Archive for the ‘Suits’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Working on a Perfume Line

Flustered suit pacing along street: Just letting you know I got a FedEx from Bruce Willis, I guess he finally decided to pay his bills. –84th St Overheard by: mikaela Man to dinner companion: So did you know Mia Farrow is doing a hunger strike? Because of what's happening in Darfur? I hope she dies. –Red Bamboo, West Village Transvestite: Damn, that girl looks like Brooke Shields. Damn, that white girl in the blue shoes looks like Brooke Shields. –4 Train Man giving out Metro newspaper: Metro! Metro! Whoooeee, baby, you looking like Jennifer Lopez! Metro! –7 Train Suit on cell: If he does it again I am going to get all Chuck Woolery on his ass! –Gold St

Wednesday One-Liners Suit Up

Suit on cell: I expected pus, but it’s got little black specks in it. –Pelham Bay Park, the Bronx Overheard by: HelenA.Handbasket Suit: When I said “fairy tale” I meant like Mother Goose–not Miss Dirty Martini! –F train Overheard by: braincurve Suit #1 to suit #2: Oh sure, I’ve got a source. I can get you a kidney, no problem. –Madison Square Park Female suit on cell: I don’t think you’re hearing what I’m saying. I think you’re in a very nagging place right now. –Duane & Broadway Overheard by: Rich Mintz Middle-Aged suit: Boobies boobies boobies. Boobies boobies boobies… –41st & 8th Suit on cell: So there’s gonna be total chaos on September 14th, but that’s all we have planned so far. –Church St Overheard by: Dara Suit: My goal in life is to one day sue someone. –A train Overheard by: LSB

Mello Asian

White suit to another, seeing Asian guy: I’m sure he’ll help us. He’s yellow… Uh, I mean, Asian… –Q train, 14th & Union Square

Wednesday One-Liners Fail the Purity Test

Girl: I’m done with threesomes. Someone always gets hurt. It’s four-gies only from now on. –Duane Reade, 32nd & Broadway Overheard by: Jaina Wald Man on cell: You got the what? The what? So you got the queen-sized bed!! You whore! You whore! –Wall & Water Overheard by: Aubrie Man: Hey, anyone want to go to an orgy? –Central Park Loud teen boy: Dad, do we need condoms? –Pharmacy, 82nd & Columbus Girl on cell: Well it’s not even like anyone there had any real porn background! –Union Square Overheard by: Natalie Guy on stoop: Dude! I did not give that girl VD. –22nd & Broadway Loud female suit: Well, at least he wasn’t sleeping with an intern! –45th & Lex Preppy girl on cell: Hey, girly, I got myself two tickets for us to go to the Dominican Republic for next week, and you know what that means: 7 days of Dominican cock. Yum! –34th St Overheard by: naidababy

Wednesday Undie-Liners

College girl on cell: So as of last weekend I've pledged to be celibate for a year…although on second thought, it should really start today. I got pretty trashed last night and this morning I couldn't find the underwear I was wearing yesterday. –Church St Overheard by: Emma 20-something woman: Did you enjoy the bra fitting? Old lady grab your bits? –Outside Town Shop Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy Elderly woman examining bras: What's with all this padding? I got my own damn titties! –H&M, 5th Ave Overheard by: titti-less Eight-year-old in a suit jacket on cell, strutting around the store: Did you see any hot, sexy girls? Yeah, but were they hot and sexy? Where are you, man? Are you still in the underwear aisle? Yeah, but are you still by the panties? (louder) The panties! –Barnes & Noble, Tribeca Overheard by: emdeebee Trashy girl walking funny: Well, I guess I should have worn underwear. –Arthur Ave