Archive for the ‘Suicide’ Category

Nos Morituri Te Wednesday One-Liners

Boat PA: Ladies and gentlemen on the top deck of the boat, please do not stand on the benches. If you fall overboard, you will die in this frigid, freezing water. Thank you, and enjoy your visit to Ellis island. –Ellis Island Ferry Overheard by: land lubber Urban sophisticate: Steve Irwin’s death was random. That stingray did not know where his heart was! –Metropolitan Opera Overheard by: Opera Onlooker Male suit to woman suit: So, hopefully you’re not the angel of death… Are you? –53rd & Broadway Overheard by: S&B Teen guy to three teenage girls: I’m pretty sure I’m invincible and can’t die. –6th Ave Overheard by: Justin Woman on cell: My trip went really well, except for Marilyn’s* death and all. –52nd St & Madison Overheard by: kinicke 50-something professor: So, then the little girl goes back up into her room where she is reading bible verses while everyone else is in church. Then, she either dies all alone… Like Heath Ledger… Or she kills herself. We just don’t know. –Barnard College

Wednesday One-Liners Leave a Note

Clerk: … So she pulls the suicide card. On the second date! –30th St Overheard by: Schroeder Sociology professor: Just think of your life as a thousand chances a day to commit suicide. –NYU Pessimistic teen: Jelly beans make me want to kill myself. –Tasti D-Lite, Bleecker & MacDougall Overheard by: Louis Chick: I would never commit suicide! I would do something instead. You know, like cut sugar cane… –NYU Overheard by: Nosy

Wednesdanimal One-Liners

Man to friend: I don't know what made him think he could outrun an alligator! –Sheridan Square Overheard by: Lory Father to young son: Holy shit, Joey, look at the turtles! They're stackin' and rackin' 'em! –Central Park Zoo Mom to kid, pointing to seal exhibit: Look! Otters! –Central Park Zoo Overheard by: Rebecca Young man, joyfully throwing his arms in the air: Then all of the lemmings go off of the cliff! –The Village Overheard by: Aaron

The Same Dynamic That Makes People See Slasher Movies

Overexcited teenage girl, picking up a copy of Alice Sebold's Lucky: Oh my god. Do not read this book. It will make you want to kill yourself, and the author.
Bored teenage boy: Really? I'm not that… depressed or anything.
Overexcited teenage girl: Neither was I! –Columbia University Bookstore Overheard by: amused bookseller

Funny You Should Say That

Student conducting survey: Would you like to take a survey?
Girl: What's it about?
Student: Well, I can't tell you what it is about, but it only takes three minutes, and if you don't like it, you can stop at any time and still get a . . .
Girl, cutting him off: Okay, but it won't make me want to kill myself like every other survey I take? –Columbia University, Lerner Hall

Wednesday One-Liners Leave a Note

Columbia student on cell: Man, I need Spring Break so bad. I need it more than I needed to mess around with that suicidal chick last weekend. –W 114th St Overheard by: arthur digby sellars Middle-aged lady on cell: Well, does Mom know about this? … That’s not a suicide pact, Dad, it’s a murder-suicide. –Smith & Baltic, Brooklyn Old suburban lady: Well, maybe I should try killing myself for once! –Port Authority Overheard by: Ian Teen to friend, enthusiastically: Let’s hold hands and skip and tell him to go kill himself! –Henderson Ave, Staten Island Overheard by: Green Star Old guy: Guy is holding up traffic for five hours because he wants to jump off the George Washington Bridge. You wanna kill yourself, take a bottle of pills! –Chiropracter’s office Overheard by: sara n.