Archive for the ‘Students’ Category

Watching Organic and Inorganic Chemists Dance-Fight Like the Sharks and the Jets

Professor, rolling up a blackboard to reveal a second blackboard that is covered in general chemistry: Oh god! Oh god…get it off! Ew!
(class laughs)
Professor: No, not the ideal gas law! We don't need that, we're organic chemists! There is no such thing as gas! No such thing as gas!
Student #1: Organic chemists are very sensitive.
Student #2: This is kind of tragic. –Organic Chem Class, Barnard Overheard by: Vicksburg

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Wednesday One-Liners Strike Hard and Fade Away Without a Trace

Undergrad: Ninjas, see. You can’t creep up on them. You can’t creep up on them because actually they’re creeping up on you. And the person you’re creeping up on is actually a mendicant. –Fordham University, Lincoln Center Overheard by: pumpkin Teen girl to friend: No one knows about Staten Island. It’s like the ninja island. –Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island Overheard by: Green Star Young lady suit on cell: Want to know what I learned today? Okay, you know how I really hate those rolling briefcases because they fucking ninja you while you’re walking? Well, today I learned that it’s really hard to be angry about a rolling briefcase when it’s being pulled by a genuine midget. It’s like watching a pony pull a cart. It’s adorable! –Penn Station Overheard by: she wasn’t too tall herself… Geeky girl: They should really make a video game about a ninja doing the dishes. That shit would be dope. –Flatiron District

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Read My Lips, Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: No I'm not bringing anything, this is not a date, it's 10 o'clock on a Friday night. I'm bringing my vagina, that's what I'm bringing. –Court St & 2nd Place Girl on cell: I mean, there's nothing obviously wrong with my vagina! –23rd & 7th Girl on bike: I feel like I've had a pencil up my vagina for 10 hours! –Hudson River Bike Path Distraught NYU student: I'm covered in vaginal cream. –NYU Dorm, Union Square Overheard by: Erica Fuld Hurried young guy on cell: Well, you can't just sniff anyone's vagina! –W 52nd b/w 9th & 10th Ave Gay on phone: But what does her vag look like? –Chelsea Overheard by: Liz

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Wednesday One-Liners: Fact or Fiction?

Guy: It's like August: Osage County, but with zombies. –Manhattan Theatre Source Overheard by: Emily B. Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wizard. –Dorm, Pratt Institute College student: Ghosts? They're like VT! –186th St & Amsterdam Black female suit on cell: Yeah, well you betta hope Tinkabell comes along… Or whoever the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wishes! –Penn Station Overheard by: emily d. Annoyed man on cell walking down stairs: No, mom, I don't know what werewolves eat! No, mom, I don't! Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm going into the subway! –Union Square Subway Entrance Overheard by: Masked Avenger

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People for the Ethical Treatment Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: I don't think that hamsters respond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does. –Bank St. & Greenwich St. Overheard by: Katie Compa Crazy redneck-looking guy to PETA circus protester: They're gonna do to us what they did to the lions! We'll be put in concentration camps! –Madison Square Garden Overheard by: Santiago and Catie Guy: And she can ride him like a horse! –W 103rd St Graying Brooklyn guy to another: You know, the only thing I haven't seen is a bobcat. –7th Ave & 4th St, Brooklyn Underclassman to another: Lizards can't impregnate anyone. They don't even have penises. –Townsend Harris High School Overheard by: amused Drunk man in tiger costume to McDonald's worker: There's an escaped zoo animal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serving your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for breakfast menu) –McDonald's

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Wednesday One-Liners Blame Their Mothers

CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies. –Hallway, CCNY Overheard by: ladyliver Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on. –1250 Broadway Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed… –Smoke Shop, Park Slope Overheard by: Kiri Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy. –Good Stuff Diner, 14th St Overheard by: Kosi Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn. –Port Authority Overheard by: Sarah History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental. –Bronx High School of Science Overheard by: Lillian

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What Do You Want? I’m from New York

Student: Well, like, trickle down economics works on a small scale.
TA: In what circumstances do you mean?
Student: Well, like, in third world countries… You give a family a cow, or you can give them two cows, and then they watch them mate and they sell their milk.
TA: [Silence.] –NYU classroom, 13th & 4th

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