Archive for the ‘Surgery’ Category

Boys Don't Wednesday One-Liner

Mom to small children: Well, we all have parts. And these parts talk to our bodies and tell us we are a boy or a girl. And sometimes these parts get confused. –Washington Square East 20-something girl to male friend: You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl! –N Train Overheard by: TR Mother to gender-transitioning son, questioning plans for surgery: Are you a boy trapped in a girl's body? I'm getting a face lift, and it's because I'm a young person trapped in an old person's body. –39th & 9th Man in yellow and green track suit and aviator sunglasses: Nah, I can't go. That's when I'm having my breast reduction. –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Ems Teenage boy: I don't wanna be on that block, son! I know too many trannies on that block! –Bedford & Grove Overheard by: How many is too many? Guy on cell, leaving message: Hello, Dave. This is your mother. –Tisch School of the Arts Overheard by: Bruce Lee Teen boy: Fear me, I have vaginitis! –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: Jingles

Other Parts Of My Body Would Love a Hug, Though.

Hippie girl: Free hugs! We're giving out free hugs today! (to preppy guy on park bench) Hey! Would you like a free hug today?
Guy: No, thank you.
Hippie girl: Why not?
Guy: Actually, I just had a minor surgical procedure on my abdomen. I shouldn't hug anyone until it heals.
Hippie girl: Well, that sucks. A hug might make you feel better, though!
Guy: I'm pretty sure that a hug would open up the incision on my abdomen from the surgical procedure. I'm told this would increase my odds of infection. Thanks anyway, though. –Union Square Overheard by: Double-M

…Despite My Best Efforts

50-something woman: Do you have pastrami?
Deli worker: Yes.
50-something woman: Is it good?
Deli worker: Yes.
50-something woman: Okay, then. I'd like a pastrami on rye. Lots of pastrami.
Deli worker: Will that be to stay or to go?
50-something woman: Oh, it's to go home to my husband. Tomorrow is the fifth anniversary of his triple bypass surgery. –Deli Store Overheard by: ydnew naej

Vanity, Thy Name Is Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: And I was like, "He bleaches his asshole, what does he know about anatomy?" –Pratt Institute, Brooklyn Seven-year-old girl to boy throwing mud at her: Watch it, Jakob! I wore eyeliner today! –Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn Very large woman on cell: It's called "Brazilian wax job." You only have to do it like every two weeks. Yep, it itches for a day or two, but it's worth every penny. –PATH Overheard by: Corey Young lady with long curly hair to girlfriend: So, I started drying my hair with paper towels recently. –Montague St, Brooklyn Overheard by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE! Outraged feminine gay guy to another: He's having his lips redone… again! –8th Ave & 20th St, Chelsea Overheard by: Evan Woman on cell: Girl, I don't understand why you gotta put on all that makeup just to go for a colonic! –Washington Heights

Wednesday Accidentally Leaves a Sponge in the One-Liner

Woman: I told him I wasn't opposed to dinner just because he's had a vasectomy. –Columbia University Overheard by: Meister Preppy guy: They took cartilage out of his ear and put it in my nose. –Penn Station Overheard by: Ladle UES woman: I'm going to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens. –89th and Park Overheard by: AeC and jRw Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it removed
Woman: It hurt like hell. –Elevator in the Hudson Hotel Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay – it's just routine anal surgery! –Astor Place Overheard by: Tam


Woman #1: Hey Maria, how's your mother doing?
Woman #2: He's all right. He's recovering from his operation.
Woman #1: She had to have an operation? I thought she just sprained her ankle!
Woman #2: Oh, that? That was nothing. I'm talking about the operation he had last week.
Woman #1: He?
Woman #2: Yes. –Coney Island Overheard by: Sunny

Dad Did All the Crying

Nine-year-old girl #1: My mom says that she was in so much pain giving birth to me that they had to give her surgery. My head was too big.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Your head is not big!
Nine-year-old girl #1: Yeah, but when I was a baby it was huge.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Weird. Did you have some sort of disease?
Nine-year-old girl #1: No, but when I came out I wasn't crying, I was twirling my hair. –Mannes College of Music