Pompous, insane English professor: Right now I am being plagued by a contagion, but I will return your reports anon. –Barnard College Student, to friend who just bashed the side of his head: What the hell? You're hurting my ganglia! –Columbia University Overheard by: John David Black mom to teen daughter walking away from her: No, you get back here and listen to what I'm sayin! You gotta pay attention–niggas be instigatin! –Nassau & Fulton Overheard by: Tigertail First year legal scholar: I feel like our relationship is terminated for perpetuity. –Grand Central Overheard by: bunbury Yuppie on phone: Wait. (pause) Bruhaha, right? –70th & Broadway
Street vendor #1: Socks! Socks!
Street vendor #2: Your kids and my kids are down in the underworld together. –Court & Livingston, Brooklyn Overheard by: Sean McGurr
Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea… –Columbus & 62nd St Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking. –Columbia University Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke! –Spring & Hudson Overheard by: Oscar Gamble Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity. –125th St Fairway Overheard by: Just Shoppint Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you. –Houston & Lafayette Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung
Designer on cell: I'm with a client right now. Can I call you back in two hours? I'm with a client. Bye.
Designer: Oh, my fucking son. –Lexington Ave
Husband pushing carriage to wife: You're lucky I'm on my way to church right now, or I'd kill you. –Upper West Side Chick on cell: But the real question is, is he Catholic? And an insomniac? –113th & Broadway Overheard by: Poogins Sequined Australian drag queen: Well, I know an Antichrist religion when I see it. –2nd St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Alisha Girl on phone: He told me he was raped by a Catholic priest when he was little, but like I don't believe him. –Butler Library, Columbia University Train conductor: 110th Street, Cathedral Parkway. There are churches here, you know. –1 Train Man to woman, after getting off cell phone: Ah, that was Nancy–booty call. She says I gotta get over there before she's got to go to church. –Q Train Overheard by: spygirl
Girls looking at pictures: He was mad fat, but he was a good ass baby. –Uptown A Train Guy walking through sea of sun bathers: There aren't even that many fat people here… That's good. –Sheep Meadow, Central Park Guy on cell: You're not skinny fat, no. –East Village Guy on cell phone: You mean you're not going to fatso's wedding! –N Train Overheard by: wasn't even invited Female suit: Why the hell does Weight Watchers have so many big fat people working in their offices, anyway? That's so not inspiring! –40th & Madison Ave Guy on phone: You mean the really nice one? She got big? What do you mean by big? (pause) Oh. Well, she has an exceptionally beautiful face, man. Do the right thing. –9th & 15th Overheard by: Courtney
Marketing girl: Would you like to try a new perfume? It's for you and your pet! –Bryant Park, Outside Fashion Week Tents Overheard by: jycho Girl: I told my mom that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life. Yesterday she sent me an e-mail with a link to petfinder.com. –Student Center, Barnard Overheard by: Kristine Man trying to sell comedy club tickets: Cheaper than an abortion! More entertaining than the crucifixion! More fun than euthanizing your pets! –50th Ave & Broadway Overheard by: Colleen Queer on cell: Well, women are just pets for straight men. –E 10th St Woman on cell: So are you going to tell your daughter that you ate her pet? –20th St & 1st Ave Overheard by: Jesse S G
Judge to room packed with prospective jurors: I am going to give you a number to call in case of an emergency. You should copy this down. The number is 917-480… (pause) Oh shit! (mic becomes muffled). Um, sorry. That was my cell phone number. –Supreme Court Building Woman on cell: Our codependent lewdity shall rage on, Verizon! Take that! –113th & Broadway Overheard by: McF Hipsterette to another: Well, you shouldn't have to sleep with someone to find out if he's going to call you back. –Coffee Shop, Park Slope Overheard by: TheGreenCat Conductor: There is a C train just across the platform. For those of you who have a sudden urge for a change of plans and wish to abandon your plans to go to Park Slope tonight, you can hop off here and take the C to East New York. I hope you have a phone to call your family, you won't be home for dinner! –F Train Overheard by: Staying on the F Girl in bathroom stall on cell: Okay, my phone is dying, I will call you later. (pause) Call you from a payphone? I don't know how to use one of those. –School, Lower Manhattan Well-dressed woman walking tiny dog, yelling into cell: You know what, John? You can e-mail, don't even call me. I don't want you on my phone. (pause) Hello? –Columbus Circle
Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass. –Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Emily B. 40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there? –Starbucks Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior. –Queens College Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along. –22nd St & Park Ave Overheard by: Rachel Peters Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow! –B44 Bus Overheard by: Micah Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular! –Union Square Overheard by: Smudge
Man with beard to friend: You should stick with her. I mean, she's giving you her kidney! –77th & Columbus Teen hipster, commenting on girl's nose: It's not too nosy, but you know it's a nose. –Starbucks, 71st & Broadway Overheard by: Maddie Girl: She just really needs that second body, you know? –W 16th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Emily B. Guy yelling to friend: So I said "My rectum? My rectum!?" –Broadway & John St Guy on phone: No, bitch, you rub my belly! –Houston St Conductor over intercom, after train stops: Folks, I apologize for the delay, the conductor had to make a pit stop…when you get old, your kidneys start to fail. –Metro North Train Overheard by: Kristin