Archive for the ‘Stuyvesant Town’ Category

The Child Is the Father Of the Wednesday One-Liner

Flamboyant hipster Latino to straight-looking Latino boyfriend: Someday he'll call you daddy, and then all hell is gonna break loose. –Ave C & 16th St Lady to nine-year-old boy: I hate to tell you, but your dad is in jail. He owes me a lot of money! –R Train Guy on cell: Yeah, look, I told you. Your bail was set at $18,000. The bail bondsman wants 10%. Where the fuck am I supposed to get $1,800 to bail your sorry ass out of jail? (pause) Yeah, I love you too, dad. –33rd St b/w 7th & 8th Ave Overheard by: Jason FedEx delivery guy on cell: How the hell did Halle Berry get pregnant without me being the father? –Spruce St Overheard by: janine

Who's a Good Wednesday One-Liner? You Are!

Serious man to dog: I am very disappointed in you. I expect more of you than that. –Carroll Gardens Overheard by: Sunny Woman to pooping Jack Russell terrier: Don't even pay attention to all those people who are looking at you. They all poop too. Everybody poops! –University & 9th Little girl, angrily to her dog for going at a mural: You just peed on Barack Obama! –East Village Overheard by: Z Woman to dog: No, we can't go in there; that's an evil pet store. –50th & 9th Overheard by: Natalie Woman to her dog: You know, there are a lot of crazy people in the world. That's why I trust your opinion so much. –Tompkins Square Park Overheard by: Jessie

Wednesday One-Eyed-Trouser-Snake-Liners

Middle aged woman on cell: You will never see your penis again! No more penis! Is that punishment enough for you? –82nd & Columbus Ave Black man to friend: None of them jeans fit, cuz my cock is just too huge, nigga! –Steve & Barrys, Mariners Harbor Staten Island Overheard by: Samantha Sister to brother leaning on her crossed leg: Excuse me, I feel like your pee-pee is resting on my foot. –7 Train Latina to friend: He did everything short of taking out his penis and smacking him with it! –Jerome Ave, the Bronx Chick: Man, I just feel like there are a lot of penises and penis information in my life lately. –Columbia University Overheard by: Meister E. Middle aged man on cell: But does she know about King Dong, the penis pump? –Stuyvesant St, Manhattan

Wednesday One-Liners Are Waiting for the Tooth Fairy

Lady on cell: I've been standing here for like fifteen minutes…I don't know which one to choose. It's so hard…it's been like years since I've bought toothpaste. –Duane Reade Overheard by: Doreen 40-something woman: I'm always wondering, is it teeth or tits? –MJ Armstrong's Public House Overheard by: JP Girl to friends looking into camera: Jane* got the foreskin stuck in her teeth. –Grand St, Brooklyn Mother to daughter: Your tooth came out last night. I didn't want to disturb you, but at least you have your other teeth in. –Hester & Grand Flustered strand employee: He left his teeth on the floor and just took off! –Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners Go Bump in the Night

College girl looking for a costume: I want to be a bumblebee–but not a slutty bumblebee! –Ricky's, Near Columbia Overheard by: M Suit on cell: Just put a paper bag over your head and you can be that guy! You're the paper bag guy! –Sheepshead Bay Road (on Halloween) Young child to mother, after walking by a large group of people in zombie make-up: Mommy, that homeless man said he wanted to eat brains! –St. Mark's Place Overheard by: Blair Girl in Supergirl costume, yelling on cell: I'm so sick of walking. (pause) I said I'm fucking sick of walking! (pause) I'm just dressed like Supergirl, you asshole, I can't *actually* fly! –E 20th, Stuyvesant Town Loud young Latina on Halloween: I wanted to be a hooker today, but I couldn't afford the costume. –Troutman & Knickerbocker, Bushwick Girl to another (dressed as Wilma Flintstone the morning after Halloween): Man, the Halloween walk of shame is the worst! –33rd & 3rd

Wednesday Ugliners

Employee: I was eatin' with my fried Okra and I vomited all over your fetus…and that's why you're so ugly. –The Strand Bookstore Overheard by: Dazzle Girl on cell: Oh, please! That bitch is ugly and her cooch probably smells too, he can have her! Because I don't need him or his greasy ass head or pencil dick. (pause) What? Oh, fuck you also! (hangs up and storms off) –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Rich Serious gay black man on phone: Oh, please honey…there are just so many ugly white women in Europe…it's got to be something in the water! –45th & 8th Ave Overheard by: Culturally Challenged 20-something guy on cell: She ain't the prettiest bitch, but she got these crazy little hands. –Throop & Macon, Bedford-Stuyvesant Overheard by: elephantgiraffe Hipster girl: I have ugly friends. I just don't hang out with them on weekends. –McCarren Park Pool Overheard by: I don't hang out with ugly people Attractive tween to friends: And then Lindsay's aunt came into the bathroom to comfort us and said, "pretty people always get blamed for things ugly people do." –W 65th St. & Columbus Ave

The More the Merrier, Wednesday One-Liners!

Elderly woman sipping wine: Three girls and one guy? Sounds like a good time! –Queens Overheard by: amused cashier Dude on cell: Hey bro, whatcha doing? Oh, yeah? What about your friend, does he like doing that? Does he like it a lot? Do you think I can come over? Well, then we can all do that together, a lot. (sees people looking at him) I'll talk to you later, bro. –Church St Post Office Overheard by: deshaunicus Serious girl: And then they asked for a three-way, but a tasteful one. –15th St & 5th Ave Middle aged woman to friend: I just got this bike seat but I have to return it. I was riding around on it yesterday and when I woke up this morning, I felt like I'd been gang-banged by the Pittsburgh Steelers. –Bike Shop, 12th St & Ave B 20-something chick: I am *so* over threesomes. There's just too much going on! –Weight Room, Coles Gym Overheard by: M.F. White chick in sundress: I'm too naive for their kind of orgies. –Dallas BBQ, 165th & Broadway Overheard by: Ladle Drunk guy at bar: I have to pee, but first I have one word for you: threesome. –Crocodile Lounge