Archive for the ‘The Village’ Category

How Many Lines Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Woman stopping passersby: Do you know the Chinese restaurant on either 8th or 9th? (points at buildings on 14th Street)

–14th St & b/w 7th & 8th Ave

Girl to another: What is jizz?

–NYU Freshman Dorm

Overheard by: Betty Noir

Man in all seriousness to restaurant server holding two plates of food: Do you guys serve food here?

–Las Ramblas Tapas Restaurant

Woman on cell: Do you think they have batteries in the Dominican Republic, or should I buy some?

–Gateway Center, Brooklyn

Overheard by: DominicanEnergizer

Tourist woman: Excuse me, do I go Uptown or Downtown?

–Delancey St

Overheard by: TR

Bewildered girl in Persian class: Does Iran have lightning?

–NYU

Use a Wednesday, So You Don't Get One-Linered Up

Man helping woman carry stroller down stairs: If you had taken the bloody pill when you said you were taking it, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

–Broadway-Lafayette B/D/F/V Station

Overheard by: Jon A.

Man walking with girlfriend, loudly: Wait, did you bring your diaphragm?

–Times Square

Loud woman on cell: How many times do you have to have sex, and have a baby, before you realize: "If I have sex without a condom I will get someone pregnant."? Seriously!

–Broadway & 103rd St

Overheard by: Amy

Guy on phone: I always tell people that sex with you with a condom is better than sex with other girls without a condom.

–Outside Trader Joe's, 14th St

Zoo guide: This zoo likes to be careful with breeding animals by taking into account genes and the like. But then again, Zippy–the baby snow monkey–came along. So be careful with your birth control.

–Central Park Zoo, by the Snow Monkeys

Girl to another: I just don't see why we can't make our own condoms.

–14th St & 4th Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Add a Little Something Extra

Dad: Okay, girls! Now, we’re on a very tight budget — you can get ketchup, mustard, or barbecue sauce.

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: bill R

Girl: Apparently I ate an entire jar of mustard.

–Bard High School Early College

Overheard by: and didn’t notice?

Hot guy on cell: That’s fine, but I just don’t want to find the television smeared with peanut butter this time…

–96th & CPW

White chick: La Choy is the white trash of soy sauce!

–113th St

Overheard by: Meister E.

Man to hobo: If I had any more butter, I would give it to you, but I don’t because I used it already.

–Howard St

Overheard by: havarthe

Foxy lady, to female dining companion: I could pour ketchup in your cleavage and dip a fry in it… Just dip it in! Why are people staring at us?

–Relish, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Justin Casement

Eat This– It'll Be Hanukah in Your Mouth!

Little boy: When will it be Hanukkah?
Dad: Not for a while.
Little boy: But I'm begging you for Hanukkah.
Dad: You got some time until it's Hanukkah, buddy.
Little boy: Now you'll never get me a present!
Dad: (begins to leave with the little boy)
Little boy: I am not moving until it's Hanukkah!

–Bagel Shop, The Village

Overheard by: wilpon

Wednesday One-liners, American Idols

Tourist: Oh my god! That’s Maggie Gyllenhaal. She’s like, actually walking down the street! –Magnolia Bakery Overheard by: Jessica Blackshear JAP: Do not mention that freaking African queen and her recycled husband! –The Prime Grill, 49th Street Twentysomething woman on cell: I’m gonna be late because I had to walk Drew Barrymore’s dog. –in front of American Apparel, 7th Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Are History, Dude

Guy holding baby: I’ve decided I’m going to write a pop-up history of the ancient world, based on Herodotus. Should be great for babies.

–Strand Bookstore

American history tutor: The only dictator I know of is Hugo Chavez, and that’s because I met him.

–Jake’s Saloon, 57th & 10th

Overheard by: poor kid’s gonna fail that test

Rich mom with two kids: … And it was named after our country’s first president, Christopher Columbus.

–117th & Broadway

Overheard by: doesn’t get columbus day off

Guy to friend: If I can make it through the ’80s, I can make it through anything.

–Astor Pl

Overheard by: squishduck

Professor: Sigismondo Malatesta was the only person in history to ever be publicly consigned to Hell by the pope. Now, that’s when a pope was a pope. I wish the pope would just get on TV and say, ‘You’re going to Hell!’

–Fordham University – Rose Hill

Overheard by: Christina

Guy: Wait, have I ever told you guys about my irrational fear of the late 1800s?

–NYU dorm

Overheard by: Danimal