Archive for the ‘Teachers/Professors’ Category

Don't Hate the Wednesday One-Liner, Hate the Game

(a pigeon flies up to a rambling bike messenger)
Bike messenger
: Hey, bird. Whadda ya say? How you doing? You play baseball? What position? First base? Third? Catcher?


–47th & Madison

Ditzy teen on cell: Why can't they, like, have two footballs instead so both teams could score?

–Doctor's Office, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Professor: Did I tell you guys I'm getting into professional wrestling?

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Didn't want the details

Guy to another, screaming at the top of his lungs: It's fucking field hockey! It's a girl's sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Scott Jurkowski

Train conductor, announcing stop: Willets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *other* team.

–Willets Point, Queens

Overheard by: Random Asian Chick

Wednesday One-Liners Go Back to School

Art teacher: Now you are true students of FIT! Nobody listens to directions! –FIT Suit on cell: I don’t know if going through water is resistance or friction, do you? God! I am so tired of doing the kid’s homework! –46th between 7th & 8th Female student: I think I’m gonna learn a lot. They were saying things that went, like, right over my head. –Fordham Overheard by: Jess McGins NYU girl on cell: No, I’m not going to waste the credits. I’m just going to fail the class on purpose. –Bleecker & Mercer Overheard by: Kristin Drunk chick: I’m majoring in the doggy-style orgasm. –Slainte, 1st & Bowery Overheard by: Genevieve Professor to class: Most of you are familiar with the breasts of members of the opposite sex who are close to your own age. –Columbia University Medical Center Professor: I have no idea what you’re saying, but I know you’re wrong. –Vanderbilt Hall, NYU Overheard by: The King Adrock

A Better Question: Why Did Everyone Still Show Up?

Puzzled student: Professor, according to the syllabus we have a paper due in a week… What's it on?
Equally puzzled philosophy professor: You have a paper due in a week? I was afraid of that!
Puzzled student: Also, according to the syllabus, we don't even have class today. There's…nothing written there.
Equally puzzled philosophy professor: Really? Huh. Well, I must have been drunk when I did that.

–Fordham University

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not Hot for Teacher

Teacher: Some of the answer choices people picked were really out there. I probably could've put peanut butter and jelly, and people would think, "Oh, damn, I'm hungry, I should pick that."

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Student

Teacher: Guys, no matter what happens, if you're absent on a test day you must bring in a note! I don't care if you're walking to school and suddenly the ground opens up and you're sucked into candyland–I need a note!

–LaGuardia High School

Overheard by: a note of chocolate?

Acoustics teacher: This only emphasizes how little I know about acoustics. Or rather, how little is known about acoustics.

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: a student is only as good as his t eacher

Teacher to little boy: You ain't gonna die just cause your leg got sprinkled on!

–L Train

Overheard by: Misshellee

Principal: I can see what you're doing…with this bouncing and the little hand on your hip…you're trying to undermine my authority with your bad posture, I can see exactly what you think of my administration.

–Bard High School Early College

Every Little Wednesday One-Liner Helps

Professor: Gods, these students. It’s like they just don’t get it, you tell them things and two minutes later they ask you the same thing. How did they get here? What are they going to major in? In "homelessness"?

–English Department, Hostos Community College

Well-dressed 20-something girl: Homeless people tell me to cheer up all the time!

–1 train

Rich woman #1, fixing rich woman #2’s scarf: [laughs] Oh my god, you look homeless!

–1 Train

Overheard by: sagehen

Well-dressed woman on cell: It’s just another Wednesday and I’m a bag lady.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Mother to her flock of children entering the train and then getting off: Run guys run, theres a homeless guy on that train! Run!

–F Train

Overheard by: yana