Loser: You know something? I like to stick ice together. –Quizno’s, St. Mark’s Place
Yuppie: There is in fact a fundamental difference between Ray’s and Webster’s. One is a series of restaurants that sell pizza; another is a book that you can look up the definitions of words in. –Party, The West Village
Young man comes up to the manager of a cafe in Brooklyn sitting next to me, inquires about the “help wanted” ad outside, and during the course of an impromptu job interview says, “I just wanted to tell you that for my emotional health I can’t work too hard, and especially I can’t move my wrists that much. So how hard would I work here?”
Old lady (looking directly at Hispanic woman and her baby): They don’t speak English and they don’t wanna learn. They just want pay from America. They hate our guts.
[to baby]: Give your Mommy a kiss! –B6 Bus, Brooklyn
In a coffeeshop in Los Angeles (the Novel cafe in Santa Monica), a tutor is giving a beginning Spanish lesson to a student at the table next to me. The student is reading a newspaper article in Spanish, and then translating each sentence word by word:
Student: “I don’t know what this word, ‘decada’ means”
Teacher: “What do you think it means?”
Student: “I don’t know”
Student: “I really don’t know”
Teacher: “Here’s a hint. It’s very similar to an English word”
Student: “‘Decada’? Deca….. I have no idea”
Teacher: “It’s almost identical to the English word”
Teacher: “There’s only one letter difference”
Teacher: “C’mon, what do you think?”
Student: “I really have no idea”
(Teacher pinches her on the nose!)
Teacher: “It’s Decade!!!”
Student: “Ahhhhh!!!! Okay! I feel stupid!”
NYU Girl #1: Oh my god! I was so drunk this weekend, and now my legs are covered in bruises. They look terrible, you have no idea. I don’t even know how I got them.
NYU Girl #2: Ha, ha! I love when that happens. I love drunk bruises. –NYU Elevator Overheard by: Stephanie
Deli guy (to another deli guy): He’s got a shrimp salad sandwich too. Here, I’ll mark the paper for you so you don’t get confused. I know your brain, it don’t work so good. Do you want me to write it in Mexican or in English?
Four teenagers in a convertible at a stop-sign speaking about me as I cross the street right in front of them, in Vancouver: “Hey, he looks Jewish!”
Hysterical Man: The bridge is swinging! Everybody get off the bridge!
Reasonable Man: It’s supposed to swing! This is a suspension bridge! –Brooklyn Bridge
Woman in McDonald’s: “…and they were conversating about…”