Archive for the ‘Teens’ Category

Wednesday Will One-Liner Anything That Moves

50-something actress: I'm one of the founding sluts.

–Chelsea Studios

Overheard by: Joshy Sweetpants

Guy on cell: That's what I said: I fucked him, but I'm not attracted to him.

–81st & Columbus

Overheard by: Flooey

Adorable seven-year-old kid on bike: She liked it. Ashley liked it. Ashley's a whore.

–Havemeyer & 2nd, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Nathalie & Noah

Girl on cell: Well, I'm in a different place now. Now I'm a slut.

–W 4th & 6th Ave

Teenage girl on cell, beaming, as if she just had a revelation: Oh, I forgot you're a whore! (yelling triumphantly) You're a whore!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Emilia

The Eternal Question

Teen boy: No, really, she scares me.
Teen girl: Is that why you tell people you are gay?
Teen boy: What? No!
Teen girl: Are you gay?
Teen boy: I just don’t want to have a girlfriend.
Teen girl: What if she only wanted to have sex?
Teen boy: I am a good person. I have morals.
Teen girl: What if she had bigger boobs? –R train

There's No Wednesday One-Liners Like Show Wednesday One-Liners

Festering pedestrian: Well, he didn't mention my name at the Tonys, and for that I'll never forgive him.

–43rd St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Ryan

Producer of an unsuccessful off-Broadway play: That's what this show makes me do. Everyday I get here and just squeeze my neck just like this, I just squeeze it. I don't do this anywhere else.


–Chelsea Theater


Overheard by: Kyle

Audience member to friend: Of course it sucks. It's Shakespeare.

Macbeth Performance, Battery Park

Hipster guy: I think this play is by the same guy who wrote Ten Things I Hate about You

–NYCL Production of Shakespeare's Cymbeline, Central Park

Overheard by: digamma

Hipster girl: Last time I was in the third row, but I think I like these better. At least I won't get my head humped tonight.

Hair Performance, Delacorte Theatre

Teenybopper at intermission: Joe Jonas would make such an incredible bodega guy!

–Richard Rodgers Theatre

The Gossip Girl Scene That Never Made It to Air

Teen boy #1: I don't like any of her family except her mom. She's okay.
Teen boy #2: Her mom is crazy, yo. I want to rape her with this umbrella. I bet you if I fucked her, she wouldn't even remember, she's so crazy. Wouldn't it be cool if there were a hot chick, like 21, with Alzheimer's and you fucked the shit out of her and then the next day she couldn't remember?

–Q44 Bus

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

Like I said, ‘Look! It’s Daryl Hannah!’

Teenage tourist, pointing: Mom, look! It’s Daryl Hannah!
Mom: Honey, that’s not Daryl Hannah. That’s one of those transgender people. –Downtown 6 train, 77th St Overheard by: Anne
Headline by: pontiac
Runners-Up:
·
“As I Always Say, ‘If You Can’t Tell, It Doesn’t Matter.'” – Dave
· “Must Be Nicolette Sheridan’s Day Off.” – target="_blank">seamus
· “Not to Mention She’s still Tied to a Walnut Tree in LA” – Liz!
· “Perhaps the Blade Runner Left an Angry Inch” – megs
· “So That’s Where She Went.” – Eamon Stimson
· “Technically, They’re Both Right” – Wes Mantooth
· “Tom Hanks Thought It Was a Fish Tail.” -peter
· “Who Says ‘Ambiguous’ Isn’t a Classic Look?” –
Dame Droiture

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Rinse, Repeat

Teen girl #1: Wait, so you just let him do you in the butt? You let him sodomize you?
Teen girl #2: It wasn’t bad. I couldn’t shit for a few days, though. So I took some laxatives, then I shit myself in the mall yesterday.

–Liberty Island

Overheard by: binja