Archive for the ‘Stoners’ Category

Whatever You Do, Don't Drop Your Wednesday One-Liner in the Toilet

Dude with headphones on: How the fuck did Britney Spears get on my iPod? –13th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Alice Bus driver: Next stop, 47th Street. And to the asshole who has his iPod on too loud, turn it down or I'll throw you the fuck off. –M15 Bus Overheard by: Turned mine off immediately White girl: It was like Hanukkah on my iPod yesterday! It said there was no battery left but it lasted for two hours! –Bayside, Queens Overheard by: Alexandra Dad to girl: If you can just get over being a pissy girl, you get a free iPod Touch. –23rd St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Jill Twiss Really stoned girl, looking at iTunes latest releases: iFart mobile? Do they really have that for sale? iPhone can fart now? (pause) Is there anything an Apple device can't do? –Bayside, Queens Man playing electric guitar on subway: I take Mexican money, I take umbrellas. I take whatever you got. I have three kids at home who need iPods. –2 Train Overheard by: res

Hershey's Wednesday One-Liners

Drunken guy to stoned guy: I would kiss you, but you might remember. –Columbia University Overheard by: Lo Girl: And so he's like, "I kissed you on the mouth last night", and I'm like "oh really? I didn't know." –Prospect Park Overheard by: jaytro Dude on cell: Yeah, bro, leave it to me. I decide to cheat on my wife and I end with some stupid whore who wants to play kissie-face in a fucking Newark parking lot. –Penn Station Overheard by: AdHoculi Cute girl approaches frat boy at bar: I was going to pretend I don't know you, but I do know you, and now I think I want to kiss you. Is that okay? –Clinton & Montague, Brooklyn Heights Latina girl on cell: Well, my cousin died two years ago, right, and on the one-year anniversary that's when I kissed him. –Outside Victoria Fashions, 116th & 3rd Overheard by: Chuckles Older German woman with accent: So when she was little she used to take a bunch of sleeping pills and lay on the floor, and she wouldn't get up until someone kissed her! It was so cute! –1 Train Overheard by: EthanK

Poor Winners Are Even Nastier Than Poor Losers

Girl: Oh shit! A dime!
(a stoner boy steps on the dime as the girl goes to pick it up)
Girl: Hey, could you please move? Hey, you're stepping on a dime! Hey!
(boy drags foot forwards with dime under it, ignoring her)
Girl, trying to lift the boy's foot: Get off! Get off the dime! Jesus! Hey! You're stepping on a dime! Get off!
(boy slides forward again and the dime slips out. He continues sliding his feet towards a stairway)
Girl (holding up dime triumphantly): Yes! A dime! (pointing at boy) You! I will kill your family! –Stuyvesant High Overheard by: I love this school

Moral Of the Story: When in Doubt, Guess “George”

Stoner #1: Okay, so George Bush is our President, right?
Stoner #2: Yeah.
Stoner #1: If the Vice President dies, who's the President?
Stoner #2: Umm… George Washington.
(hysterical laughter)
Stoner #3: You bringing back niggas from the dead and shit.
Stoner #1: You just like my dad, we asked him who was the first President, he was like (imitates Asian accent) Oh, oh…okay, I know this, I know this… George Lincoln. –Internet Cafe, Mott St. Overheard by: Hugh

Have You Ever Read Wednesday One-Liners… on Weed?

Man on cell: Do you have any (quieter and mumbled) bagms? (pause, more intense) Do you have any (mumbled)? (one word at a time) Weed! Weed! Do you have any weeeed? (pause) No? Nothing? Well you're not much of a drug dealer then, are you? –77th St & 3rd Ave, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn Overheard by: fet Hipster: …becoming a teacher and then getting arrested for marijuana possession in South Korea. –L Train Overheard by: paola Boy running by: They're playing frisbee! I have to roll a joint! –Pratt Institute Teenage girl to guy with long hair and long beard in a tie-dye shirt: You look like you could be some kind of famous stoner. –L Train Mother to seven-year-old son (angrily): Don't you ever tell anyone else at school that I smoke marijuana! I'll go to jail and you'll be dead! (suddenly calm) It is, however, something I personally believe people should have a right to do. –M102 Bus