Archive for the ‘Tattoos’ Category

Tramp-Stamped Wednesday One-Liners

Tattoo flyer guy: Tattoos… They hurt like hell!

–St. Mark’s Pl

Thug: I spread her ass out and she had a ‘W’ tattooed on the inside of one cheek and a ‘W’ tattooed on the inside of the other!


Dude: Well, I’ve got a tattoo of Calvin peeing on my butthole.

–Bedford & N 7th

Overheard by: Dylan

Man on cell: Mother! You got a tattoo? You hoodlum!

–Dean & DeLuca

TA: Anyone who needs his last name tattooed on his side has to be a real fucktard.

–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

A Thug’s Tail

Thugette #1: I’m gonna be gettin’ me a mermaid tattoo.
Thugette #2: Mermaids? Hey, mermaids ain’t no gangsta.
Thug: Yo, don’t you be dissin’ those mermaids. I’m down with the Little Mermaid.

–Times Square

A Man Only Has to Be Slightly Better Than His Friends

Suit #1: She had a fat ass with a big skank mark.
Suit #2: A what?
Suit #1: One of those skanky over-the-ass tattoos.
Woman next to them, irritated: That’s called a goddess tattoo.
Suit #1: Goddess of what? Ass fucking?
Suit #2: A Greek goddess! [He and Suit #1 laugh.]
Suit #3, to woman: Sorry about these guys. Can I buy you a drink?

–Iguana Bar

But He Was Too Busy Watching The Notebook to Listen to Me

Young hipster: Remember that guy you used to work with — Carl?
Young suit: Yeah, I always hated that guy.
Young hipster: I saw him the other night, and he was telling me he was going to get ‘Hopeless romantic’ tattooed on his knuckles. I was like, ‘Dude, you cheated on your girlfriend and you have a pending rape case — maybe you shouldn’t get that tattoo.’

–N train

The Weird Science of Wednesday One-Liners

Dude: It weirds me out when deaf people can talk.

–Bryant Park

Chick: There’s a house, and he grew up in that house, and now he lives in that house. How weird. How local.

–N train, Queens

Overheard by: Morgan

Guy: I want a giant tattoo of Weird Al and Thomas Dolby shaking hands.

–Bar, Lower East Side

Hipster on cell: Is wanting a bed-and-breakfast, a weed garden, and a forest full of Thai tranny fawns so fucking weird?

–Houston and Elizabeth

Girl: So we were at her house the other day smoking pot, and I was like, ‘This pot tastes weird.’ And I asked John if it tasted weird and he said, ‘Yeah, it does.’ So I asked her if she had been using her crack pipe to smoke pot out of again and she said, ‘Oops.’

–20th St & 8th Ave

Bright-purple-mohawk guy to shaved-head girl with multiple nose piercings: Your best friend is so weird!

–12th St & University Pl

Overheard by: Joe

Suit on cell: Yeah, it’s kind of weird dating my sister.

–33rd & 7th