Archive for the ‘Suicide’ Category

You Don't Really Know Someone 'til You Wednesday One-Liner With Them

Girl: I haven't told my new roommate that our upstairs neighbor sounds like the Count when she's having sex. –L Train Man to two female companions: Don't you hate it when you go into your bathroom and find your roommate's pubes on the sink? –Pratt Institute Overheard by: Sarah Jersey mom: We're so lucky she got a good roommate, one that doesn't stay up late or listen to rock music. –Fordham University Overheard by: Liz Guy to friend: If you are 35 and living in New York with 3 roommates, you should just shoot yourself, right? –Outside Whole Foods, Union Square Confused NYU male: The only people I would consider hooking up with are like, my roommate and like, Carl, my cousin. –University Place & E 9th

And Does This Mean I Can't Cheat Off Of Her in Class Anymore?

Girl #1: So, how's Christie? She hasn't been coming to class.
Girl #2: Not so good. She tried to commit suicide again.
Girl #1: Ugh! What did she do this time?!
Girl #2: She swallowed half a bottle of pills. She started throwing up and hallucinating, but fortunately her mom found her and took her to the hospital.
Girl #1: Sometimes I think she likes to exaggerate things for effect. I mean, if you were hallucinating, then how would you know that you were hallucinating? And how do you swallow that many pills anyway? I can barely take one.
Girl #2: Well, her mom said she…
Girl #1, interrupting: So what is she going to do now?
Girl #2: Her parents think it is best if she stays in a mental institution for a while.
Girl #2: Wow! I could never do that! Live in the crazy-house, I mean. If I was surrounded by that many crazy people then I might start to think I was crazy too! –6 Train

Maybe, but Her Body Stayed in the River

Cashier #1: So I was like, “Damn! I ain't gonna be drowned like this!” So I fought fo' mah life! And that's why I ain't dead.
Cashier #2: Yeah, that's the desire to live! It's human instinct, yo!
Cashier #1: Unless you kill yoself or somethin'.
Cashier #2: Yeah, but that's only if you just off a building or hang yourself or some shit, no one gonna drown themself!
Columbia chick: Well actually, Virginia Woolf drowned herself.
Cashier #1: What, she fall into the bathtub?
Columbia chick: Um, well no, she put rocks in her pocket and walked into a river.
Cashier #2: I bet she walked right out again! Shit… –Health Store, 114th St & Broadway Overheard by: Vicksburg