Archive for the ‘Stuyvesant Town’ Category

With New Stereotypes Arriving Daily, It’s Hard to Keep Up

Black bagger: I got to get me a soos. Man, I need a soos. Honey, you know where I could get me one?
Black woman paying for groceries: No.
Black bagger: Oh, hey I bet this guy knows. Hey guy! You! Do you know where I could find me a massage therapist?
White guy in line: I have no idea.
Black bagger: Oh, damn; I thought you’d know. –Supermarket, Nostrand Ave, Stuyvesant Town Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

When You Wednesday Upon a One-Liner, It Makes No Difference Who You Are

Guy walking by himself: I wish everybody who is not mentally ill would just drop dead! –9th St, Park Slope Overheard by: Rear Admiral Butts Guy (admiringly, to attractive girl passing by): Damn, girl, I wish you were a guy! –14th St & 1st Ave Ditzy girl to another, about her boyfriend: He's teaching himself philosophy right now. He bought a philosophy dictionary. He can do that, you know, because he's so smart. I wish I could do that! –Astoria Overheard by: squarehand Young guy to girl: Dude, I wish Dali was still around so he could do my album. –Museum of Modern Art Overheard by: Gino Serious girl: I wish I had gotten the ovaries! –Korean Baptist Church, Astoria Overheard by: Evan

Unless It’s an Apparition Doing the Molesting, Like That Hot Scene in Ghostbusters

Girl #1: I am so wasted. I got molested by some Mexican at this sleepover party thing.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, I woke up and everyone was fighting cause he touched my boobs. I think there’s some law saying that you can’t molest someone while they’re sleeping.
Girl #2: Actually, I think there’s a law saying you can’t molest someone, period. –Stuyvesant High School Overheard by: if walls had ears

And So’s That Guy Who Plays Keyboard for the Muppets. What’s Your Point?

Young Man #1: No, no no no!
Young Man #2: You’re wrong and they’re wrong.
Young Man #1: Naw, man, look-
Young Man #2: You are WRONG and they are WRONG.
Young Man #1: They can’t, it’s not like-
Young Man #2: A psychiatrist is a DOCTOR, man.
Young Man #1: So is a massage therapist! –39th & 12th Overheard by: Keri

Just One More Hit of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Attention, ladies and gentlemen, there’s a slight delay due to reports of somebody smoking crack… and other stuff… on the back of the train. –Church Ave Overheard by: Katie & Jaime Teen girl, to older woman: You ‘posed to eat. Ain’t ‘posed to smoke no rock! –Classon & DeKalb Queer in RA’s office: Now, when we got there they were selling hash brownies and weed muffins — we were in Amsterdam — and everyone else was trying some, so I figured I would, too. Then we went to the Anne Frank Museum, and of course that’s when they started kicking in… –Fordham University, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Wishes he heard the rest of the story Man on cell: I know, but then they started smoking crack on stage. –10th St & Stuyvesant Guy on cell: I’m at Stuy High… Whaddya mean ya don’t know what that is?! Gotta know where the weed’s at! –Near Stuyvesant High Man to concerned woman: Don’t think of it as buying weed from a drug dealer. Think of it as supporting a cottage industry. –Christopher & Bleecker Overheard by: amused priest

After the Fistfight, an Ethnic Mismatch Comedy Started Production

Black receptionist: Carlos De Jesus George? Are you here?
Latino receptionist: It’s not pronounced ‘De Je-zus George,’ but ‘De He-sus Hor-he.’
Black receptionist: Excuse me? What are you saying? This clearly says ‘Carlos De Jesus George.
Latino receptionist: No mother would name their son Jesus. And besides, that’s not the correct pronunciation in Spanish.
Black receptionist: What? Oh, girl, you know I don’t speak those words. –Doctor’s office, 15th & 1st