Archive for the ‘The Village’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Take a Stab at It

Girl on cell: Yeah, so he was kicked out of college. It’s kind of a long story. He like, pulled a knife on George Lucas.

–Barnard College

Curly-haired chick: If we go, like, cowboy/Indian, you’re supposed to be giving me smallpox blankets and liquor, and I’m supposed to hold a knife to your scalp. Hmmm.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Girl (yelling at other girl): Just because he cuts himself doesn’t mean he’s emo!

–Brooklyn Tech HS

16-year-old to another: If Dane Cook was here, he would stab you in the chest.

–The Beacon School

Gay man to female friend: I’m gonna cut out your G-spot with a butter knife and stick it to the wall.

–Dojo Resaurant

Tall, muscular, handsome guy on cell: My night turned out pretty crazy… Why? Because this chick drew a knife on me in the restaurant before we even finished the appetizers… And I blame you for that.

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: wishes she would have been there…

Wednesday Will One-Liner Anything That Moves

50-something actress: I'm one of the founding sluts.

–Chelsea Studios

Overheard by: Joshy Sweetpants

Guy on cell: That's what I said: I fucked him, but I'm not attracted to him.

–81st & Columbus

Overheard by: Flooey

Adorable seven-year-old kid on bike: She liked it. Ashley liked it. Ashley's a whore.

–Havemeyer & 2nd, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Nathalie & Noah

Girl on cell: Well, I'm in a different place now. Now I'm a slut.

–W 4th & 6th Ave

Teenage girl on cell, beaming, as if she just had a revelation: Oh, I forgot you're a whore! (yelling triumphantly) You're a whore!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Emilia

Dating in NYC: A Short Story

Asian chick #1: The thing is, he’s a Jewish guy? And like, ya know, a lot of Jewish guys are in to Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah?
Asian chick #1: Yeah. I think it’s like because, like, both cultures are so, like, into family? Like Jews are really into family and Asians are really into family?
Asian chick #2: Yeah.
Asian chick #1: But also? I think he kind of has an Asian fetish?
Asian chick #2: I hate that.
Asian chick #1: Yeah. He’s like…ya know. A nerdy Jewish guy who likes to date Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah.
Asian chick #1: Yeah, but he’s really cute in that way that he’s nerdy but he loves Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah. –N/R 8th street station