Archive for the ‘Subway Stations’ Category

New York Women Know They're Beautiful

Techie in suit: I mean, there are two reasons. A: it's better.
Meathead friend: Uh-huh.
Techie: A: it's warmer.
Meathead: Uh-huh.
Techie: B: the women there are much more receptive to thinly veiled suggestion.
Meathead: Uh…
Techie: What I mean by that is that they have low self esteem. I do my best work with low self esteem.

–14th St & 8th Ave Subway Station

Overheard by: Rebecca

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't Just Poor, They're Po'

Preppy guy: They say beggars can't be choosers, which makes sense, because we're choosers.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Annie

Red Table change collector guy: Help feed the homeless of New York! All it takes is a penny and a heart, you fucking assholes.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Bemused

Girl to friend: I thought of you the other day; I saw a homeless man's penis.

–Lucky Jack's, Orchard St.

Overheard by: Argopelter

Horny dude (after being rejected by a girl at the bar): I asked her if she wanted a drink and she gave me the look that I give to homeless people on the subway.

–79th & Broadway

Guy to girl sitting at a sidewalk cafe: I know, what is with her? She dresses like a homeless person. And not Mary-Kate Olsen homeless but I-think-I-saw-her-passed-out-in-an-alleyway-with-a-heroin-needle-sticking-out-of-her-arm- homeless.

–10th St & 2nd Ave

Girl, to guy who has just spat on floor: Don't do that! Homeless people sleep there!

–6 Train Station

Wednesday One-Liners Are Retaining Sperm

20-something woman on cell: I thought I was pregnant because I was nauseous all the time, but then I realized I was just always hungover.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy to chick: What the fuck did she get pregnant for? She needed to lose some weight.

–Bowery

Hyper chick: He got me knocked up with this giant pretzel!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Pretzel Vendor

20-something girl to friend: Oh, so you're thinking because it's Memorial Day weekend you're gonna get preggers?

–Hoyt-Schermerhorn Subway Sation

Guy, about a couple who'd broken up: She came back to pick up her shit, and when you come back to pick up your shit, you know, shit happens, and she got pregnant.

–Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ashley

Lady suit on cell: Well, unless you want to get me pregnant, I'm not sure I see a way around this!

–Columbus Circle

Wednesday One-Liners Need to Leave Eden Eventually

Angry Spanish boyfriend: You know why I'm talking to you like this! Because your boss was sitting there and you probably had no damn clothes on!

–Broad Channel Subway Station

Girl to friend: Yeah, I can't wait until we take off our clothes and do our make up!

–116th & 3rd

(20-something couple is walking down the street with arms around each other)
Woman
: So were you self-conscious when you took off your clothes in front of the children?


–28th & 5th

White guy answering cell: Negrooooo… I'm on the Long Island Railroad being completely homosexual… You missed it, completely naked…

–LIRR

Overheard by: Xavier

Five-year-old girl, before performance begins: Are they going to take *all* their clothes off?

Hair, Delacorte Theater

Girl to friend: God! I remember when my brother ran into my room naked screaming that he had two buttholes.

–Subway, 14th & 1st

Overweight middle age white guy to friend: I know, I get it, you like to sit naked in the mud while some guy serenades you on his guitar singing about things I don't believe and can't understand. That's your thing. I prefer hockey.


–89th & 4th, Brooklyn