Archive for the ‘Stuyvesant’ Category

Fast Times at Wednesday One-Liners

Teacher: My father always told me, "Never run away from a fight. If the guy's bigger than you, hit him. If he gets back up, hit him again. If he gets back up again, hit him with a garbage can. If he still gets back up, run like hell, 'cause this dude's gonna kill you!"

–Stuyvesant High School

Teacher: Okay. Emergency procedures. If the fire bell rings, we run like hell.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Goober

Chinese teacher (referring to Sichuan earthquake): They had a saying after the earthquake happened that originates from a male part. "People are supposed to rise up, and get hard!" …and be strong.

–Bard High School Early College

Math teacher: Give me your little men!

–Spence School

English teacher: I could be charged with child abuse in some states for teaching grammar in 90-degree weather. (student is silent) I'm not going to hit you.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Poor Winners Are Even Nastier Than Poor Losers

Girl: Oh shit! A dime!
(a stoner boy steps on the dime as the girl goes to pick it up)
Girl
: Hey, could you please move? Hey, you're stepping on a dime! Hey!

(boy drags foot forwards with dime under it, ignoring her)
Girl, trying to lift the boy's foot
: Get off! Get off the dime! Jesus! Hey! You're stepping on a dime! Get off!

(boy slides forward again and the dime slips out. He continues sliding his feet towards a stairway)
Girl (holding up dime triumphantly)
: Yes! A dime! (pointing at boy) You! I will kill your family!


–Stuyvesant High

Overheard by: I love this school

Hey, I Saw the Crude Sketches in the Boys' Restroom Way Before That

(class is watching a science video)
Scientist in the video
: The problem with the big bang is that we know nothing about it. We don't when it banged, why it banged, how it banged, what exactly was being banged…

(entire class laughs)
Smart-ass student
: See, when a man loves a woman…

Smarter-ass student: Please, as if you didn't just learn that last year in bio!

–Stuyvesant High School

Stop Sending Me Self-Help Books and Cher Calendars

Guy #1, shouting to friend: Yo! Where have you been? We need to start!
Guy #2: No, man, I gotta go.
Guy #1: You're so gay.
Guy #2: I know. But that doesn't change anything. I have to get home.
Guy #1: Get back here! Now that you've admitted you're gay, you have to stay here so that we can all help you cope.
Guy #2: Sometimes I don't get you, dude.

–Stuyvesant High