Two Chinese men sit down on the bench next to a sleeping homeless man trying to sleep. Hobo: Ah, hell no! You’re not going to start having a conversation like that at 3 in the fuckin’ morning…I ain’t got no motherfucking subtitle button on me! –49th Street station Overheard by: Schweiz
Guy: I can’t wait ’til I am finished with med school and I can start working as pediatric gynecologist.
–Class, W4th & Mercer
Girl watching another use eye drops: Do you need some help with that? I’m pre-med. I’m qualified.
–Butler Library bathroom, Columbia University
Overheard by: dr. getoffyourhighhorse
Girl patient: Oh my god. The cute doctor just took my urine sample. He walked over and asked me for it. God, it’s like, ‘I gave her my heart, she gave me… her urine sample.’ Should we give him my number?
–Beth Israel Medical Center
Chick on cell: Yeah, the doctor stuck his finger up my ass because I can’t shit… Yeah, it hurt. Any ideas I’ve entertained about anal sex are gone.
–12th Ave & Bay Ridge Pkwy, Brooklyn
Overheard by: What the…
Homeless guy: If you need a gyno doctor, my office is in the box around the corner.
–Lexington subway station
Lost-looking chick on cell: Why do they always fuck with the trains on weekends? Don't they know there are stoned people trying to get home?
–Subway Platform, Grand Central
Overheard by: Poogtastic
Loudspeaker dispatcher lady: Hey you! Uptown number 5! You better stop sticking your head out the window and answer me on the radio!
–Uptown 4,5,6 Train, Union Square
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.
Elegant gentleman, as train starts to depart station: Oh, I didn't realize the train was going to move.
–Crowded Uptown 1 Train
MTA announcement: The uptown 1 train is running.
Overheard by: Krisztina
Dispatcher: The arriving train will be the next train. The arriving train will be the next train.
–G Train, Court Square
Overheard by: Katrink
Old man: I'm coming, train. I'm coming. I'm coming, train, you son of a bitch bastard!
Round ghetto girl: Skateboardin': not cool.
Skater: Childhood obesity: not cool.
–125th St station
Overheard by: Solar
Hobo, walking quickly around a lady: You cannot fuck with a power walker!
–60th & 6th
Hobo on corner: Yo man, can I borrow like a hundred dollars plus tax?
–Outside Gray's Papaya
Panhandling teenager: I'm like Obama. I want change!
Overheard by: Canadian Girl
Hobo to self: I don't have anything against people with homes. Why, some of my very best friends have homes!
–E 35th & 6th Ave
Hobo to cops talking him away: Nah, man. I wasn't peeing on no stairs. What you don't understand is that I don't pee for anyone else, I pee for myself.
–145th Street Subway Station
Overheard by: Ben B.
Hipster: Everyone I know is either married, divorced, gay or crazy.
–37th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Matthias Sundberg
Karaoke panhandler singing Gnarls Barkley: "Does that make me craaaaazy? Maybe I'm craaaaaazy!" It's Memorial Day and I'm sitting here singing to people I never met before in my life. Mmmmmm…craaaazy!
–Times Square Subway Station
Black woman to janitor companion: I am so glad I live in the ghetto. These motherfuckers down here are crazy! (companion nods) And I live in the ghe-tto, 2 train ghetto.
–22nd St & 5th Ave
Hobo, watching man and woman having sex against a statue: I think I'm going to have to move to Europe or something. This place is getting too crazy.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Westsider
30-something guy on cell: Well, that's what my crazy sister said about my more crazy sister.
–Broadway & 114th St
Overheard by: mary e.
Little boy in abandoned shopping cart: I've gotta get off this crazy train!
–Target, Atlantic Ave
Babysitter: Ok guys, hold my hand.
Six-year-old boy: Holding hands is unnatural.
Babysitter: What? Where did you hear that?
Six-year-old boy: George Bush!
Man walking ahead: Wow, he really does get blamed for everything now.
–1 train, 225th St
Overheard by: bkh
Construction worker #1: Make it look nice for the homeless here!
Construction worker #2: Oh yeah! –Broadway/Lafayette station
Cop: Excuse me sir, did you drop this Metrocard?
Asian guy: Oh thank you so much, I’ve been looking for it all over the place!
Cop: You littered. Here’s your ticket. –Kew Gardens station Overheard by: Ting
Woman running down the stairs: Hold the doors! Oh, God, please hold the doors! Please! [Doors close, train pulls away.] Why? Whyyy?!
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Hobo to man running for the train: You better run faster! That’s the last train in the world!
–W 4th Street A/C/E platform
Overheard by: Curly Ku
Student: Yo mama is so dumb that when she needs to take the 4 train, she takes the 2 train twice!
–Brooklyn Tech High School
Overheard by: Gazoo
Tourist to friends: Ok, so, we’re headed downtown right now, and in a couple stops we’ll transfer to the express.
–A train express, between 34th & 42nd
Tourist woman: Why is it called an express train? All it does is skip stops.
–4 train at Fulton St
Chick to guy: Don’t tell me that bull! Don’t pull that on the A train!
–Manhattan-bound A train, Brooklyn
Overheard by: chudoc324