Archive for the ‘Street’ Category

Have You Seen Wednesday? It's Totally Had Its One-Liners Done.

Woman on cell: I can't believe no one said anything… How could no one notice? It used to be sooooo crooked, and I spend all this money to get my nose fixed, and no one says anything? –Norfolk & Houston 50-year-old lady: So are you still down for the Brazilian wax? –45th & Broadway Overheard by: Chuch Little girl, pointing at someone having their eyebrows threaded: Look! They're sewing that woman's face! –14th St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: kenzi Orange lady: Is it like you definitely, for sure get cancer from a tanning bed? Cause then I might stop. –Park Slope Overheard by: Alexis

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Wednesday One-Liners?

Woman, picking up rubber ball, to employee: Oh, what can you do with this? –Scholastic Store, Soho Freshman girl: What do we, like, throw in the recycling bin? –Leon M. Goldstein High School Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman Woman, descending stairs onto train platform: Oh my god! Is that a train? –Penn Station Overheard by: curious to know what else she was expecting to see at a train station… Random tourist to young Asian kid: Do you sell fake bags? –Canal Street Station Astute shopper: Do you take Duane Reade cards here? –Duane Reade Overheard by: fellow customer Guy on cell: Bagels with butter? Where am I gonna get that? –Upper East Side Overheard by: sarahjane

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The Superfluous Eruditeness Of Wednesday One-Liners

Pompous, insane English professor: Right now I am being plagued by a contagion, but I will return your reports anon. –Barnard College Student, to friend who just bashed the side of his head: What the hell? You're hurting my ganglia! –Columbia University Overheard by: John David Black mom to teen daughter walking away from her: No, you get back here and listen to what I'm sayin! You gotta pay attention–niggas be instigatin! –Nassau & Fulton Overheard by: Tigertail First year legal scholar: I feel like our relationship is terminated for perpetuity. –Grand Central Overheard by: bunbury Yuppie on phone: Wait. (pause) Bruhaha, right? –70th & Broadway

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Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea… –Columbus & 62nd St Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking. –Columbia University Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke! –Spring & Hudson Overheard by: Oscar Gamble Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity. –125th St Fairway Overheard by: Just Shoppint Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you. –Houston & Lafayette Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung

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In the Name Of the Father, the Son, and the Wednesday One-Liner

Husband pushing carriage to wife: You're lucky I'm on my way to church right now, or I'd kill you. –Upper West Side Chick on cell: But the real question is, is he Catholic? And an insomniac? –113th & Broadway Overheard by: Poogins Sequined Australian drag queen: Well, I know an Antichrist religion when I see it. –2nd St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Alisha Girl on phone: He told me he was raped by a Catholic priest when he was little, but like I don't believe him. –Butler Library, Columbia University Train conductor: 110th Street, Cathedral Parkway. There are churches here, you know. –1 Train Man to woman, after getting off cell phone: Ah, that was Nancy–booty call. She says I gotta get over there before she's got to go to church. –Q Train Overheard by: spygirl

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Wednesday Fatty-Boombalatty-Liners

Girls looking at pictures: He was mad fat, but he was a good ass baby. –Uptown A Train Guy walking through sea of sun bathers: There aren't even that many fat people here… That's good. –Sheep Meadow, Central Park Guy on cell: You're not skinny fat, no. –East Village Guy on cell phone: You mean you're not going to fatso's wedding! –N Train Overheard by: wasn't even invited Female suit: Why the hell does Weight Watchers have so many big fat people working in their offices, anyway? That's so not inspiring! –40th & Madison Ave Guy on phone: You mean the really nice one? She got big? What do you mean by big? (pause) Oh. Well, she has an exceptionally beautiful face, man. Do the right thing. –9th & 15th Overheard by: Courtney

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Wednesday One-Liners and the People Who Love Them

Marketing girl: Would you like to try a new perfume? It's for you and your pet! –Bryant Park, Outside Fashion Week Tents Overheard by: jycho Girl: I told my mom that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life. Yesterday she sent me an e-mail with a link to petfinder.com. –Student Center, Barnard Overheard by: Kristine Man trying to sell comedy club tickets: Cheaper than an abortion! More entertaining than the crucifixion! More fun than euthanizing your pets! –50th Ave & Broadway Overheard by: Colleen Queer on cell: Well, women are just pets for straight men. –E 10th St Woman on cell: So are you going to tell your daughter that you ate her pet? –20th St & 1st Ave Overheard by: Jesse S G

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Can You Hear Wednesday One-Liners Now?

Judge to room packed with prospective jurors: I am going to give you a number to call in case of an emergency. You should copy this down. The number is 917-480… (pause) Oh shit! (mic becomes muffled). Um, sorry. That was my cell phone number. –Supreme Court Building Woman on cell: Our codependent lewdity shall rage on, Verizon! Take that! –113th & Broadway Overheard by: McF Hipsterette to another: Well, you shouldn't have to sleep with someone to find out if he's going to call you back. –Coffee Shop, Park Slope Overheard by: TheGreenCat Conductor: There is a C train just across the platform. For those of you who have a sudden urge for a change of plans and wish to abandon your plans to go to Park Slope tonight, you can hop off here and take the C to East New York. I hope you have a phone to call your family, you won't be home for dinner! –F Train Overheard by: Staying on the F Girl in bathroom stall on cell: Okay, my phone is dying, I will call you later. (pause) Call you from a payphone? I don't know how to use one of those. –School, Lower Manhattan Well-dressed woman walking tiny dog, yelling into cell: You know what, John? You can e-mail, don't even call me. I don't want you on my phone. (pause) Hello? –Columbus Circle

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