Archive for the ‘Strippers’ Category

I Like to Braid It Using Only My Tongue

Woman with strong Southern accent: I am gonna have her bachelorette party in my apartment next weekend.
Husband: (nods)
Woman: But the goddamn stripper won't return my phone calls.
(waitress brings shots)
Woman: What is this?
Waitress: Tequila, on us.
Woman: This'll put hair on my boobies.
Husband's friends: That's just how he likes it.
Husband: (nods) –Brother Jimmy's BBQ, Upper West Side

Wednesday One-Liners: Great for Bachelor Parties!

16-year-old girl on cell: So like, for Halloween my mom told me about this strip club we could go to… –110th & Central Park West Overheard by: sophie Balis-Harris Drunk stumbling Yankee meathead to fellow meatheads: Yo! Let's get some fucking strippers! I don't give a fuck about my girlfriend! (pauses and looks around) If I drop any more beer on this woman… (spills half his cup on her back) Ah, fuck. –Yankee Stadium Overheard by: seat 12 section 23 20-something woman on cell: What, you had sex with that stripper?! –Union Square Overheard by: Liz Drunk suit: Yeah…we did it up fo' my son's 18th birfday. He be graduatin and all this year, so we sprung fo' a stripper. –Q67 Bus Overheard by: Kate Teen screaming into cell: Stripper. (pause) No, stripper! –Little Italy

At This Point in Time, I Have No Recollection Of Those Wednesday One-Liners

Girl: I only remember things when I insult them! –Bronx High School of Science Overheard by: urbanadventurer College dude: I remember this place… We were here last night right before I blacked out! –St. Mark's Place Overheard by: Amanda Girl on cell: Okay, if you're stopping by my house, remember to bring that shirt you borrowed from me. Mmm-hmm. By the way, your husband wants to get it on with another dude. –Union Square Woman on cell: Alright, honey, have a fun bachelor party. Just promise me you'll get shit-faced, fall-on-your-ass drunk so you can't remember any of those strippers. Okay? –Prospect Park, Brooklyn Overheard by: Wait. What?