Archive for the ‘The Village’ Category

How Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center Of a Wednesday One-Liner?

Chick on cell: It's all about the eyeball lick. Tell her.

–59th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: aenigma

NYPD cop: I would rather lick the street than ever smell your fart again.

–Forsyth St & E Houston St

Overheard by: Dave-o

Teen girl to friends: He's so gross! Seriously, I'd rather lick my cat's asshole than hook up with that guy!

–Barnes & Noble, Bayside

Guy at bar to friend: I can't believe you married a woman who won't lick your asshole.

–Ale House, MacDougal St

Random woman: Why do you always insist on licking my elbow?

–86th & 3rd

Overheard by: Jana

Where's a Wednesday One-Liner When You Need One?

Cop: Man, I'm computer illiterate… That's why the NYPD is perfect for me.

–Police Precinct, Bronx

Overheard by: afrocurl

Cop car to man in the street, after using sirens: How stupid are you? Move out of the way!
(crowd cheers)

–Thompson & Bleecker

Overheard by: onlycoolcop

Loudspeaker on police car to pedestrian: What are you doing!?

–Houston & Broadway

Woman with missing teeth, grabbing tourist and yelling: I'm not a cop! I'm a ho!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: Jo Ann Chism

Which I Suppose Was the Point of the Tour

Girl #1: … And you went to Amsterdam?
Girl #2: Yeah, it was really cool. We went to the Reichsmuseum, the Van Gogh Museum, the Red Light District…
Girl #1: Did you go to the Anne Frank House?
Girl #2: Yeah, but we sort of did things backwards that day… We went to the Heineken brewery and then to a coffeehouse, so by the time we got to the Anne Frank House we were totally drunk and high.
Girl #1: What?! You went to the Anne Frank House drunk?
Girl #2: No, it’s okay… We went to a concentration camp while we were in Germany and saw all kinds of stuff about the war. By the time we got to Amsterdam, we were like, ‘Enough with the Nazis, already!’

–11th & University

Overheard by: I did the same thing when I was in Amsterdam

Good Thing Grandma’s in a Coma or She’d Never Get a Boyfriend!

Girl #1: I just wanted to scream at her to put on a goddamn bra and shave her fucking armpits!
Girl #2: Oh my god, I know. I mean, it’s not like she has much there… But it’s something and you gotta cover those puppies up.

–Greenwich Village

Headline by: RaRa

Runners-Up:
· “And the Way She Was Holding Baby Jesus–ROTFL” – ddv

· “I Mean, You’d Think She’d WANT to Look Good at Her Own Communion!” – RaRa
· “Joan and Melissa Rivers’ Commentary at the Bronx Zoo” – allison
· “Or Carry Them in a Bag Like a Celebrity” – Andrew
· “Where Have All the Paula Cole’s Gone?” – chubba
· “Yeah, But Jagged Little Pill Was Such a Great Album” – blistexaddict
· “You’d Think by the Age Of 8, She’d Get That!” – MalG


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Burn, Baby, Burn

Queer: Hanging out with him is like doing charity work. –Christopher & Bleecker Overheard by: J. Ann Ghetto girl to thug: You can’t touch this. Keep reminiscin’, mothafucka. –106th & Columbus Overheard by: Shmoop Guy on cell: I’ll be real with you, man. I know more than you. I know a lot more than you. –17th & 5th Altruist: He’s really nice so I just fake it sometimes. –Elevator, 120 Wall St Overheard by: Aubrie Teen girl: She did what? Oh my God, she is, like, so off my top 8. –1 train Queer: Well, I do like the person you want to be. –Washington & Charles Loud chick: Who knows how he lucked out into marrying her? I’m just always thinking, lady, you are hot, and yet you married an Ewok. –Starbucks, 71st & Amsterdam Overheard by: Susan Volchok