Archive for the ‘Stoners’ Category

I Don’t Forgive Mel, and I Don’t Forgive You

College stoner: Wouldn’t it be awesome if, instead of being Oedipus’s mother, Jocasta was Wal-Mart or some other embodiment of the commercial-industrial complex? And, instead of blinding himself with his mother-wife’s brooches, Oedipus stabs himself in the eyes with his name tag pin? Like, I wonder what that all would mean, dude. You ever think about that?
Studious black friend: Wow. Pretentious much? Or are you just hashed right now?
College stoner: Hashed, man. Totally. What were we talking about, again? Oh, yeah!

–The Strand, Union Square

Overheard by: neongensis

Explain How Cher Is Hot

Stoner: She’s so fucking hot because she’s Asian and she only goes by one name — Selena — so you know she’s hot. Like Madonna… Or Jesus… Or Gandhi… Or Cher.
Friend: Gandhi had two names, dumbass.

–NYU Weinstein Dining Hall

Nothing Is Real and Nothing to Get Hung About

Stoner #1: Man, this is an awesome place to come and get stoned.
Stoner #2: Dude, totally. This is what John Lennon was all about.
Actual Lennon fan nearby: Shut the fuck up! This is sacred land! Do not make me get Yoko Ono to fuck you two up!
Stoner #1: Geez, calm down.
Stoner #2: Seriously. Like, give peace a chance or whatever.

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Overheard by: Rebecca M

We Knew It Would Happen When Dick Came Out

Stoner #1: You know how there’s these milestones in movies, like the first movie to show a tit, the first one to show a dick, the first one to show someone pinching a loaf?
Stoner #2: Yeah…
Stoner #1: I wonder when there’ll be the first movie with the word ‘fuck’ in the title. Think we’ll live to see it?
Stoner #2, after long pause: Not counting porn?
Stoner #1: Of course.
Stoner #2: Yeah.
Stoner #1: So, you think we’ll live to see it?
Stoner #2: Porn?
Stoner #1: No. ‘Fuck.’ In the title.
Stoner #2: Hope so.

–B41 bus, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry