Archive for the ‘Stuyvesant’ Category

Oh, Get Your Mind Out Of the Wednesday One-Liner!

Angry bus driver: Get out of my rear. Get out of my rear. –Q44 Bus Overheard by: This is why men do not give birth Law professor, pulling out a cough drop: Sorry guys, if I don't suck on this, I just won't make it. –CUNY Law School Overheard by: That's what she said Chemistry teacher: No, it's really warm here. (pause) Feel my test-tube. –Stuyvesant High School Large black lady to girlfriend: I'm not gonna let him put his babbaganush in my peace pipe! –Houston St & 1st Ave Overheard by: ian has a face Loud woman on cell: Yes, he stuck it up my right one, and when it was halfway in, I was like "ow, you need to take it out!" and then he stuck it up my left one, and I felt no discomfort! –72nd & 2nd Old lady to another: So is there an oral tradition in your family then? –86th & Broadway Overheard by: Frenchie

Last Night While I Was Sleeping, They Dipped My Hand in Water!

Guy #1: I'm so tired. The monks kept me up all night.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: There are a bunch of Buddhist monks staying at my house.
Guy #2, laughing: What? Are you serious? Why are they there?
Guy #1: Because my mom is a political activist or something.
Guy #2: (laughs)
Guy #1: It's not even funny, it's just weird. I have all these Buddhist monks plotting a revolution in my living room! –Stuyvesant High School

A Brief History Of Wednesday One-Liners

Suit: The ancients left records all over the place. Look at the pyramids, dickhead. –83rd & Amsterdam Overheard by: EthanK Drunk guy, as '80s song plays on jukebox: '80s music was so inspirational, cuz they knew Reaganomics wasn't gonna work. '90s, we were in a boom so it was like, "don't forget how bad things are!" Now music just sucks, cuz everything sucks. –The Punch Bowl, 238th & Broadway, The Bronx Overheard by: Kyle Crocodile Preppy blond guy: Wow, I didn't realize The Great Depression was so bad! –Columbia Law School Drunk hobo yelling at sidewalk: Fuck those guys! They can't fire me! They need me! What the fuck? I built those temples, goddamnit! Those Mayans need me! I'm the only one who built those temples! –23rd b/w 4th & 5th Wisdom-sharing mother of two: Well, of course socks were invented first! Soccer was invented before shoes and they wore socks to play it! Why do you think it's called soccer? They were wearing socks long before they were wearing shoes. –Restaurant, Columbus Ave Girl: Wait! George Washington is Johnny Appleseed, right? –Stuyvesant High School

Because You Steal Kids from Orphanages?

Jewish girl: That reminds me of this old Jewish story. Like, there was this queen with seven sons and she had to decide which one would be king, so she told all of them to go bring her a great treasure and they all came back with like gold and jewels but then the youngest one came back with this little orphan girl and he's like “Oh, she just needs love,” so the mom is like, “yes, you shall be king!”
(entire class is silent)
Random guy: Wait…what?
Jewish boy: This is why we're oppressed. –Stuyvesant High School