Archive for the ‘Subway conductors’ Category

He'll Feel Superior for About a Minute, Before He Realizes He's in Brooklyn

Train conductor: This is Atlantic Avenue. If you don't want to be left in the city get off now, if you are going to the city, buckle up… wooo hoooo!
Ghetto woman: This nigga lost his mind.
Ghetto child: Just like daddy?
Suit: Fucking morons! (walks off train) –Q Train Overheard by: Got Off On Atlantic

Now I Know My Wednesday One-Liners, Next Time Won’t You Wednesday One-Liner With Me?

Little boy singing to mother: E is for druggies! –R Train Overheard by: Allegra Crazy hobo: Take the V train! V is for vasectomy. Why take the crowded E train where all the lesbians will crush you? –V Train Platform Overheard by: Tom Conductor: This is 14th Street. Transfer here for the L as in "lower level of hell". –F Train Overheard by: So True Little boy playing with chopsticks: Look mom! (forms a V) V for Victoria! (forms an X) X for xylophone! (forms a T) and T for terrorist! –Japanese Restaurant, 3rd & 25th Conductor over loudspeaker: I know it’s Saturday afternoon and all you people are mad confused because the trains are all messed up on weekends, so listen up: The W as in "Will you marry me?" will be running on the Q as in "cookie" line. And the R as in (goes in operatic singing voice) "rooooooooooomeooooooooooo" will be running normally for the rest of the weekend. Alright y’all… There you go. Enjoy your Saturday! –Canal Street Subway Station Overheard by: stfo

Wednesday Wears the One-Liners in This Family

Southern tourist in pink pants: I don’t see anybody else wearing pink pants around here! –73rd & Broadway Overheard by: Harriet Vane Girl on cell, wearing leggings and a t-shirt: Oh, shit, I forgot to put on pants again. –Columbia University Lady in corner stall: Damn, I done sweated through my pants! –Restroom, 1 Liberty Plaza Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me! –Columbia University Overheard by: bih. Thug: I’m the only playa in the hood with his pants on his waist! –10th & Ave B Overheard by: Kayla K Conductor over intercom: Attention, all crew members! Be sure you have your pants! Hey, Larry, you got yo’ pants? –Penn Station Overheard by: Geologist

This Round's on Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to another: Now the average American might not know about the economy and the depression. But they know about Budwieser. If they go to the bodega and there's no Budweiser, they know there's a problem. –53rd Street E Station Overheard by: SJG Bald 30-something man: I believe in whiskey and little else. –Lorimer & Union Girl walking down the street: You took methamphetamines, I'm getting a Diet Coke! –2nd Ave & 11th St Overheard by: dazed and confused Elated girl: This beer is really helping my canker sore. –93rd & 2nd Overheard by: brian w Guy at bar: If the New York Public Library served Scotch, I would go there. –Karl's Klipper, St George, Staten Island Overheard by: Johnny Drongo Train conductor: Next stop, Moshulo Parkway…and can someone get me a fucking soda! I'm in car 3! I need a damn soda! –4 Train Overheard by: B-Dizzle Yo

They Just Like Watching Us Scurry

Conductor #1: The arriving N train pulling into the station will be leaving first. I repeat, the arriving N train pulling into the station will be leaving first.
Conductor #2: This is the N train!
Conductor #1: Everyone get back on the train! Everyone get back on the train! –Ditmars Boulevard station

Wednesday One-Liners Are Shameless Pecker Checkers

Suit on cell: I said to him, "If I had my dick out on the bar, you think she wouldn't look at it?" and he kept telling me I owed her an apology, so I said, "Sweetheart, sorry I looked at your pussy." Listen, I gotta get off the train now. I'll call you back. –LIRR Overheard by: Pasty Guy standing at lowered urinal to guy standing at regular height urinal: The low urinal is for the guys with big dicks, so they don't bottom out. –Roc Restaurant Guy to group of friends (boisterously): I only date chicks with small hands…makes my dick look huge! –St. Andrews Bar Overheard by: allimax Woman (screaming into phone): Suck my dick, bitch! –Near Manhattan Mall Guy shouting into cell: We got a cab. And you can eat a dick. –Hanover & Water Overheard by: Kaitlen Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because some dick is holding the door. We will be moving when the dick takes his arm out the door. –4 Train Overheard by: jessie

When God Closes a Wednesday One-Liner, He Opens a Window

Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. (pause) Please stand clear of the closing doors. (pause) Station police officer, please apprehend the man holding the doors in the 6th car. (pause, then doors close) Hahaha, that always works. –B Train Overheard by: JustMe Conductor: The door in car number two is not working, if you are looking at this door not opening I recommend moving, youuuuuuuu might want to move. –LIRR Overheard by: Brian Broker MTA engineer: Please use all exits. For the love of god, people, use all the doors to get out of the train. What the fuck, people, use the doors. Thank you. –G Train Overheard by: lolz Conductor: Please stop holding the doors. (people continue to hold doors). I'm already on the clock, I have nowhere to be. –A Train Overheard by: oliviz Disgruntled subway conductor: Listen up, y'all! This train needs to move! Do not try to hold open the doors! Do not run at closing doors! Do not stick anything in the doors! That includes arms, legs, obnoxiously expensive purses, children, animals, whatever! Let's go! –1 Train Overheard by: Sarah Conductor: Please stand clear of the doors or it will bruise yo face. –C Train Overheard by: Chris