Archive for the ‘The Village’ Category

For Interns, Diplomatic Immunity Will Only Clear You for Hand Jobs

Hipster #1: So, she comes back to the dorm alone and crying, and we’re like ‘What happened? Where did that guy go?’ And she tells us that he got a ticket from a cop, for getting a blowjob in front of the UN!
Hipster #2: Is that, like, a different thing than getting a blowjob somewhere else?
Hipster #1: Well, he had an internship there or something. Maybe he got a discount!

–Washington Square Park

Sure, But You Don't Want to Actually Write That on the Mortgage Application

Guy #1: You know how people say that if you give homeless people money, all they'll buy is drugs and alcohol?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: Well, fuck, that's what I would buy!

–9th St & University Place

Overheard by: Jazz

Headline by: bq

Runners-Up:
· “Behold, the Democratic Stimulus Plan!” – The Trayster
· “I Guess That Explains the Cardboard Box You Live In…” – Timmy
· “I Mean, After I Paid Off My Credit Card Debt, Of Course” – 1310 (formerly SNA)
· “Michael Phelps Has an Epiphany” – JohnnyB
· “Mickey Rourke’s Comeback Was Short-Lived” – Sing it sister!
· “That’s Why You Don’t Have Full Access to Your Trust Fund” – Keith


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liner Cheney

NYU frat boy to another: Remember that time you popped that zit on my dick?!

–Waverly Place & Broadway

Overheard by: lezbotron

Older suit to younger suit: If you want people to move out of your way you just gotta say shit like: pussy, dick, cunt! (people move out of the way) See?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Brad

Thug to another, exiting a deli: The Salvation Army can suck my dick.

–Stanton & Ludlow

Overheard by: CN

Girl wearing hijab: That depends on whose dick it is!

–Hunter College, 68th & Lexington

Overheard by: off white