Professor: And why did Moses lead the Jews out of Egypt?
Student: Because he was stoned.
–NYU
Archive for the ‘Teachers/Professors’ Category
A Feminist Critique Of Wednesday One-Liners
Chick: Was she a gymnast, or a feminist?
–Café, 113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Anthropology professor: Everyone's a misogynist. Women attend seminars, "seminar" comes from the word "semen," which comes from the Latin for "a unit of knowledge." And this, my friends, is how women get smart.
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: thats how I got into NYU
Rambling man: Nobody's gonna be in charge anymore! (pause) Except the ladies.
–Rivington & Forsyth
Wednesday Gettin'-None Liners
Man screaming into phone: We've been having fun and fun and fun. The thing we ain't having is fucking sex!
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: LisaLisa
Psych prof: Now, I don't know anyone who's ever died from not having sex. Maybe they tried to get some and failed in some horrible way that led to their demise, but I don't know anyone who's actually died from not having sex. (later) If you go on a starvation diet, which I don't recommend, be sure to drink water because, uh, you will die.
–Barnard College
Overheard by: High Aspirations
Guy to friend: He's fucking 57 years old and he's still a fucking virgin.
–W Broadway & Thomas
Gay man to straight female friend: I haven't had sex in almost two years… I need to get a dog.
–G Train
Overheard by: Sunny
Smug, Superior Wednesday One-Liners
NYU girl: I love authentic ethnic food, but not authentic ethnic service. Could you please Americanize your demeanor when you hand me a plate? I like service with a smile.
–Washington Square Park
Emo girl to friend, laughing hysterically, with a huge smile on his face: Stop! You've used up two of my three allotted daily smiles.
–R Train
College boy: We should put them on our penises. So it looks like a smiley face every time we pee.
–Williamsburg
Math teacher, seeing smiley face on board: Is that a penis?
–Hunter College High School
He Was Like, “This Is My Body, Breaded and Fried for You”
AP English teacher: Let's look at how this book can be read as a Christian allegory. The main character, Santiago, was a fisherman. (draws Jesus fish symbol on board) Okay, you all know what this is. So it means that Jesus, like Santiago, was a…?
Confused student: A fish?
–Riverdale
Britney Always Gets “A's” in Sulk and Sarcasm
Physics teacher: Who wants to read problem five?
Girl in front of room: Who wants to drink cyanide for breakfast?
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
…Now How About Some Ice Cream and a Foot Rub?
Little boy: My stomach hurts!
Teacher: How does it hurt? What does it feel like?
Little boy: It's… Almost like how it feels being pregnant.
–Public School, The Bronx
If Our Society Has Learned Nothing Else from “Total Request Live”, It's That.
Teacher: What's going on, guys? Why are your test scores so low?
Emotional girl: Well, there's just so much homework and you want to do it all, but you also want to really understand the material and there's just so much of it, and it's just so hard and … (squeals loudly)
Girl next to her: Nothing to express teenage angst like a good squeal.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
…As Seen in Urls Gone Wild.
Middle school boy: Hey, do you like the URLs I got for my project?
Teacher: Yeah, your URLs are sexy!
–Packer Collegiate Institute
Everyone Will Remember This in the End.
Astronomy professor: And on the test you'll all circle the answer that says…
Class, in unison: Mercury and Uranus!
Astronomy professor: Right. Mercury and my anus. So…
–Wagner College
Overheard by: At least class is never boring…