Archive for the ‘Teachers/Professors’ Category

Wednesday Doesn't Eat Enough to Keep a One-Liner Alive

Skinny professor: John* [a chubby professor] and I started Weight Watchers together at the same time! –Hostos Faculty Dining Room Overheard by: glad she's leaving Skinny girl to clerk: Hi, do you have a soy-based, non-dairy substitute for heavy cream? –Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: office peon loves Thanksgiving food Girl ordering Coffee Coolatta with skim milk: I hope this tastes as good as it did when I was anorexic. Everything tasted good back then… –Dunkin Donuts, Bay Ridge Overheard by: allison Jewish grandmotherly type: Women with anorexia seem to have such strange eating habits. –Upper West Side Anorexic-looking girl: I want a tic tac. I'm hungry. –95th & 2nd

Wednesday One-Liners Blame Their Mothers

CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies. –Hallway, CCNY Overheard by: ladyliver Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on. –1250 Broadway Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed… –Smoke Shop, Park Slope Overheard by: Kiri Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy. –Good Stuff Diner, 14th St Overheard by: Kosi Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn. –Port Authority Overheard by: Sarah History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental. –Bronx High School of Science Overheard by: Lillian

Scarlett Johansson's Wearing Wednesday One-Liners This Season

(Asian tourist walks onto subway with large panda-head shaped hat)
Random guy: Take off that silly ass hat! –Uptown 1 Train Guy: When I wear my other coat, I look like a yak. –Mott St Overheard by: robin Thug to friend: I totally know fashion designers. I know who Hill-finger is. –Thompson Street, SoHo Drunk guy to orthodox Jew: Nice lid. –Near Herald Square Guy walking out of subway: Then she came in and told me to put the mask on. –6 Train Overheard by: Sarah History teacher to class: Now, if you want a decent straw hat, do not make one. –Millennium High School Overheard by: Adriana

Just a Little Bit Of Wednesday One-Liner Repeating

Mother to child in front of diorama of pilgrims and Native Americans: Well, that's because the Indians never met real people before. –Museum of Natural History Overheard by: Peter R. Young girl, arriving through train tunnel at Grand Central Station: I wonder if Harriet Tubman is down here. –Grand Central Station Airhead: I think like… Colonialization is like… The umbrella theme of, like… Diplomacy. –Pommes Frites History teacher, about Andrew Jackson: He tight, he kill mad people, he buggin'. –High School Teacher, discussing Thomas Jefferson's mistress: You see, guys? History is exciting! It's full of sex! –High School, Lower Manhattan Overheard by: SzN31

If Our Society Has Learned Nothing Else from “Total Request Live”, It's That.

Teacher: What's going on, guys? Why are your test scores so low?
Emotional girl: Well, there's just so much homework and you want to do it all, but you also want to really understand the material and there's just so much of it, and it's just so hard and … (squeals loudly)
Girl next to her: Nothing to express teenage angst like a good squeal. –Bard High School, Queens Overheard by: Sunny