Archive for the ‘Theater’ Category

Nos Morituri Te Wednesday One-Liners

Boat PA: Ladies and gentlemen on the top deck of the boat, please do not stand on the benches. If you fall overboard, you will die in this frigid, freezing water. Thank you, and enjoy your visit to Ellis island. –Ellis Island Ferry Overheard by: land lubber Urban sophisticate: Steve Irwin’s death was random. That stingray did not know where his heart was! –Metropolitan Opera Overheard by: Opera Onlooker Male suit to woman suit: So, hopefully you’re not the angel of death… Are you? –53rd & Broadway Overheard by: S&B Teen guy to three teenage girls: I’m pretty sure I’m invincible and can’t die. –6th Ave Overheard by: Justin Woman on cell: My trip went really well, except for Marilyn’s* death and all. –52nd St & Madison Overheard by: kinicke 50-something professor: So, then the little girl goes back up into her room where she is reading bible verses while everyone else is in church. Then, she either dies all alone… Like Heath Ledger… Or she kills herself. We just don’t know. –Barnard College

Wednesdays Pad Their One-Liners

Football player on razor scooter, chasing shirtless theater major: I'll get you my pretty… And your little dick too! –Wagner College Girl, looking at long ladies bathroom queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks. –Winter Garden Theatre Slightly drunk man: I feel like someone just shut a door on my dick. –Park Slope Overheard by: Sunny Hooker to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of everyone! –Outside Penn Station Overheard by: David

Beauty and the Beatdown

Daughter: Belle looks so beautiful.
Dad: I think your mom is prettier.
Mom: Oh, thanks, honey.
Guy behind them: Someone wants to get laid tonight. —Beauty and the Beast showing Overheard by: Amanda

Beware Of Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell with dog in her bag: So I was just like "You're a friggin douche!" (pauses and looks in bag) Fuck! My asshole dog just shit in my bag! (takes dog out) Oh my god! It shit in my lap! It's everywhere! Help me, Dana! –D Train Overheard by: Hahahahaaaaa Passerby to young woman tying up about 10 dogs, singing: Who let the dogs out? Who? –E 90th St Six-year-old girl to mother: And then I said, "Oh, Shihtzu!" –Houston & Orchard Overheard by: j Man on cell: I mean, I don't want to compare her to a dog. But, I just don't want to pet that, if you know what I mean. –E 4th St & Lafayette Overheard by: amanda Large scruffy man in deli apron, watching hot Latina: Woof! (pause) Sorry baby, it's just the dog in me. Woof! –2nd Ave & 94th St Fat man to female friend: I don't know that dogs are delicious. Rather, I know that pork is. –Broadway & Chambers St Overheard by: Carolyn S Girl, pointing at Dachshunds: Look, Chihuahuas! –Winter Gardens