Archive for the ‘Suits’ Category

I Thought It Would Be Harder to Teach Y’all Manners

Southern tourist: Is this Roosevelt Island?
NY woman: No, this is Roosevelt Avenue, in Queens.
Southern tourist: What? So it is Roosevelt Island?
NY woman: No, I said it is not Roosevelt Island. This is the Roosevelt Avenue stop. You are in Queens.
Southern tourist: I don’t understand, am I on Roosevelt Island?
Suit: Ma’am, you are in Queens right now, specifically, Roosevelt Avenue. Roosevelt Avenue is not the same as Roosevelt Island. If you want to be at Roosevelt Island, you have to take the train going in the other direction about three stops. Either way, get off the damn train and quit delaying the rest of us.
Southern tourist: Why won’t anybody answer my question?
NY woman: You know what? This is Roosevelt Island, we’re all wrong. Get off.
Southern tourist: Was that so hard?

–Roosevelt Avenue stop, F train

Overheard by: SandmanEsq

Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea…

–Columbus & 62nd St

Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking.

–Columbia University

Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke!

–Spring & Hudson

Overheard by: Oscar Gamble

Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity.

–125th St Fairway

Overheard by: Just Shoppint

Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes

Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you.

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung

Damn, Son, I Was Born Goin’ Down

Suit #1: I mean, it was crazy — first this lady has a kid in the elevator, and then about a week later, another lady’s water breaks in the same elevator.
Suit #2: I would have hated to be the guy to mop that up.
Suit #1: That elevator shaft is like a friggin’ fallopian tube!

–2 train

Overheard by: Paul


Headline by: dank


Runners-Up:
· “And Park Slope Is Like a Cum-Soaked Uterus” – t.a.m.s.y.
· “At least it’s not menstruating like that elevator in The Shining” – Chris
· “In Similar News, The Lobby Stairwell is Closed for Yeast Infection Maintenance” – Maeve K
· “P.C. Pimps Don’t Push ‘Em Down The Stairs Anymore” – elrobinder
· “Push! Push! No, push the BUTTON!” – Julia
· “The Fertile Ascent” – Benzero
· “The Pussyseidon Adventure- 2006″ – smscpw
· “The elevator is still better than having to make small talk with the guy who performs abortions in the stairwell” – Raden Mutter
· “Where do you stand on partial-floor evacuations?” – Kevin Perry




Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Brother, Can You Spare a Wednesday One-Liner?

Girl on cell, pacing outside of restaurant: What happened to you? It was so good to run into you, but you look like a homeless person!

–St. Mark's Place b/w Ave A & 1st Ave

Guy to young girl: I think the homeless guy on my block has real self-esteem issues.

–Astor Place

Manager to hobo: Jesus Christ, don't let me catch you here again! The Radisson is right around the corner!

–McDonald's

Power walking suit on phone: I know, I've never actually seen a female hobo before.

–Grand Central

Suit on cell: So like, she was homeless, right? But she look gooood!

–6th & 19th

Overheard by: Sanam Skelly

Woman at red table with water jug: Help the homeless! C'mon! They don't like dat shit!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Cracka Jack