Archive for the ‘Subway stations, platforms, etc.’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners. (And by That We Mean Exactly What You Think We Mean.)

Hipster to friend having problems with ATM card: Maybe it's for normal people and you're just abnormally large.

–Village ATM

Overheard by: rafa

Overenthusiastic father of new skater: Oh, you know, it's her first time, so I wanted to make sure that I was there to help her through it so that it'd be extra-special for her.

–Wollman Rink, Central Park

Overweight woman: Where's Wang? Guys, where's Wang?

–Hard Rock Cafe

Tourist mom: It's not big enough to impress me.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Not The Empire State, Surely

Loud woman: It was a three-legged pussy!

–Union Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Rachel K

Modern literature professor, after ending class early: Well, that's it, I've blown my load.

–Columbia University

Wednesday One-liners Are in the Wrong Line of Work

Jamaican lady: You fucker! I sell drugs for the Police. They call them dealers because they make deals. I made a deal. Do you pay me? Am I your employee? Fuck you, brush your teeth! –F train Overheard by: z0mb13 Guy on cell: I’m off today. I ran over one of the kids with the bus. –72nd & 1st Overheard by: Todd Horan Trader: I’m almost wishing to come back in my next life as the Jewish wife of a Jewish husband. –Madison Avenue office Man on cell: She’s got a summer job editing Harlequin romance novels. Yeah, which goes so well with…you know…her divinity degree. –118th & Broadway Security guard: One of my feet has five fingers less than the other one, but I don’t claim disability. I work three jobs: model, actor and security guard, I’m not stopping until I make fifty-two million. –F train Overheard by: Nico Westerdale Store chick: I’m just sampling the food so I can explain to customers why it’s so expensive. –Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: jexe

Use a Wednesday, So You Don't Get One-Linered Up

Man helping woman carry stroller down stairs: If you had taken the bloody pill when you said you were taking it, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

–Broadway-Lafayette B/D/F/V Station

Overheard by: Jon A.

Man walking with girlfriend, loudly: Wait, did you bring your diaphragm?

–Times Square

Loud woman on cell: How many times do you have to have sex, and have a baby, before you realize: "If I have sex without a condom I will get someone pregnant."? Seriously!

–Broadway & 103rd St

Overheard by: Amy

Guy on phone: I always tell people that sex with you with a condom is better than sex with other girls without a condom.

–Outside Trader Joe's, 14th St

Zoo guide: This zoo likes to be careful with breeding animals by taking into account genes and the like. But then again, Zippy–the baby snow monkey–came along. So be careful with your birth control.

–Central Park Zoo, by the Snow Monkeys

Girl to another: I just don't see why we can't make our own condoms.

–14th St & 4th Ave

As in Religion, Everything You Do Will Be Wrong

Tourist: Where do we get the Uptown A?
Local: Right here. Down those stairs.
Tourist: But is it Uptown? The sign doesn’t say ‘Uptown’ or ‘Downtown.’
Local: You can get them both here.
Tourist: But we need Uptown. How will we know it’s there if there’s no sign?
Local: Blind faith, I guess.
Tourist: I think we should take a cab.

–Outside W 4th St subway

You Can’t Do Something Bad at Times Square Anymore

Teen boy #1: We’re getting back pretty late. What are you going to tell your mom?
Teen boy #2: I’ll say we were at dinner until 10:00, and–
Teen boy #1: No way! We went to dinner at 6:15! There’s no such thing as a four hour dinner!
Teen boy #2: Okay, I’ll say that we went to dinner at 7:15, and that we stayed until 8:45 because it was a buffet…then we went and hung out at Times Square–
Teen boy #1: You should tell her that I did something bad, otherwise she’ll be suspicious. –N train Girl #1: I heard on a show that Times Square was getting seedy again.
Girl #2: Times Square should be seedy. Tourists come here and they want to see hookers and pimps and drug dealers hanging around. Not the Prudential Financial display. –Times Square