Archive for the ‘Suicide’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Molding Young Minds

English teacher: Class, I’d like you to remember where the line is. It is always moving, and it is determined by me.

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: HJWC

English teacher: I rose up into the air and flew out the window… You didn’t notice this?

–Hunter College High

Overheard by: stupid english student

Old teacher: Okay, there are three rules in this classroom, and I am completely serious. Number one, no swearing. Number two, no scuffles. Number three, no sex until 3:20 when you can do what you want.

–Grace Church School

Teacher: I’m a huge fan of bathroom stall graffiti! My favorite from this school is in the third floor bathroom: ‘If you can read this, you are pooping.’

–Bard High School Early College

Teacher to another: You are a hemorrhoid in my ass.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Health teacher: Drug abuse is a symptom of suicide.

–Hunter College High

English teacher: The next scene is about sex, so pay attention. You might learn something.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

How Seacrest Saved Britney

Girl: Ugh! Can I hang myself with your tie, please?
Guy: No! I love this tie!

–110th & Manhattan

Overheard by: Chrissy

Headline by: axc

Runners-Up:
· “But Here’s a Shoelace. And a Gun. And Some Pills…” – Laura
· “But I’m So Over This Kitchen Knife…” – Rod W
· “It’s Hard Getting That “Desparate Chick” Smell Out Of Your Laundry” – Dagre
· “It’s Not Like I’m Taking It with Me…” – mo
· “Lives Come and Go, But Argyle Is Forever” – Patrick
· “Use This Noose I Hate.” – pbump


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Leave a Note

Columbia student on cell: Man, I need Spring Break so bad. I need it more than I needed to mess around with that suicidal chick last weekend.

–W 114th St

Overheard by: arthur digby sellars

Middle-aged lady on cell: Well, does Mom know about this? … That’s not a suicide pact, Dad, it’s a murder-suicide.

–Smith & Baltic, Brooklyn

Old suburban lady: Well, maybe I should try killing myself for once!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Ian

Teen to friend, enthusiastically: Let’s hold hands and skip and tell him to go kill himself!

–Henderson Ave, Staten Island

Overheard by: Green Star

Old guy: Guy is holding up traffic for five hours because he wants to jump off the George Washington Bridge. You wanna kill yourself, take a bottle of pills!

–Chiropracter’s office

Overheard by: sara n.

Too Soon?

NYU girl #1: I have so much work due in this next week that it’s not even funny. I kind of want to kill myself.
NYU girl #2, glancing around: Don’t say things like that. People actually take you seriously around here.

–Starbucks, Washington Sq Park

Overheard by: prospective nyu student … or not

Wednesday One-Liners Leave a Note

Clerk: … So she pulls the suicide card. On the second date!

–30th St

Overheard by: Schroeder

Sociology professor: Just think of your life as a thousand chances a day to commit suicide.

–NYU

Pessimistic teen: Jelly beans make me want to kill myself.

–Tasti D-Lite, Bleecker & MacDougall

Overheard by: Louis

Chick: I would never commit suicide! I would do something instead. You know, like cut sugar cane…

–NYU

Overheard by: Nosy