Girl #1: When I got the shit beat out of me last year it broke my septum and I had to get surgery on my nose.
Girl #2: You did not get the shit beat out of you! A homeless woman punched you in the face!
–NYU
Archive for the ‘Surgery’ Category
Other Parts Of My Body Would Love a Hug, Though.
Hippie girl: Free hugs! We're giving out free hugs today! (to preppy guy on park bench) Hey! Would you like a free hug today?
Guy: No, thank you.
Hippie girl: Why not?
Guy: Actually, I just had a minor surgical procedure on my abdomen. I shouldn't hug anyone until it heals.
Hippie girl: Well, that sucks. A hug might make you feel better, though!
Guy: I'm pretty sure that a hug would open up the incision on my abdomen from the surgical procedure. I'm told this would increase my odds of infection. Thanks anyway, though.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Double-M
Which Makes Her, Like, a Virgin
NYU girl #1: Kate's done coke?
NYU girl #2: Yeah.
NYU girl #1: Really?
NYU girl #2: Yeah, but she hasn't done any with her new nose.
NYU girl #1: Oh.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Elena
I Guess It's More Like Doing the Macarena
Goth female store employee #1: It's not like I'm amputating a leg.
Goth female store employee #2: Not technically.
–Manhattan Store
…Despite My Best Efforts
50-something woman: Do you have pastrami?
Deli worker: Yes.
50-something woman: Is it good?
Deli worker: Yes.
50-something woman: Okay, then. I'd like a pastrami on rye. Lots of pastrami.
Deli worker: Will that be to stay or to go?
50-something woman: Oh, it's to go home to my husband. Tomorrow is the fifth anniversary of his triple bypass surgery.
–Deli Store
Overheard by: ydnew naej
And You’re Here, So That’s Good, Right?
Bar guy #1: Hey, how’s it going? How’s your brother?
Bar guy #2: He had brain surgery today.
–W 158th & Broadway
Overheard by: puppy
Are You Pre-op or Post-op, Wednesday One-Liners?
Pragmatic bouncer: Well, there weren’t enough women there, so we threw in a tranny…
–Broadway Caribou Coffee
Overheard by: jenny Lui
Man, to friend: So, he says to me "Oh, I have a sex-change operation scheduled for that day, so I can’t make it."
–46th, b/w 8th & 9th
Overheard by: christine
30-something woman with nose ring, on cell: She’s like a transvestite… And an ugly bird. She’s like a transvestite and an emu. [pause] It’s a really ugly bird.
–7th Ave
Overheard by: James from Jersey
Guy: So then I was like, suck my twat!
–21st & 6th
20-something girl: I had him as both a man and a woman.
–17th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Tater
Dude: It’s been ages since I had testicles!
–Grand Sichuan, St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Rose Fox
What Do They Do With the Other One?
Chick: Yeh, they take one of your boobs and turn it into your penis.
Gay guy: That’s sooo weird.
–61st & Broadway
Overheard by: Wish I heard more of this one
Instead of Going to a Third-World Country for That Stuff, Like I Do
Queer #1: Dude, I’m so broke! I never have any money!
Queer #2: That’s because you buy coke and get your face lasered!
–Vlada
Overheard by: K to tha B
You Should at Least Stop Tearing Guys’ Cocks Off
Teen dude: So you wouldn’t?
Teen girl: Hell no! I’d break up with any dude who’d had his cock torn off and reconstructed using part of his thigh! That shit ain’t natural.
Teen dude: That’s so shallow.
–Union Square