Bored Guest: When are we going to get out of here? Don’t tell me in two hours. I’d rather get out of here in three hours than in two hours. If I have to go over that bridge during rush hour, I’ll shoot myself and then jump. I’ll be falling with a gun to my head. –Style Court Plaintiff Room
Guy on cell: Yeah, our lives suck but at least John Kerry was elected President. Oh, wait! I have to hang up now and go kill myself. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Alice Ayers
Guy: Hey, Paul! What’s up?
Paul: Oh, I’m just going to hang myself. I mean, get some coffee. –57th & Lex Overheard by: Heather
Man to friend: I don't know what made him think he could outrun an alligator!
Overheard by: Lory
Father to young son: Holy shit, Joey, look at the turtles! They're stackin' and rackin' 'em!
–Central Park Zoo
Mom to kid, pointing to seal exhibit: Look! Otters!
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Rebecca
Young man, joyfully throwing his arms in the air: Then all of the lemmings go off of the cliff!
Overheard by: Aaron
Hobo sitting against building: Hey! You!
Girl walking by: Yeah?
Hobo: Want to go jump in the East River with me?
Girl, stopping and looking at him: Not a bad idea. Maybe later.
–7th St & Ave B
Physics teacher: Who wants to read problem five?
Girl in front of room: Who wants to drink cyanide for breakfast?
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Girl: I haven't told my new roommate that our upstairs neighbor sounds like the Count when she's having sex.
Man to two female companions: Don't you hate it when you go into your bathroom and find your roommate's pubes on the sink?
Overheard by: Sarah
Jersey mom: We're so lucky she got a good roommate, one that doesn't stay up late or listen to rock music.
Overheard by: Liz
Guy to friend: If you are 35 and living in New York with 3 roommates, you should just shoot yourself, right?
–Outside Whole Foods, Union Square
Confused NYU male: The only people I would consider hooking up with are like, my roommate and like, Carl, my cousin.
–University Place & E 9th
Girl #1: So, how's Christie? She hasn't been coming to class.
Girl #2: Not so good. She tried to commit suicide again.
Girl #1: Ugh! What did she do this time?!
Girl #2: She swallowed half a bottle of pills. She started throwing up and hallucinating, but fortunately her mom found her and took her to the hospital.
Girl #1: Sometimes I think she likes to exaggerate things for effect. I mean, if you were hallucinating, then how would you know that you were hallucinating? And how do you swallow that many pills anyway? I can barely take one.
Girl #2: Well, her mom said she…
Girl #1, interrupting: So what is she going to do now?
Girl #2: Her parents think it is best if she stays in a mental institution for a while.
Girl #2: Wow! I could never do that! Live in the crazy-house, I mean. If I was surrounded by that many crazy people then I might start to think I was crazy too!
Flight attendant: Sir, are you looking for the bathroom?
Passenger: Yes, which door is it?
Flight attendant: It's the door right there.
(passenger walks towards the exit door of the plane)
Flight attendant: No, sir, not that door. If you open that door, you will kill yourself.
–Flight over JFK
Overexcited teenage girl, picking up a copy of Alice Sebold's Lucky: Oh my god. Do not read this book. It will make you want to kill yourself, and the author.
Bored teenage boy: Really? I'm not that… depressed or anything.
Overexcited teenage girl: Neither was I!
–Columbia University Bookstore
Overheard by: amused bookseller