Archive for the ‘Teens’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Always PC

Young teen girl: I've done cybersex so often I forgot how to type with two hands. –A Train Suit on cell: I have nothing to blog about. I have nothing to video blog about. Man, yesterday I had to force myself to tweet! –Uptown 4 Train Overheard by: cowgirly Girl selling peaches to another: Yeah, my dad was so unsympathetic when I told him my computer crashed that I went straight to the Apple store and charged a new hard drive to his credit card. I was really proud of myself. –Fort Greene Farmers Market Overheard by: Morning Glory Teenage girl to friend: I don't see why we're even here. We could see all this stuff on the internet for free. –Metropolitan Museum Overheard by: Derek

The Village Bicycle’s Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: So I asked my doorman if I brought anyone home with me last night and he said he didn’t know! I told him it’s his job to know! –Outside 145th subway station Hipster girl: Santa is a man whore! –45th & 8th College girl: And then we’re having what I thought was a nice one night stand, and then, he’s all like "what are you doing?" –Washington Square Park Overheard by: silvver Indian girl: I need to up my sex number. I either wanna sleep with a professor or a celebrity. (long pause) Wait! Professors are like celebrities! –72nd and Amsterdam Overheard by: Vincent Teen girl to friend: … And then my mom said to me "don’t be a ho." –Union Square Overheard by: Lotte Girl: She is such a fuckin’ slut. (Pause, then indignantly) How you gonna sleep with someone for four dollars? –Bergen and Smith

Well, It Is the Number Two Train

(a very obnoxious, lingering fart was dropped and filled the entire car during rush hour)
Teen girl to friend: Ohmigod! Let’s get out of here, it smells like shit!
Old man, five minutes later: What’s the matter with you fucking people? Somebody open up a god damned window! –2 Train

Nos Morituri Te Wednesday One-Liners

Boat PA: Ladies and gentlemen on the top deck of the boat, please do not stand on the benches. If you fall overboard, you will die in this frigid, freezing water. Thank you, and enjoy your visit to Ellis island. –Ellis Island Ferry Overheard by: land lubber Urban sophisticate: Steve Irwin’s death was random. That stingray did not know where his heart was! –Metropolitan Opera Overheard by: Opera Onlooker Male suit to woman suit: So, hopefully you’re not the angel of death… Are you? –53rd & Broadway Overheard by: S&B Teen guy to three teenage girls: I’m pretty sure I’m invincible and can’t die. –6th Ave Overheard by: Justin Woman on cell: My trip went really well, except for Marilyn’s* death and all. –52nd St & Madison Overheard by: kinicke 50-something professor: So, then the little girl goes back up into her room where she is reading bible verses while everyone else is in church. Then, she either dies all alone… Like Heath Ledger… Or she kills herself. We just don’t know. –Barnard College

Sometimes He Even Gets a Bear Claw

15-year-old boy #1: So, like, I know they used whales for, like, their blubber and shit, but I thought there was something else they killed ’em for.
15-year-old boy #2: Dumbass. They kill whales for their tusks, everybody knows that!
15-year-old boy #1: Oh, right… But I thought that’s what elephants were for.
15-year-old boy #2: Nope. Their ears.
15-year-old boy #1, baffled: Their ears?!
15-year-old boy #2: Yep, my dad goes down to the bakery every Sunday and gets an elephant ear and a coffee. I swear.
15-year-old boy #1: That’s some fucked-up shit! –Faye’s Starbucks Overheard by: Stop elephant cruelty! Save the elephant ears!