Man selling comedy tickets: Hey! You guys look like you would enjoy some comedy and free drinks.
20-something man: No, I hate all of those things.
Man selling comedy tickets: Jeez, you don't have to be so sarcastic.
–42nd & 8th
Overheard by: Comediphile
Archive for the ‘Strangers’ Category
Give Me Credit for Waiting to Make a Move
Hobo: Hey, c'mon now, we know each other what, ten years? Ten years, we be saying “hi” to each other. No need to act like that.
Professional-looking lady: You put your hand on my ass!
Hobo: Oh, that didn't mean nothing. C'mon, we be friends. Ever day we say “hi” and smile and talk while we walk and now you gettin' all riled on me.
Professional lady: You put your grimy, damn hand on my ass.
Hobo: Oh, that was just a friendly little touch. C'mon, now, we friends. We know each other too long to let somethin' like this cause problems. Ten years. What's your name again?
–53rd St & 8th Ave
When Did New Yorkers Start Staring at Weirdos?
Teen #1: I can't believe you've never seen Rejected. It's all over the internet. You quote it all the time!
Teen #2: I do?
Teen #1: Yeah! “My spoon is too big!”
Random guy several seats away: “My anus is bleeding!”
Teen #1: Yaaaay!
Random guy: Now everyone on the train is staring at me like.Who is that weirdo? Except for you.
Teen #2, a minute later: What did he say about his anus?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
It's Rather Hard to Miss
Random lady to pregnant Indian woman: It's a girl… Girls make your ass look huge.
Pregnant Indian woman: Oh… But, it's a boy, I just went to doctor.
Random lady: Did your doctor see your huge ass?
–Cortelyou Rd, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Taylor
Now Shut the Fuck Up!
Child screaming: Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
Stranger to father: Kids, huh?
Father: He's lucky his mom's pro-life.
–Times Square
It's Always Sunny in Wednesday One-Liner
Swaying hobo with outstretched arms, as it starts to drizzle: I make it rain, I make it rain, I make it rain on you, hoes!
–14th St & University Place
Conductor over PA, on sunny 50-degree day: Due to inclement weather, the 2 and 3 trains will be running on the local track.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Ladle
Bag lady: I'm not selling ass, just panhandling. It's too cold.
–9th Ave & 25th St
Really tall dude to no one in particular, very energetically: It's a beautiful day, oh my god! I'm gonna cancel all my appointments and go on a walk!
–2nd & Bedford
Angry stranded guy: And you were all like "it doesn't snow in the city, there are too many cars!"
–Bleecker St
Doing This Job Is Enough to Make Anyone Hate Comedy.
Comedy girl: Hey! Do you like stand-up comedy?
20-something power-walking girl: I hate comedy.
Comedy guy: I love you!
–48th & 7th
I'm Too Sexy for My Wednesday One-Liners.
Comedian guy with flyer: Girl, you have some sexy nostrils!
–Broadway
Gay man to another: Next Halloween I am going to be a sexy tub of lard.
–Broadway & Spring
20-something hot girl on cell: So, like, Kristin was supposed to go as a water-boarding torture victim, which is hilarious, but then, she like, um, shows up as a *sexy* water-boarding torture victim, which is better than being, like, all gross and frumpy. But come on… that's not funny.
–Q Train
Creepy old man: When I was was a kid… Coney Island was hot! I mean "sexy." I mean it was… Bam!
–Neptune Ave
Overheard by: taylor
Girl on cell: It's really not like a sexy stabbing.
–Centre St
Aw, It's Almost Like a Christmas Atmosphere!
Patriot: Happy motherfucking America Day, everyone!
20-something: It's called the 4th of July, dumbass.
Patriot: You shut your goddamn liberal commie bitch ass mouth, you fuckin terrorist!
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Graham Davis
…I Thought Only Monkeys Did That?
Angry man on street: Fuck ass the ball! Fuck ass the ball!
Bystander: Did he just say, “fuck ass the ball?”
–Bed-Stuy