Archive for the ‘The Village’ Category

Good Thing Grandma’s in a Coma or She’d Never Get a Boyfriend!

Girl #1: I just wanted to scream at her to put on a goddamn bra and shave her fucking armpits!
Girl #2: Oh my god, I know. I mean, it’s not like she has much there… But it’s something and you gotta cover those puppies up.

–Greenwich Village

Headline by: RaRa

Runners-Up:
· “And the Way She Was Holding Baby Jesus–ROTFL” – ddv

· “I Mean, You’d Think She’d WANT to Look Good at Her Own Communion!” – RaRa
· “Joan and Melissa Rivers’ Commentary at the Bronx Zoo” – allison
· “Or Carry Them in a Bag Like a Celebrity” – Andrew
· “Where Have All the Paula Cole’s Gone?” – chubba
· “Yeah, But Jagged Little Pill Was Such a Great Album” – blistexaddict
· “You’d Think by the Age Of 8, She’d Get That!” – MalG


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-liners Watch VH1

Drunk guy: You’re not the boss of me…Bruce Springsteen is the boss of me. –The Red Lion, Bleecker Street Guy: Seriously. Puff’s attorney called me the other day to say Puff wants me to sign a confidentiality agreement. Puff doesn’t want me to disclose that he is the seller. I said to tell Puff that he’s the one who has to sign a confidentiality agreement. If the boys at Goldman find out who I am buying from, my credibility is going to be shot forever. –Anotheroom, West Broadway Overheard by: Big Lex Paralegal lady on phone: And I thought to myself, “She looks so familiar, who is she?” Queen Latifah’s mother!…No, mangos. –Office, 50th & 6th Girl: Well, if he’s cranking the bass on a Dixie Chicks song at 2AM on a Monday at a bear bar to sell beer to lesbians he has much bigger problems than he knows. –The Dugout, Christopher Street Chick: If we see Robbie Williams tonight, I’m gonna die. –30th & Park Hipster guy: Yeah and what’s with Simon Cowell? That guy is like the Grinch Who Stole Everything Else. –Abbey Bar, Williamsburg Overheard by: Spyridon Panousopoulos Guy: You know you have reached the lowest point of all human existence when there’s a telethon featuring only John Denver music. –2nd between A & B Overheard by: djlindee Guy: God, I love going to Galapagos. You always run into all the right people there. You know, all the people that you haven’t seen since that last Yeah Yeah Yeahs show? –L train Overheard by: Shannon Woman on cell: Remember that handsome lawyer who took me out to dinner the other night? Yeah, well, he gave me an STD. It reminded me of a song. –14th & 6th Professor guy: Billy Joel, wow. He’s got about 10 shows coming up. I bet the stage production budget is through the roof. I’d drive a car onto stage…and smash it into a tree. –Fordham University, Rose Hill Overheard by: Jess McGins Woman: Brian Wilson beat me right the hell up right there; right the hell up! –43rd between 8th & 9th Overheard by: Ryan Duncan Old woman: Oh, is Lil’ Kim in jail? –7th & Bleecker Overheard by: Sarah Doogs Dude: I was listening to a DMX record the other day, and if that
guy’s telling the truth, he’s lived quite a life. –Gee Whiz Restaurant, Greenwich Street Overheard by: Matthew Alhonte Asian guy: The time has come fo’ mad hip-hop. –Go Sushi, St. Marks Place Overheard by: Alyson Leigh Crazy lady: Excuse me…Excuse me…Have you heard of a band called “The Diarrheas”? From Washington, DC! With Hillary and…Chuck! Like from Friday the 13th? Do you think they’ll be successful? –11th between 52nd & 53rd Third floor window guy: Hey fuck you, I don’t need you telling me that you are cooler than me, I saw the Ramones in ’83!…Fuck you, your not cooler than me, I saw Fugazi’s first show, I saw Minor Threat. What is your fucking claim to fame, seeing the White Stripes? –Rivington & Stanton

It's Always Sunny in Wednesday One-Liner

Swaying hobo with outstretched arms, as it starts to drizzle: I make it rain, I make it rain, I make it rain on you, hoes!

–14th St & University Place

Conductor over PA, on sunny 50-degree day: Due to inclement weather, the 2 and 3 trains will be running on the local track.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Bag lady: I'm not selling ass, just panhandling. It's too cold.

–9th Ave & 25th St

Really tall dude to no one in particular, very energetically: It's a beautiful day, oh my god! I'm gonna cancel all my appointments and go on a walk!

–2nd & Bedford

Angry stranded guy: And you were all like "it doesn't snow in the city, there are too many cars!"

–Bleecker St

Wednesday One-Liners Ain't Got the Money, Honey

Older man, to no one in particular: That's why I keep my income low, so no one jumps me.

–Myrtle & Clinton, Brooklyn

Woman with scratch-off lotto card to friend: I won four dollars! I won four dollars! You know I can't spend that, though. I gotta get food for my kids. Those niggas be hungry!

–Staten Island Ferry

Angelic-looking teen girl screaming into cell: Are you coming to the movies with me? You're broke? Just mug someone on the way. Mug someone! (pause) Mug! M-u-g! Rhymes with "thug"!

–Chambers & West St

Puerto Rican dude on cell: I ain't got no money. I got weed, but I ain't got no money.

–25th St & 7th Ave

Village lady: She was in foreclosure before it was fashionable to be in foreclosure.

–Bleecker & Mercer