Archive for the ‘Teeth’ Category

That Explains All Those Cuts on My Penis!

Dude #1: Oh, The Spiderwick Chronicles is out!
Dude #2 (in awe): Dude, did you see that?
Dude #1: Yeah, it was amazing!
Dude #2: Yeah? How were the graphics?
Dude #1: Dude–amazing!
Dude #2: Dude–you have braces!
Dude #1: Yeah, dude, I told you. God!

–Blockbuster

Overheard by: brianfair

Headline by: mike

Runners-Up:
· “And the Winner for Youngest Bro Of the Week Goes To….” – jumpstop

· “Ashton Kutcher Needs to Stop Producing Reality TV” – D. Emmy
· “Even Siskel & Ebert Had to Start Somewhere.” – space coyote
· “Life Imitates Ashton Kutcher Films…” – Duuude
· “Someone’s Getting Laid Tonight!” – lisa


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

This Actually Makes Me Want to Have Kids

Eight-year-old brother speaking to four year old brother in high pitched witches voice: First I’ll burn you to a black crisp in a huge oven, then I’ll start with your flesh…
Four-year-old: What will it taste like?
Eight-year-old brother, without pausing: It will taste like a delicious steak, then I ‘ll eat your teeth and they’ll taste like crackers! But your hair, your hair will be completely burned off.
Four-year-old: [Giggles maniacally.]

–C Train

Overheard by: never having kids

*Raises Hand*

Customer: Yeah, can I get one for the movie where the girl’s vagina has teeth?
Box office cashier: Sorry, sir, this show’s sold out. The next one’s at 8:25.
Customer: Sold out? How many people actually want to see a movie where a girl’s vagina has teeth?

–City Cinemas, 12th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: SplendidConfusion

4 Out of 5 Dentists Prefer Wednesday One-Liners

Sleazy guy: I love going to my dentist, the new one. The hygienist holds my hand while they’re giving me a shot. She talks to me. She pets me like a chinchilla. It’s fantastic.

–Elevator, 360 Park Avenue South

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Old man with pet lizard: Thirty-four years ago we got married. She had dental coverage. It’s very easy to find a girl with medical coverage… Dental, not so easy.

–77th St & 37th Ave, Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Gail Montemayor

Blonde tween: they usually take out 2 teeth before they put on the braces. They took 4 of mine. It felt great! I wanted ‘em to take all of mine and be all gums.

–D Train

Overheard by: Going to keep those wisdom teeth a bit longer

Girl on cell: So I was able to brush my teeth without feeling like I was going to puke.

–77th and 2nd

Cleaning woman on cell phone: She is a butterface. You know, everything’s lookin’ good but her face. Her body is nice, but she has some ugly-ass, skanky ass face. I told her she ain’t gonna get no man without any teeth in her face. I told her she’s gotta get some nice grilles put all up in there.

–Atlantic Mall

Overheard by: jsillyfun

Ghetto girl spouting knowledge to friend: Sometimes, you just gotta bite your teeth, and turn the other head…

–4 train

Guy on acid: I can’t get the taste of teeth out of my mouth!

–Riverside Park

Overheard by: LSB

Wednesday One-Liners Sink Their Teeth In

Secretary in stall, to another: I told her that in this position she has to wear her teeth in. You can’t go around here with no teeth in your mouth.

–Office restroom, Midtown

Overheard by: Anonymous Law Firm Employee

Woman on cell: What? Turn your hearing aid up! Put your teeth in! I can’t understand you!

–Prince & Broadway

Guy to girlfriend: Hey, babe, I gotta run to the interview. Can you check my teeth for hairs?

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Guy

Saucy Latina: She has the hair of every dental hygienist I’ve ever known.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: McFreaky

Girl on cell: What?! You haven’t showered in a day? At what time? Pedro Miguel*, that is nasty! Your balls must be sweaty and stinky. Smell your underwear… Have you even wiped them with a baby wipe, at least? Have you at least brushed your teeth? You’ve brushed your teeth, but not showered? How is that not nasty?!

–Bx12 bus

Overheard by: SilentButDeadly

Hobo: Does anyone have an extra toothbrush or two dozen eggs to spare?

–Outside Gristede’s, UES

Overheard by: no eggs to spare