Archive for the ‘Strippers’ Category

No Wednesday One-Liners in the Champagne Room

Soccer mom: In two weeks, my knitting circle’s going to the strip club.

–28th & Lex

Girl: I want to become a stripper so that I can see Patti LuPone in Gypsy every night.

–St. James Theatre

Overheard by: Erin

Loud NYU chick: Listen to the opening guitar riff of Voodoo child. It makes you want to be a stripper!

–Bobst Library

Overheard by: evil em

Six-year-old boy to parents: Oohh! Zombie strippers! Let’s see that!

–Port Authority

Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”

Drunk woman: I won’t sleep with people when I’m drunk. I’m not like that. I get drunk and I punch people in the face… I’m totally against infidelity. I can’t deal with that. I mean, I’ve been caught cheating lots of times, and it totally sucks.

–44th & 8th

Overheard by: Caitlin

Guy: So, he’s pissed off because he’s dating this fucking hot stripper — she’s, like, West of freaky — and he can’t tell anybody because they’re all friends with his fiancé and would tell her.

–Brooklyn-bound D train, Atlantic Ave stop

Overheard by: just visiting

Girl on cell: Sorry, I’m on my way to the airport. It was either go to Michigan or cheat on my boyfriend… No, I’m going to Michigan.

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: Cat Darcy

German girl, after breaking kiss with another chick: Don’t worry about my husband too much…

–Frost St, Greenpoint

Overheard by: jayloo

Black man on cell: … So I put my hand between her legs… Nah, she wasn’t wearing any panties… She’s mad cool, but she’s married…

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: Izabela

Ghetto mama: … And I said to her, ‘No, I did not fuck yo’ husband. But I did let him eat my pussy!’

–Nostrand Ave

Overheard by: Kris S.

Wednesday One-Liners Write Off Nipple Tassels on Their Income Taxes

Father to son: Well, I guess she’ll just have to become a stripper…

–Times Square

Overheard by: Lezbitron

Girl on phone: I guess we should go ahead with the strippers and do it.

–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: MG

Middle-aged woman: I don’t know. I mean, can you put a 20 in the G-string?

–Metro-North, Harlem Line

Frat boy: Hey, man, belly dancers ain’t strippers. I learned that the hard way.

–AMC Theaters, Lincoln Center

Girl to pal: Well, where do you want your ashes spread? A strip club?

–12th & 3rd

Overheard by: Talia

Hillary Knows How To Host a Re-election Party

Girl #1: Remember at that party when that stripper picked up a dollar bill with her pussy lips?
Girl #2: Ohhh, yeah — that wasn’t a stripper. That was a full-on whore.

–77th & 1st

Overheard by: mjg

Headline by: clink

Runners-Up:
· “… and It Wasn’t a Dollar Bill. That Was a Full-on Penis” – Caro
· “America DOES Have Talent” – Staci Lynn
· “Because I Saw That Thing Give Change” – nicky c.
· “But We Call Her Aunt Gladys” – Mark Paul
· “I Was Just Shocked She Did It through Her Jeans.” – SAtCW
· “Kind Of Like the Difference Between Maury Povich and Springer” – alana landa


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Are Working Their Way Through Grad School

Suit on cell: Like, she’s not a masseuse and she’s not a stripper, you know what I mean? I want her to be, but she’s not… I can always go to a masseuse parlor or a strip club, you know what I mean?

–110th, between Broadway & Amsterdam

Hobo: Anyone got some change? Or some food? Anyone? Does anyone have anything they want to help me out with? I’m jobless and times are hard… Damn, I knew I should’ve been a stripper, but I’m just not that kind of guy, you know?

–Fulton-bound A train

Flash Dancers employee handing out flyers: Hey, you like girls? You like girls? No? You like guys? We got guys… [whispers] but you gotta go in the back door.

–Outside Flash Dancers, 52nd & Broadway

Overheard by: not going in any door

Flyer dude: Female strippers! With STDs!

–48th & 7th

Dude on cell: I was a male stripper for the two years I was a youth pastor.

–N train

Lady passenger to cabbie: I teach kindergarteners and I strip!

–12th & 3rd

Overheard by: Matty K