stoner guy, as it begins to rain: Dude, what is this shit?
Other guy: Um, rain?
Stoner guy: … Man, I got a bad feeling about this…
–Broadway & Bleecker
…As Soon As You Fall Asleep
Stoner #1: Yo, I’m Superman.
Stoner #2: If you’re Superman, I’m Superman too.
Stoner #1: How the hell can you be Superman?
Stoner #2: I’ll show you later!
–14th St., Union Square
Overheard by: Supacat
I Thought Your Pump-up Jam Was “If I Could Turn Back Time”?
["Umbrella" by rihanna is being loudly played.]
Stoned gay guy: Oh my god, I love this song. This is totally what you hear before you start shooting kids in the projects.
Gay guy: Uh, excuse me?
Stoned gay guy: Yeah. You know, it’s like your pump-up jam.
–E 10th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Dying of laughter
I Wanna Dip My Wednesday One-Liners in It!
Dude, walking up to security desk in emergency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off.
–St. Lukes Roosevelt Hospital
Overheard by: Kate Melvin
Stoner chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the photos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all.
–7 train
Overheard by: bronwyn
Out-of-place guido: I ain’t wearing nothin’ that touches my balls to my asshole!
–8th Ave
Overheard by: finds it comforting
Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!"
–E 85th St & 3rd Ave
Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls.
–Broadway & W 4th
Overheard by: Jake R
Guy #1 to guy #2: I really think you’d feel a lot better if you felt my balls.
–6th Ave & Bleecker
Don’t Bogart the Wednesday One-Liners!
Flyer guy to tourist: Take it, take it, it’s free! But my weed is not. I’ll be right here until five.
–45th & Broadway
Overheard by: Engi
Yuppie guy: Hey, you wanna buy a bong and get pierced?
–MacDougal & Bleecker
Overheard by: Betty Noir
Guy listening to iPod: Pussy, money, weed! Pussy, money, weed! Pussy, money, weed!
–183rd & Audubon Ave
Overheard by: BB
Black guy to another: All those niggas do is smoke weed and call ACS on each other!
–A train, Brooklyn
Guy on cell: Dude every time she sees me she’s like, ‘O-M-G, you’re high.’ And I usually am, but like, I like to think I hide it well. But she always knows. And even so, I’m like, ‘Em, why do you have to comment on it every single time? At the dorms, at parties, even at Target one time!’ Hahaha… But anyway, we might come Thursday. I’ll see if my funds are in order to make the trip. What kind of shit would we have to wear? Beach stuff? Oooh, and I could rock my stunna shades.
–6 train
Guy outside MTV studios: Stay calm. Everything is going to be okay. There will be marijuana giveaways.
–1515 Broadway
Overheard by: Rebecca
I Don’t Forgive Mel, and I Don’t Forgive You
College stoner: Wouldn’t it be awesome if, instead of being Oedipus’s mother, Jocasta was Wal-Mart or some other embodiment of the commercial-industrial complex? And, instead of blinding himself with his mother-wife’s brooches, Oedipus stabs himself in the eyes with his name tag pin? Like, I wonder what that all would mean, dude. You ever think about that?
Studious black friend: Wow. Pretentious much? Or are you just hashed right now?
College stoner: Hashed, man. Totally. What were we talking about, again? Oh, yeah!
–The Strand, Union Square
Overheard by: neongensis
I Need to Know What to Say in the Emergency Room
Stoner #1: Why am I so high?
Barista: Because you snorted cheese?
Stoner #2: Was it Parmesan or cheddar?
–Tully’s
How the Annoying Recognize Each Other During Mating Season
Nasal woman on cell: Heyyy, what you doooin’?
Stoner guy passerby, imitating her voice: Smokin’ weeeed.
–74th & CPW