Old Woman #1: …I like that too. You know what’s good? I like to eat that pissghetti.
Old Woman #2: Yeah, that stuff is good.
Old Woman #1: But they should give it a better name.
–Bronx Supreme Court building
Overheard by: The Evil Sneeze
Archive for the ‘The Bronx’ Category
Wednesday One-liners
Drunk Guy: That girl’s tits are huge! And it’s snowing! –Fordham A man on a tandem bicycle turns to the woman on it and says: You know, it’s remarkable just how much like weddings funerals actually are. –Varick Street Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz
Must Be a Zoo Thing
Man #1: I don’t want roasted quail.
Man #2: It’s Ethiopian.
–Bronx Zoo
Race + Power = Racism, Kevin Claims
Hobo: Excuse me peoples, but can I get a dime or quarter?
College Student: Sorry, I can’t help you sir.
Hobo: Thanks a lot, whitey!
–161st Street, The Bronx
Overheard by: Peter Whalen
These Wednesday One-Liners May Be Difficult to Swallow.
30-something on cell: What can I say, the only thing that I can commit to is Percocet.
–63rd & Amsterdam Ave
Suit: Yeah, I didn't even take any Adderall this morning, and I feel fine!
–Wall Street
Girl, casually: I took a few too many Xanax earlier and now I feel like I'm driving my body…
–Cooper Union Foundation Building
Girl on phone: Fine, sniff your lavender, but I still think pills are better.
–52nd & 10th
Overheard by: krysta
For the Last Time, It's “Public Service” Not “Public Servicing.”
Drunk guy: You're not looking too good, are you okay to drive?
Drunk guy: Those officers can suck my dick.
Drunk girl: Those officers will not suck your dick, and they never will.
–W 238th & Waldo Ave
Where There's Smoke, There's Wednesday One-Liner
Guy at ATM to friend: The $60 fast cash button should just be labeled "8th of weed."
–Chase Bank, Astor Place
Probation officer to juvenile: You think you can't get arrested for marijuana? Are you out of your damn mind? You're taking a drug test right now, you out-of-your-damn-mind son!
–Bronx Family Court
Overheard by: Adog
Guy to girlfriend: The more stoned I get, the better you sound.
–72nd St & Broadway
Guy: So then I smoked a goodnight bowl at Chris's.
–E 10th St
Overheard by: What about a good morning bowl?
20-something to friend: I'll save the world second, but I'll get high first.
–Houston & Essex
…You Can Beat Me Later.
Little kid: Grandma, I want a dollar.
Ghetto grandma: Nigga, we had to work to get money, sometimes we would get beat.
Little kid: Can I get my dollar now?
–The Bronx
Overheard by: Julio Pena
Wednesday One-Liners Keep It Rail
Conductor: Ladies in gentlemen, we would be moving, but there's a bitch-ass 5 train ahead hogging all the customers at 59th St.
–4 Express Train
Overheard by: Lexington
Conductor: Once again, there are no 2 or 3 trains from this station, so if you are looking for anything, don't get off the train, coz it's not gonna be there.
–Downtown 4 Train
Overheard by: Donz
Conductor: Okay, raise your hand if you want to leave!
–7 Train
Overheard by: will it help if I put two hands up?
Conductor: Do not get on this train. It is not taking any passengers, not even one. Do not even try, you will get kicked off.
–Fordham Rd, Bronx
Overheard by: The next train isn't for an hour and I'm already late.
Conductor: Attention, passengers… You cannot use chemical solvents on the train.
–NJ Transit
Conductor: The next stop will be Bryant Park, #2nd Street. What a gorgeous day! Why not take advantage of one of New York City's many fine outdoor eateries. Have you heard the one about the monk and the hot dog vendor? Hot dog vendor: "What's it going to be, buddy?" Monk: "Make me one with everything"! This is Bryant Park, 42nd Street. Have an enlightened day!
–F Train
Where's a Wednesday One-Liner When You Need One?
Cop: Man, I'm computer illiterate… That's why the NYPD is perfect for me.
–Police Precinct, Bronx
Overheard by: afrocurl
Cop car to man in the street, after using sirens: How stupid are you? Move out of the way!
(crowd cheers)
–Thompson & Bleecker
Overheard by: onlycoolcop
Loudspeaker on police car to pedestrian: What are you doing!?
–Houston & Broadway
Woman with missing teeth, grabbing tourist and yelling: I'm not a cop! I'm a ho!
–42nd & 8th
Overheard by: Jo Ann Chism