Archive for the ‘Straight Trippin’’ Category

…Against Your Chemically-Induced Emotions

20-something Long Island girl: Oh god! This breakup has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I honestly don't even care that he dumped me.
Friend: Yeah, totally.
20-something Long Island girl: Seriously, he needs to realize if it wasn't for that sweater he was wearing, and the fact that I was on ecstasy that night, we would have never dated for this long.
Friend: Yeah! It was J.Crew… And they were double stacked…you were powerless.

–Lokal Bar, Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Aaron

4 Out of 5 Dentists Prefer Wednesday One-Liners

Sleazy guy: I love going to my dentist, the new one. The hygienist holds my hand while they’re giving me a shot. She talks to me. She pets me like a chinchilla. It’s fantastic.

–Elevator, 360 Park Avenue South

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Old man with pet lizard: Thirty-four years ago we got married. She had dental coverage. It’s very easy to find a girl with medical coverage… Dental, not so easy.

–77th St & 37th Ave, Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Gail Montemayor

Blonde tween: they usually take out 2 teeth before they put on the braces. They took 4 of mine. It felt great! I wanted ‘em to take all of mine and be all gums.

–D Train

Overheard by: Going to keep those wisdom teeth a bit longer

Girl on cell: So I was able to brush my teeth without feeling like I was going to puke.

–77th and 2nd

Cleaning woman on cell phone: She is a butterface. You know, everything’s lookin’ good but her face. Her body is nice, but she has some ugly-ass, skanky ass face. I told her she ain’t gonna get no man without any teeth in her face. I told her she’s gotta get some nice grilles put all up in there.

–Atlantic Mall

Overheard by: jsillyfun

Ghetto girl spouting knowledge to friend: Sometimes, you just gotta bite your teeth, and turn the other head…

–4 train

Guy on acid: I can’t get the taste of teeth out of my mouth!

–Riverside Park

Overheard by: LSB

Where Lawyers Come From

Spazzed customer: Yo, dude, I need something to help me concentrate. I have to take a really big test and then I can forget it all. I have to take the bar — have you heard of that? It’s for being a lawyer.
Employee: Um, well, we have this herbal product to increase the blood flow to your brain.
Spazzed customer: Can I smoke pot with it?
Employee: Uh, sure.
Spazzed customer: Great. You take credit cards?
Employee: Yeah.
Spazzed customer: Great, thanks [leaves the store without buying anything].

–GNC, Astoria