Archive for the ‘Teens’ Category

But I Got Them Before They Were Cool

Excited teen: Danny! Check out my new MacBook Pro!
Danny: Wow, a Mac? So, now what? You’re going to buy black-rimmed glasses, a shirt from Urban Outfitters, and the new Franz Ferdinand CD?
Excited teen: But… You already have all that stuff. –Columbia

Ashlee Finally Lets Jessica Have It

Teen girl: Have you ever wondered why there are no, like, sexy midgets?
Friend: No, but sometimes I wonder if you are slightly retarded.
Headline by: DomCar
· “And somewhere, at that moment, a tiny discrimination lawsuit was being filed” – Marc
· “Awwww! Thanks! You said slightly!” – Emily
· “Being sexy isn’t necessary when your face if even with most people’s crotches” – theVixenNicole
· “Both problems are an unfortunate result of genetics.” – Aaron Stephenson
· “But, like, sexily so?” – Tom Dorey
· “By the end of the yellow brick road, the Tin Man was hungry, tired, and BIT-CHY!” – Alissa
· “Comebacks for when you are secretly in love with a midget.” – John
· “Happily, I Have a Fetish for Both” – anthony fiore
· “It’s Sexy Because It’s Like Having Sex With Kids, But They’re Legal!” – Bored Beyond Belief
· “She’s obviously never seen Wizard of Oz, that is ALL sex appeal” – Kevo
· “Thank God your mom pays me to hang out with you” – tiddlywinks
· “The Sexy Midget Union, recognizing retardation as a handicap, will not sue.” – Extra Character
· “The ‘My secret is: I’m marrying a dwarf’ deodorant ad — first take” – Amanda
· “There Are Sexy Midgets, You Probably Just Overlooked Them!” – Hobo Whisperer
· “They Prefer the Term “Erotically Challenged Little People”” – Shepcat
· “Yellow fever: Love of Asians. Smallpox: Love of midgets. Down Syndrome: That girl.” – erak
· “Yes, but I look good in a teddy AND can reach the top shelf” – Villelen
· “You Don’t Need to Be So Short With Me” – Matthew K Johnson

Honorable mentions:
· “But can slightly retarded be sexy?” – Virginia Wood
· “If she were fully retarded, she’d be banging all the unsexy midgets.” – AJ
· “So all those internet porn sites are wrong?” – Graz
· “The Sexy Ones Wouldn’t Want to Sleep with you Anyway” – Ian
· “The new MMILF: Mental Midgets I’d Like to F***” – Peter Parker
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

If You Want a Taste Of the Rainbow, Go for It!

Teenage Spanish girls: Mister, mister! Where'd you get that belt?
Guy: (mumbles)
Girl #1: You know that's the gay belt, right? That belt is gay, yo.
Guy: (shakes head)
Girl #2: Yeah, that's the gay belt. You better take that shit off! Are you gay?
Guy: (shakes head)
Girl #1: Then take that shit off man! You can't have a gay belt. What store did you get it at? Didn't they tell you when you bought it? Mister, you better return that shit to the store!
Girl #3: Maybe he's bi. Hey mister, it's okay if you're bi. I mean, I like eating pussy. –Uptown N Train Overheard by: Jeff

Wednesday One-Liners Are Always PC

Young teen girl: I've done cybersex so often I forgot how to type with two hands. –A Train Suit on cell: I have nothing to blog about. I have nothing to video blog about. Man, yesterday I had to force myself to tweet! –Uptown 4 Train Overheard by: cowgirly Girl selling peaches to another: Yeah, my dad was so unsympathetic when I told him my computer crashed that I went straight to the Apple store and charged a new hard drive to his credit card. I was really proud of myself. –Fort Greene Farmers Market Overheard by: Morning Glory Teenage girl to friend: I don't see why we're even here. We could see all this stuff on the internet for free. –Metropolitan Museum Overheard by: Derek

The Village Bicycle’s Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: So I asked my doorman if I brought anyone home with me last night and he said he didn’t know! I told him it’s his job to know! –Outside 145th subway station Hipster girl: Santa is a man whore! –45th & 8th College girl: And then we’re having what I thought was a nice one night stand, and then, he’s all like "what are you doing?" –Washington Square Park Overheard by: silvver Indian girl: I need to up my sex number. I either wanna sleep with a professor or a celebrity. (long pause) Wait! Professors are like celebrities! –72nd and Amsterdam Overheard by: Vincent Teen girl to friend: … And then my mom said to me "don’t be a ho." –Union Square Overheard by: Lotte Girl: She is such a fuckin’ slut. (Pause, then indignantly) How you gonna sleep with someone for four dollars? –Bergen and Smith

Well, It Is the Number Two Train

(a very obnoxious, lingering fart was dropped and filled the entire car during rush hour)
Teen girl to friend: Ohmigod! Let’s get out of here, it smells like shit!
Old man, five minutes later: What’s the matter with you fucking people? Somebody open up a god damned window! –2 Train