Archive for the ‘Straight Trippin’’ Category

Actually, I Think That’s a Guild Bylaw

Meth addict #1: So… What kind of work you in?
Young woman, holding up name tag which says ‘social worker': Social Work.
Meth addict #2: Where do you work?
Young woman: Planned parenthood
Meth addict #1: Shit. Can you find her kid? They got him in foster care.
Young woman: No, sorry. I don’t work for child services. Contact your county officials and explain your situation to them.
Meth addict #2: Yeah I don’t know where he is at. Can you get him?
Young woman: I work at Planned Parenthood. Sorry.
Meth addict #2: Just ’cause you’re pretty you can’t treat people like shit.
Young woman: Just because you do drugs doesn’t mean you shouldn’t brush your teeth.

–Uptown 4 train

Tracy Chapman Only Needs One

Girl #1, touching bamboo sculpture: Rose, how do you think they're gonna get this down?
Girl #2: I dunno, untie it?
Girl #1: But I mean… Are they gonna, like, move it to a warehouse or, like, incinerate it? That's super not ecologically sound.
Girl #2: Um…
Girl #1: Fuck! They should just put pandas up here. Like a shit-ton of pandas. One, pandas eat bamboo. B, it would get the job done fast and all that would be left is the rope. Three, the more pandas eat, the stronger they get; the stronger they get, the more they bone, and then they're less endangered. Four, it would be really cute on the news, and… Five? Dude, pandas!
Girl #2: Are you high?
Girl #1: I've just had a Riesen.

–Roof Garden, The Met