Archive for the ‘The Village’ Category

Wednesday Bites the Big One-Liner

Teen scene girl: And that's a whole fucking different story! You always said you wanted to die having a heart attack in a car!

–57th & 3rd

Overheard by: Duluthian

Guy in line: I haven't had a corn dog since Jim Belushi died.

–Nathan's, Coney Island

Creepy guy on cell: Hey. Did you hear about the Craigslist killer? Yeah, isn't that a great idea?

–Penn Station

20-something irritated man on cell: Dude, stop freaking out! They're probably not going to do the autopsy for another three days.

–8th Ave & 15th St

Conductor: Please, no one cross cars, if the train makes a turn you will fall through, get crushed and die, thank you and have a lovely evening. Oh, and it's lovely to be alive.

–Amtrak Train to Penn Station

Overheard by: Paige

Good Thing Grandma’s in a Coma or She’d Never Get a Boyfriend!

Girl #1: I just wanted to scream at her to put on a goddamn bra and shave her fucking armpits!
Girl #2: Oh my god, I know. I mean, it’s not like she has much there… But it’s something and you gotta cover those puppies up.

–Greenwich Village

Headline by: RaRa

Runners-Up:
· “And the Way She Was Holding Baby Jesus–ROTFL” – ddv

· “I Mean, You’d Think She’d WANT to Look Good at Her Own Communion!” – RaRa
· “Joan and Melissa Rivers’ Commentary at the Bronx Zoo” – allison
· “Or Carry Them in a Bag Like a Celebrity” – Andrew
· “Where Have All the Paula Cole’s Gone?” – chubba
· “Yeah, But Jagged Little Pill Was Such a Great Album” – blistexaddict
· “You’d Think by the Age Of 8, She’d Get That!” – MalG


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-liners Watch VH1

Drunk guy: You’re not the boss of me…Bruce Springsteen is the boss of me. –The Red Lion, Bleecker Street Guy: Seriously. Puff’s attorney called me the other day to say Puff wants me to sign a confidentiality agreement. Puff doesn’t want me to disclose that he is the seller. I said to tell Puff that he’s the one who has to sign a confidentiality agreement. If the boys at Goldman find out who I am buying from, my credibility is going to be shot forever. –Anotheroom, West Broadway Overheard by: Big Lex Paralegal lady on phone: And I thought to myself, “She looks so familiar, who is she?” Queen Latifah’s mother!…No, mangos. –Office, 50th & 6th Girl: Well, if he’s cranking the bass on a Dixie Chicks song at 2AM on a Monday at a bear bar to sell beer to lesbians he has much bigger problems than he knows. –The Dugout, Christopher Street Chick: If we see Robbie Williams tonight, I’m gonna die. –30th & Park Hipster guy: Yeah and what’s with Simon Cowell? That guy is like the Grinch Who Stole Everything Else. –Abbey Bar, Williamsburg Overheard by: Spyridon Panousopoulos Guy: You know you have reached the lowest point of all human existence when there’s a telethon featuring only John Denver music. –2nd between A & B Overheard by: djlindee Guy: God, I love going to Galapagos. You always run into all the right people there. You know, all the people that you haven’t seen since that last Yeah Yeah Yeahs show? –L train Overheard by: Shannon Woman on cell: Remember that handsome lawyer who took me out to dinner the other night? Yeah, well, he gave me an STD. It reminded me of a song. –14th & 6th Professor guy: Billy Joel, wow. He’s got about 10 shows coming up. I bet the stage production budget is through the roof. I’d drive a car onto stage…and smash it into a tree. –Fordham University, Rose Hill Overheard by: Jess McGins Woman: Brian Wilson beat me right the hell up right there; right the hell up! –43rd between 8th & 9th Overheard by: Ryan Duncan Old woman: Oh, is Lil’ Kim in jail? –7th & Bleecker Overheard by: Sarah Doogs Dude: I was listening to a DMX record the other day, and if that
guy’s telling the truth, he’s lived quite a life. –Gee Whiz Restaurant, Greenwich Street Overheard by: Matthew Alhonte Asian guy: The time has come fo’ mad hip-hop. –Go Sushi, St. Marks Place Overheard by: Alyson Leigh Crazy lady: Excuse me…Excuse me…Have you heard of a band called “The Diarrheas”? From Washington, DC! With Hillary and…Chuck! Like from Friday the 13th? Do you think they’ll be successful? –11th between 52nd & 53rd Third floor window guy: Hey fuck you, I don’t need you telling me that you are cooler than me, I saw the Ramones in ’83!…Fuck you, your not cooler than me, I saw Fugazi’s first show, I saw Minor Threat. What is your fucking claim to fame, seeing the White Stripes? –Rivington & Stanton