Archive for the ‘Subway Stations’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Thought Felicity Huffman Deserved that Oscar

Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?

–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave

Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.

–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel

TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Limey

Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’

–26th St

Overheard by: agrees with that girl

College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?

–114th & Broadway

Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.

–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners Need a Better Bedside Manner

Guy: I can’t wait ’til I am finished with med school and I can start working as pediatric gynecologist.

–Class, W4th & Mercer

Girl watching another use eye drops: Do you need some help with that? I’m pre-med. I’m qualified.

–Butler Library bathroom, Columbia University

Overheard by: dr. getoffyourhighhorse

Girl patient: Oh my god. The cute doctor just took my urine sample. He walked over and asked me for it. God, it’s like, ‘I gave her my heart, she gave me… her urine sample.’ Should we give him my number?

–Beth Israel Medical Center

Chick on cell: Yeah, the doctor stuck his finger up my ass because I can’t shit… Yeah, it hurt. Any ideas I’ve entertained about anal sex are gone.

–12th Ave & Bay Ridge Pkwy, Brooklyn

Overheard by: What the…

Homeless guy: If you need a gyno doctor, my office is in the box around the corner.

–Lexington subway station

Turns Out ‘The Military’ is a Gay Bar on the West Side

Bimbette #1: So yeah, he decided to quit working at Cold Stone’s and go into the military.
Bimbette #2: Oh, okay, what part?
Bimbette #1: The military.
Bimbette #2: Yeah, which part? The Army?
Bimbette #1: No, not the Army — the military.
Bimbette #2: No, I mean the Army? The Navy? Something? The military isn’t a separate part.
Bimbette #1: No, it was just a general thing. Not a separate part. Just the military.
Bimbette #2: [Pauses] Oooh, okay!

–Borough Hall Station, 4 & 5 platform

Overheard by: Trish

Passion of the Wednesday One-Liners

Man: ‘Cause I’m like, ‘Seven a.m. is too fuckin’ early for Jesus — too fuckin’ early.’

–Union Square station

Overheard by: DM Cook

Caribbean woman pacing back and forth on crowded subway: Excuse me, Ladies and Gentlemen, Jesus is coming! Jesus is on the number two train tonight! Repent! Repent! Jesus is coming and he’s on the number two train tonight. Repent for your sins! Jesus died for you — for men, women, lesbians, gays…

–Uptown 2 train from 72nd St

Overheard by: pimnana

Drunk student: So, she said that Jesus loves you and died for your sins and made the Statue of Liberty disappear, or something.

–Uptown 2 train from 66th St

Overheard by: Avatarded

Homeless man on subway speaker: I am the lord, Jesus Christ. He is everywhere, including on this train… Give Jesus money and food or else hell will come down. [As police approach] Fuck off the lord, nigga.

–1 train, 168th St

Girl to friend: You know what? You need Jesus. You need Jesus!

–John Jay College

Overheard by: Scott

Woman successfully holding many paper towel rolls in hands and an open umbrella between her chin and shoulder: I am Jesus now.

–109 & Broadway

Overheard by: trying to stay dry

But Don’t Tell Her I Said That

White girl: I don’t get that girl. I just don’t like her.
Black boyfriend: Why?
White girl: Because if I don’t like someone, I tell them. Straight at their face, I’m like, ‘I don’t like you.’ But she be talking behind people’s backs and shit. It’s not cool, yo.
Black boyfriend: Yeah.
White girl: And she thinks she’s ghetto, but she’s not. We ghetto — she’s not.

–Uptown C platform, 34th St

Wednesday-One-Liners Will Be Held in the Station Momentarily…Thank You for Your Patience

Conductor: There are seats towards the back of the train.
Keep walking! Sometime today, people. What did you stop for? Keeeep walking!

–Train to Grand Central

Overheard by: Muffin

: Where’s the other guy? Raj, if you can hear me, you can come pick up your My Little Pony from the booth.

–LIRR, Hempstead station

Subway station announcement
: Because of an earlier incident, all trains are now running.

–Union Square Station

Overheard by: E Moran

: This is 36th Street. Step to the side and let all the monkeys off the train. Let the monkeys off the train.

–Queens bound N train

: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is an extremely crowded F train. Next stop is Jay Street, and by this time it’s official, every person in New York is on this train. Please stand clear of the closing doors, if you can.

–Coney Island bound F train

Overheard by: F Train Sloper

: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is 59th Street. And if you haven’t voted and are thinking of voting for Bush, please see the movie Fahrenheit 9/11. Thank you. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–4 Train, 42nd St

Overheard by: Jonny

: You have yourself a satisfying Thursday.

–F train