Archive for the ‘Street’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Wish They Could DVR Their Lives, Instead

Young woman on elevator to friend: I have a date this Thursday with a guy I met on match.com, and I was so excited, but then I remembered Thursday is Grey's Anatomy! I mean, I'm DVRing it, but that's so not the same. –Wall St. Overheard by: krazyhippie Large 40-something woman: But I'm not gonna be on Maury sayin', "I'm 100% sure!" Because I'm not! –10th St & FDR 20-something woman on cell: It's white, sleeveless…well, you don't watch Gossip Girl but it's totally Blair-worthy. –W 19th & 5th Ave Appalled girl to friend: So, I guess he just couldn't hold it in and needed to share with everyone around him, so he just shouted out "Fuck! I miss Gossip Girl!" –Mercer & W 3rd Saucy Latina: Telemundo makes BET look like The History Channel. –171st St & Broadway Overheard by: The Low Hat Guy to friend: My girlfriend is cool if you and your boys are…she loves the BBC when she's high. –PATH Station Overheard by: smjcnj 30-something woman on cell: Remember season one of The Hills? What a simpler time. –Columbia University Overheard by: The Evil Triangle

Wednesday One-Liner: The World's Oldest Profession

Older, dirty-looking hobo: Hey, spare me some change, all I want tonight is a hooker and some malt liquor. –Ave A & 4th St 20-something girl: Seriously! There is nothing better after a stressful day than stealing a car, picking up a hooker, taking her to the beach, fucking her, killing her, getting your money back and not getting arrested. Nothing! –Underhill & St. Mark's, Brooklyn Overheard by: Claire H. Young woman to boss: If you don't give me more hours, I'mma have to start sellin' my pussy! –Chelsea Overheard by: Holly Subway musician in drag the night before Valentine's Day: Be with the one you love! If you don't have anyone, then hire somebody! And keep your receipt! –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Morning Glory Musician on train platform: Everything gonna be alright! Get home safe, New York. Remember: if you see something, say something, don't keep it to yourself. And remember, New York, if you can't be with the one you love, pay someone! Keep all the receipts. I know what I'm talking about. –B Train Overheard by: Free Love

Wednesday One-liners

Woman: A hundred dollars worth of squeaky toys and you eat garbage off the floor! I don’t get it. –22nd & 7th Overheard by: debo Teenage boy: Once I hit the blind kid that lives downstairs with a ball and I felt so bad but it had me thinking, “what if he got his sight back by me hitting him?”. I would be like, “yo, you have your sight back thanks to me, give me some money.” –2 train Girl on cell: Your ass is, like, slightly cuter than my face. –Union Square

Have You Seen Wednesday? It's Totally Had Its One-Liners Done.

Woman on cell: I can't believe no one said anything… How could no one notice? It used to be sooooo crooked, and I spend all this money to get my nose fixed, and no one says anything? –Norfolk & Houston 50-year-old lady: So are you still down for the Brazilian wax? –45th & Broadway Overheard by: Chuch Little girl, pointing at someone having their eyebrows threaded: Look! They're sewing that woman's face! –14th St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: kenzi Orange lady: Is it like you definitely, for sure get cancer from a tanning bed? Cause then I might stop. –Park Slope Overheard by: Alexis

Wednesday One-Liners?

Woman, picking up rubber ball, to employee: Oh, what can you do with this? –Scholastic Store, Soho Freshman girl: What do we, like, throw in the recycling bin? –Leon M. Goldstein High School Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman Woman, descending stairs onto train platform: Oh my god! Is that a train? –Penn Station Overheard by: curious to know what else she was expecting to see at a train station… Random tourist to young Asian kid: Do you sell fake bags? –Canal Street Station Astute shopper: Do you take Duane Reade cards here? –Duane Reade Overheard by: fellow customer Guy on cell: Bagels with butter? Where am I gonna get that? –Upper East Side Overheard by: sarahjane

The Superfluous Eruditeness Of Wednesday One-Liners

Pompous, insane English professor: Right now I am being plagued by a contagion, but I will return your reports anon. –Barnard College Student, to friend who just bashed the side of his head: What the hell? You're hurting my ganglia! –Columbia University Overheard by: John David Black mom to teen daughter walking away from her: No, you get back here and listen to what I'm sayin! You gotta pay attention–niggas be instigatin! –Nassau & Fulton Overheard by: Tigertail First year legal scholar: I feel like our relationship is terminated for perpetuity. –Grand Central Overheard by: bunbury Yuppie on phone: Wait. (pause) Bruhaha, right? –70th & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea… –Columbus & 62nd St Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking. –Columbia University Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke! –Spring & Hudson Overheard by: Oscar Gamble Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity. –125th St Fairway Overheard by: Just Shoppint Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you. –Houston & Lafayette Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung

In the Name Of the Father, the Son, and the Wednesday One-Liner

Husband pushing carriage to wife: You're lucky I'm on my way to church right now, or I'd kill you. –Upper West Side Chick on cell: But the real question is, is he Catholic? And an insomniac? –113th & Broadway Overheard by: Poogins Sequined Australian drag queen: Well, I know an Antichrist religion when I see it. –2nd St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Alisha Girl on phone: He told me he was raped by a Catholic priest when he was little, but like I don't believe him. –Butler Library, Columbia University Train conductor: 110th Street, Cathedral Parkway. There are churches here, you know. –1 Train Man to woman, after getting off cell phone: Ah, that was Nancy–booty call. She says I gotta get over there before she's got to go to church. –Q Train Overheard by: spygirl