Archive for the ‘Street’ Category

Wednesday One-Diners

Fashionista: Y'know, it was just one of those restaurants that served bone marrow, because, like, they should be serving bone marrow.

–Allen & Delancy

Overheard by: wba2101

Jersey mom in purple jumpsuit: Ah, I love this part of New York. In one block you have an Olive Garden and a TGI Friday's.

–Times Square

Girl: Johnny Rockets my ass! If I wanted to go to the 1960s I'd use a fucking time machine!

–8th St & Greene

Drunk guy, wisely: No, people who eat on trains can't afford Chipotle!

–Uptown A Train

20-something guy to sobbing 20-something girl: It's okay, there's a Burger King right around here.

–4th St & Ave B

You Can't Handle the Wednesday One-Liner!

Girls on bench: Is US weekly magazine, like, the only one that's true?

–Central Park

Man on cell, crossing street: And I told that Jewish cunt that everything she's heard about black men is true, and I'm gonna stick my foot in her fucking mouth.

–46th St & Madison Ave

Bum conversing with Bible-toting teens: Yes, it's in the Bible… But is it true?

–Union Square

Skater boy: Most things aren't true.

–72nd St & Amsterdam

A Picture Speaks a Thousand Wednesday One-Liners.

Father to two toddlers walking with mommy: So your mother offered to take me to The Standard for our anniversary, where we'd pose naked in the windows for all to see. I told your mommy I'm game… Afterwards we'll sell the pictures in Australia, how's that sound?

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: geedee

Hipster, on being mugged: So I'm in the ambulance, but instead of feeling bad about it I took a picture of myself and put it on Twitter.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Girl on cell: Just take nude photos of yourself. Go home. Take off your clothes, stand in front of a mirror, and take pictures.

–23rd St

Slutty-looking hipster chick on phone: My ex boyfriend said that he googled me and found naked pics of me.

–4th Ave & 86th St

Overheard by: bay ridge bitch

Annoying teen girl: He said "You know Limp Bizkit? Well, this is limp dick!" And he sent me a picture of his soft penis and I died laughing on the street!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Wallflower

Wednesday Buy-One-Get-One-Freeliners

Upper East Side crone: I just came back from Sudan, and there was nothing to buy there!

–Gift Shop, American Folk Art Museum

Hick obese wife to hick obese husband: Sometimes I like Wal-Mart better, sometimes I like K-Mart better. It depends on the day.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Emily Faxon

Tourist lady on cell: No, I was in the store the entire time! I got 8 pashminas!

–Canal St

Overheard by: Canadian Girl

Cheerful 10-year-old with cornrows to 30-something woman: This is a world famous store! So don't be surprised if you're still here at one o'clock!

–Macy's, 7th Ave

Asian girl, pointing to D'Agostino: Oh, that's D'Agostino. It's like a Japanese grocery store or something.

–10th St & University

Upper East Side mom: I shop at Target because I like to support out local businesses whenever I can.

–62nd & 3rd

Wednesday One-Liners Would Shoot Jodie Foster to Impress You

Girl on cell: You have a mini what? Stalker? (pause) Do you mean "mini" like a little person? Or like only partial stalking?

–Park Ave & 77th St

Woman to friend: No wonder that guy is stalking you! You told him everywhere you were going!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: sarah

Suit on cell: Yeah, yeah, hold on a minute. I gotta cross the street to stalk this girl.

–Times Square

Overheard by: creeped out

Mother to daughter, indignantly: No, it's not stalking! It's called being resourceful.

–16th St & 9th Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Are Boning Their Secretaries

Suit on cell: Yeah, we'll be whoring ourselves out. But that's what we do.

–53rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: I wish I got a bailout.

20-something suit: Beating a redneck at beer pong while wearing a suit is the classiest thing ever.

–79th St & Broadway

Overheard by: next victim

Suit: Ahahahaha! Haha! Ahhh. Fuck everyone.

–7th Ave

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Suit on cell: C'mon, man, it's only 300 grand.

–45th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Kári Emil Helgason

Fat suit to hottie: Hey! I have money! (hottie walks on by) Really! I do! (she doesn't stop) Fuck it. You don't care. But I do!

–3rd Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Old suit to another, both laughing: I owe money, but not my money… other people's money!

–60th St & Lexington

Overheard by: J

Wednesday One-Drink-Minimum Liners

Man arguing with woman: I was single and drunk and shit happened.

–3rd Ave & 13th St

Man to woman: If I wasn't so diabetic I wouldn't have got so drunk.

–14th St & Ave A

Overheard by: S

Enthusiastic 30-something woman: This is a fine time for me to start drinking again!

–Blue Bar, Algonquin Hotel

Overheard by: Terry

Girl to friends: I don't think I'm a whore. It just enhances what you would normally do with less judgment.

–Astoria

Overheard by: The Princess og Fancy

Excited girl: I haven't drunk since the last time we drank!

–1st Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: Erin

Wednesday One-Liners Are Next to a Building Near a Starbucks, Okay?

Girl on cell, looking up: I don't know, nigga! I'm standin' in fronna some ancient castle or some shit.

–Wall St & William St

Southern guy on cell: No, seriously, there's shade on the side of the streets here! (pause) No… No, I know. (pause) I'm sitting on a bench, outside, in the shade!

–Central Park

Locationally-challenged woman on cell: I'm on the street, kinda near Blockbuster?

–Blockbuster, Broadway & 9th

Girl on cell: I'm not sure where I am, everything is Asian.

–Bakery, Chinatown

Middle-aged woman on cell: We're in Soho, and he has a three-legged dog.

–Bowery & Spring

Overheard by: Kaze

Wednesday One-Liners for Kendra

Young lady: Stupid people have more fun!

–Chrystie & Housten

Overheard by: Probably True…

Middle age woman to young woman pushing stroller: Well, this is a stupid place for a stroller!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Would the street be safer?

Oversized hip-hop boyfriend to undersized girlfriend: I'm being stupid for your benefit.

–Duane Reade

Woman buying ibuprofen: It's not a virus. My mother's got a headache from everyone being stupid.

–Inwood

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl smoking on the sidewalk to smoking friend: He's perfect. Except that he's kind of dumb. But he's perfect!

–34th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Katface

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liner

Slightly thugged-out guy, rapping to little white poodle: Li'l coco! You's a muthafuckin' beast, yo! Li'l coco! Yeah!

–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: John Bender

Guy to dog: Lady, it's just me! There's only me!

–77th St, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Big burly guy to tiny yorkie, as it sniffs tree and walks away: Well, thanks for that false alarm.

–43rd St & 10th Ave

Upper West Side lady to little pampered dog with sweater: It's okay, baby, you can talk.

–80th Ave & Columbus

Hipster dog walker, whispering to herd of dachsunds: Mushhhhh…

–Central Park