Archive for the ‘The Bronx’ Category

Where There's Smoke, There's Wednesday One-Liner

Guy at ATM to friend: The $60 fast cash button should just be labeled "8th of weed." –Chase Bank, Astor Place Probation officer to juvenile: You think you can't get arrested for marijuana? Are you out of your damn mind? You're taking a drug test right now, you out-of-your-damn-mind son! –Bronx Family Court Overheard by: Adog Guy to girlfriend: The more stoned I get, the better you sound. –72nd St & Broadway Guy: So then I smoked a goodnight bowl at Chris's. –E 10th St Overheard by: What about a good morning bowl? 20-something to friend: I'll save the world second, but I'll get high first. –Houston & Essex

Where's a Wednesday One-Liner When You Need One?

Cop: Man, I'm computer illiterate… That's why the NYPD is perfect for me. –Police Precinct, Bronx Overheard by: afrocurl Cop car to man in the street, after using sirens: How stupid are you? Move out of the way!
(crowd cheers) –Thompson & Bleecker Overheard by: onlycoolcop Loudspeaker on police car to pedestrian: What are you doing!? –Houston & Broadway Woman with missing teeth, grabbing tourist and yelling: I'm not a cop! I'm a ho! –42nd & 8th Overheard by: Jo Ann Chism

Wednesday One-liners Hit the Premiere

Guy: The thing about Cronenberg is that you have to appreciate him in
context to what he does…which is often unappreciable. –Belmont Lounge, East 15th Street

Wednesday One-Liners Blame Their Mothers

CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies. –Hallway, CCNY Overheard by: ladyliver Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on. –1250 Broadway Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed… –Smoke Shop, Park Slope Overheard by: Kiri Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy. –Good Stuff Diner, 14th St Overheard by: Kosi Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn. –Port Authority Overheard by: Sarah History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental. –Bronx High School of Science Overheard by: Lillian

Different Strokes for Different Wednesday One-Liners

Guy saying goodbye to lady friend: Then I masturbated, and rubbed this sandwich all over myself! (proceeds to rub sub sandwich over his chest) –46th St & Broadway Overheard by: James Man to woman pushing stroller: That guy's kid beats the meat all day long! –66th St & Broadway Overheard by: Wow. Guy in trench coat: He masturbated the other day in order to expel… –Union Square Overheard by: Amused Girl: You really need good hand-eye coordination to masturbate. –Bard High School, Queens Overheard by: Sunny Guy on phone: So, even though we're not together anymore, you don't want me seeing other people? (pause) What am I supposed to do? (pause) What do I need to use my hand for? –White Plains Road Overheard by: Chad