Archive for the ‘Stuyvesant’ Category

Unless It’s an Apparition Doing the Molesting, Like That Hot Scene in Ghostbusters

Girl #1: I am so wasted. I got molested by some Mexican at this sleepover party thing.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, I woke up and everyone was fighting cause he touched my boobs. I think there’s some law saying that you can’t molest someone while they’re sleeping.
Girl #2: Actually, I think there’s a law saying you can’t molest someone, period. –Stuyvesant High School Overheard by: if walls had ears

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not Hot for Teacher

Teacher: Some of the answer choices people picked were really out there. I probably could've put peanut butter and jelly, and people would think, "Oh, damn, I'm hungry, I should pick that." –Stuyvesant High School Overheard by: Student Teacher: Guys, no matter what happens, if you're absent on a test day you must bring in a note! I don't care if you're walking to school and suddenly the ground opens up and you're sucked into candyland–I need a note! –LaGuardia High School Overheard by: a note of chocolate? Acoustics teacher: This only emphasizes how little I know about acoustics. Or rather, how little is known about acoustics. –Cooper Union, Astor Place Overheard by: a student is only as good as his t eacher Teacher to little boy: You ain't gonna die just cause your leg got sprinkled on! –L Train Overheard by: Misshellee Principal: I can see what you're doing…with this bouncing and the little hand on your hip…you're trying to undermine my authority with your bad posture, I can see exactly what you think of my administration. –Bard High School Early College

Wednesday One-Liners: “Is This Thing On?”

PA system: Leia, please meet your party at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your party at the front. –Bed, Bath & Beyond, 18th & 6th Overheard by: Rebecca Announcer over loudspeaker: The time is now one am o'clock! –Baggage Claim, JFK Overheard by: Kimmie Loudspeaker announcement: Attention, all late night shoppers, this is a live announcement. I repeat, this is not a recording! Right now, in our deli department, fully-cooked chickens! Come on over and get your chickens! They're hot! They're fresh! And they were alive this morning! –Pathmark, Cropsey Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: Stacy Announcement over loudspeaker during class: Hello, I'm sorry for the interruption. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go outside, they're about to tow your truck. –Stuyvesant High School Loudspeaker: Good afternoon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean "flag football" will meet in the cafeteria immediately following advisory. –East Side Community High School

It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: So last night I hit myself in the eye with my broom while baking lasagna, drunk. –Blarney Stone Pub Suit on cell: Oh man, you should definitely ice and elevate that shit. –AMC Lowes, 68th & Broadway Overheard by: Jessica Segal Man in wheelchair to woman pushing him: Remember when I hit that stroller head on and the kid passed out? –33rd b/w 7th & 8th Conductor on speaker: Please bring the first aid kit to car three, please bring the first aid kit to car three, a passenger has a bite. –Train Leaving Penn Station Teen to friend: And that’s how I got my penis stuck in a pencil sharpener. –Stuyvesant High School